Mother gave me this journal to keep during my days at Hogwarts. I've just completed the opening feast and am now in my common room, belonging to the Ravenclaw house. The Sorting Hat sat upon my head for over ten minutes! It was trying to choose between Slytherin and Ravenclaw before it finally sorted me in Ravenclaw. Caroline, however, was sorted into Slytherin the moment the hat touched her head. While I can't say I'm very surprised by our sorting, I will admit that I wished we were in the same house. This is the first time I've been away from Caroline. I've already made a friend or two, though, so I think I'll do just fine without my elder twin.

Theodore is in Gryffindor, and a year above us, so I don't think I'll see much of him. But that suits me fine. Theodore is a silly boy, I almost don't want to admit that I am his little sister. But everyone knows we are related because Theodore made it a point to see Caroline and myself before our sorting. I think I'll like Hogwarts. It's just as pretty as everyone said it was. Now I am going to sleep. The feast has made me tired, and I wish to find my dreams.

It's almost time for mine and Caroline's third year at school. I plan on still being in the duelling club. I'm excellent at it and have gained quite the reputation for my fast mind and prowess with spells. I think people know not to cross me because of my talent as a duellist. This is good, now I know that no one will bother Caroline or myself. Not that many people messed with us before, but should anyone decide to start, I know they'll think twice.

Aside from that, Theodore has run off with our squib kitchen maid. Father found them in an embrace, professing love for one another and disowned him on the spot. He even threatened physical harm! Theodore is certainly foolish to have given his heart away at fourteen. Surely their love will not last, and when it fails, he does not have a home to come back to. Father chased them from our property without even letting Theodore pack his belongings. He'll certainly fall into the lower class. I can't say I'm very much surprised with his decision. He always was rather foolish. And idealist with ridiculous notions.

Caroline and I are happy to now be the eldest of the Davis children. Caroline before me, of course, but not by much. Father said we could use Theodore's old room as an art studio once we trash all of his belongings. I think Westley is upset with his being disowned, but he'll get over it. He has my pansy of a sister Magdelena to cling onto still. Mother also seems a bit upset, but I'm sure she'll realize that this was for the best. Theodore would have brought nothing but shame to the family regardless of whether he fell in love with the squib or not.

Well, Caroline is calling. We're taking Magdelena out to the woods. Caroline wants to leave her there. I don't really have an opinion either way, but Caroline and I go everywhere together so naturally I'll tag along with her to perform her antics.

It's Magdelena's birthday. We gave her a box full of slugs. The look on her face was priceless when we first handed her the gift box, then it was even more hilarious when she opened it and saw what was inside! Mother scolded us of course, but we didn't get in any real trouble. She also got her letter to Hogwarts. I was hoping she'd be a squib so that we wouldn't have to explain that we are related to her when she starts school. Caroline and I have every intention of ignoring her once the term begins. We don't want to be associated with her. She's a ridiculous girl, I don't know how she's my sister.

But enough of Magdelena. This is my diary, after all. We're starting our fifth year in Hogwarts, and I've been named Prefect of Ravenclaw house. It's most exciting. Caroline was not bestowed with the same honor, but she assures me that there is no jealousy but only pride in me. It's no surprise that she wasn't named Prefect. Her grades are average, as is her reputation. While I have both impeccable grades and reputation. I'm glad to be able to become Prefect. Perhaps in my seventh year I'll be head girl.

The Sorting Ceremony is over, as well as the welcoming feast. Magdelena was sorted into my house, Ravenclaw. Loathe as I was to admit it, people found out anyways that we are siblings. Some of my peers called her cute and sweet, to which I replied that they did not know her well enough. She's a wretched child and I hate that I must see her every day at our table and common room. Oh well, at least I enjoyed my first four years of Hogwarts without the little nuisance. Who knows, perhaps Caroline will come up with some fun ways to bother Magdelena.

One of my house mates slipped me a letter today. Her name is Matilda I think, and the letter was from a boy but she wouldn't tell me who. It was an anonymous letter, and it professed the boys love for me. It was really quite romantic, the boy must be very astute. He spoke of my beauty and grace and prowess with my wand. Saying that when I come of age he will ask to court me. This leads me to suspect that he is my elder. I haven't a clue who it could be. The sentiments are nice, but love is a bit foolish I think. It doesn't always last and oftentimes leads to heartache. But enough of that talk. I must quit writing and get some sleep. My role as a Prefect comes with many extra duties.

It's very late now. I've just gotten home from sneaking out on my own to study the stars. I quite like Astronomy and stargazing, and it's something I often do. It's one of the few things that I do without Caroline. She doesn't get the beauty of the stars like I do, and that's fine. She's got some hobbies that I don't understand. It was very fun watching the stars through a telescope that father bought me for my birthday. It's rather advanced, and I could see the stars much larger than usual. It is a beautiful night; the sky is clear and weather perfect. So I took my telescope out with me.

On my walk home a lower class scamp a few years my senior tried to take liberties with me. He called me beautiful and of course I am, but I was not flattered. Not by this lout who obviously had no class. He was persistent, even going so far as grabbing me! I managed to fight him off, however, and performed a curse to make his face break out in painful boils. Oh it was hilarious! The man's face was absolutely priceless. As he ran away from me, I sent a few stinging hexes after him. They hit of course, no doubt due to my excellent duelling skills. That ought to teach him never to mess with me again.

I write this with a heavy hand from an inn located in the newly established wizarding village of Hogsmeade, our new home. We were chased from our home in Bath, and it is all my fault. I've told no one of this, so diary, I am trusting you to keep my secret safe. I shall start at the beginning of the tale. It is tortuous for me to write this, knowing that this situation is all a result of my foolishness. My family's grief is my fault and I bear the burden of knowing that I am to blame for the sadness that befalls my family.

Caroline went to the market today alone. She told me she was getting me a surprise so I was not to accompany her. She took hours, and I finally decided to go looking for her. When I did, I saw in the town square something like the beginnings of a bonfire. Townsfolk were crowded around the then unlit stake. I saw the man that attempted to attack me the previous night and hid behind a building, peeking around the corner. His face was still covered in boils and he was saying "That's Her, I'm sure of it. She's a witch I tell ya". Caroline was arguing that it wasn't her from her place tied up on the stake. I was frozen. I didn't know what to do for the first time in my life.

The townsfolk jeered, spitting that she was a freak. That she was the spawn of Satan. That she deserved punishment for what she'd done to the poor, unsuspecting man. But he wasn't unsuspecting or poor at all. He'd tried to take liberties with me, he would have forcibly taken my maidenhood. But I couldn't bring myself to move from my spot behind the building. I couldn't bring myself to speak up. I just watched as they continued to talk down to her. Not one person spoke in her defense.

It wasn't long after that it happened. A torch was set at her feet and I watched as the flame grew to engulf her, horrified. The screams of her sister filled the air. I swear that at one point her head turned and she caught sight of me. Her eyes told me one thing: run. She knew her time had come, that she was to die. That there was nothing I could do to save her. But I was rooted to my position. I watched for what seemed like forever, until she was nothing but a charred husk of what she should have been. Tears ran down my cheeks the whole time as I begged for any god that existed to save her. To give me a miracle. But none came, and I watched my other half burn to death.

I ran. I ran as fast as my legs could carry me back to our estate. I was weeping, hysterical. The first time I'd lost my cool. I managed to tell them what happened to Caroline, but something kept me from saying that it was because she was mistaken for me. I couldn't admit that it was my fault that she was dead. We packed as much as we could, but then there was banging at our door. People yelling that they knew what we were, that we weren't welcome in their town. Father and mother apparated us to just outside the town where we had a portkey. It took us to Diagon Alley. From there we found our way to Hogsmeade. I've not spoken a word since I told them of Caroline's demise.

I know not what to do. My other half is dead. It's as though a part of me is gone, burned at the stake along with my beautiful twin. Life without her...is it even worth living? I find myself wondering, but I know that Caroline saw me. That she wanted me to save myself. Toy with the idea of taking my life as I might, I shall not. I shall live for Caroline. I owe it to her.

The term has started. I was not named Head Girl, but I can't bring myself to care too much. My heart is still heavy with grief that Caroline has passed. The school seems to know what happened to her. They offer me condolences, look at me with pity in their eyes. But I do not want their pity. It doesn't bring my twin back, it serves me nothing. I continue to toy with the idea of joining her in the after life. Heaven. Whatever happens to us when we leave this weary world. But I remember that Caroline would not want me to throw away my life. So I continue to live for her. I will focus on my studies and duelling club this year. I will not give up on life. I will live with the consequences of what I've brought upon myself. It is my fault that she's dead.

Magdelena feigns grief for Caroline. But the two never got along. How dare she grieve for Caroline? It is an insult to see her act as she does; empty. She doesn't know the meaning of feeling empty. Her grief can't possibly compare to mine. She is weak and I wish she'd stop acting as though she truly cares about the loss of Caroline. She is probably jumping with joy internally. No more Caroline to trick her. No more Caroline to use her as a guinea pig. She probably rejoices in her death. Why couldn't it have been Magdelena to be found out? Why did it have to be Caroline? I can no longer write of this...my hand is too heavy, eyes bleary with tears. I must divert my attentions.

My family has been struggling ever since we fled from our home in Bath. We are now officially a middle class family. Some people are treating me differently because they know that my family could not afford to live in Wellingtonshire. They still look at me with pity in their eyes. I can't wait for the school year to be over and it's hardly begun. I've been avoiding my usual friends in favor of focusing on my school work. They think I've become withdrawn because of my sister's death. They are correct. Even those I held close to me don't know how to treat me any more. I can not wait to graduate and get away from it all.

The school year is over. I'm an official graduate of Hogwarts. I passed all of my N.E.W.T.S. But this is no surprise, I've always been a smart, diligent young woman. I am toying with the idea of leaving Hogsmeade and striking out on my own. I just haven't any idea what to do with myself. Now being middle class, I can not spend money at my every whim. My parents would not be able to afford to help me live separately from them. The need to get away from Hogsmeade and my family is high. I do not wish to be married off as soon as my coming out ball is over, like so many girls do. I wish to make a name for myself as a powerful witch. Perhaps publish a book on the art of duelling. Something that catches my interest.

But I've only a moment to write. My coming out ball is this evening at Hogwarts. It will be filled with eligible bachelors that I'm sure my father will try to match me up with. I must say, I'm in no mood for celebration. I do not wish to spend the night dancing, I'd much rather stay at home with a book and relax after a hard year of study. But my friends will be expecting me and it's only proper that I should attend the coming out ball for the girls of my age. So I will carry out my duties and attend. My dress is beautiful and I will be stunning indeed. I just hope that I catch no man's eye, for I am not ready to become a wife.

It's been a year today. A year that I've lived without Caroline. I don't quite know how I feel. Distressed. Angry. Sad. There are so many things I feel at this moment that it's hard to pinpoint which emotion is the dominant one. I can hardly believe she's been gone for a year. The rest of the family seems to have moved on, but I still feel her absence every day, very deeply. I wish she were here.

My desire to end my life has lessened, though the idea still dances around my head sometimes when the grief is unbearable. But I remain strong. I live because Caroline can not. And I will continue to live for her, even if I am but a shell of my former self. I don't know why I'm writing this. The tears are falling freely now, and I must quit before I am overcome with grief. It's easier to ignore her absence than ponder on it.

I am furious. My father has just informed me that he's given my hand in courtship to Silas Marlowe. He was a housemate of mine, two years my senior. While there's nothing particularly wrong with him, I have no intentions of being a wife any time soon. I told my father flat out that I refused to court him. I will not be his, and I refuse to be made to court the man. I am not a toy to use to better the name of the Davis family. If I wed, I will not be able to make a name for myself. All my dreams will be forgotten and I will become bloated with a babe and made to be nothing more than a baby making machine. I refuse to let myself become such.

I am not going to sit idly by while my father tries to force me to wed. I will be fervent in my refusal and Mr. Marlowe will become fed up with me. I will make him break the engagement one way or another. Perhaps I'll act unrefined. Surely no man would want a wife of low standards. Or perhaps I will just ignore his advances all together. He'll tire of me and then the engagement will be off. Whatever it is I have to do, I will do it to keep from losing myself to this man.

My nineteenth year approaches, and Mr. Marlowe has shown no sign of relinquishing his hold on me. During our date today he has informed me that it was he who sent me the string of love letters I received in my fifth year. I promptly told him that I thought him a coward for never revealing himself sooner. Though I admit, at the time, I was quite flattered with the letters. I will not let Mr. Marlowe know that, however, for then he will think he can have me. And he most certainly can not have me.

Father tells me to stop being so impetuous. To do my duty and become the wife of "the upstanding young gentleman". I still refuse. Mr. Marlowe's and mines dates are few and far between, and when they do occur it is because I am physically forced into them. If nothing else, I will be able to further delay the wedding. But I fear that I am just putting off the inevitable. Still, I will try my hardest not to become Mr. Marlowe's wife.

It's my birthday and Valentine's day today. It still feels weird not celebrating with Caroline. It is the second birthday I've had without her, and the day is always a solemn one for me. This year it's made even more solemn due to the fact that I've been forced on a date with Mr. Marlowe. He tries to hard to win my affections, spends all the money he can spare on me. One has to admire his persistence, but if only it weren't my affections he was after. He can not have my love, for I've no love to give.

We're going horseback riding in Venice. It shall be lovely no doubt, but my resolve is true and I shall not fall under his spell. He can be charming at times, I'm sure, and no doubt he'll be a doting husband. Just not to me. Sometimes I wonder if it's not because I don't feel worthy of love anymore...but those are musings for another day. I hear my mother calling to tell me that Mr. Marlowe is here. We will spend the day together and I will be miserable as I always am since Caroline's passing.

Mr. Marlowe was here for Christmas dinner with my family. He bought me an elegant hair comb with sapphires embellishing it. It's a lovely gesture, but I know it's just another one of his attempts to win my heart. I do not know what to do with the gift. I can not allow myself to wear it, no matter how beautiful it is and how perfectly it would suit one of my best dresses. To wear it would be to give him hope that he could have me, and in the past year and some odd months I am still persistent not to wed him. Many people have commented that our courtship should have been dissolved. That if I was to be so stubborn they should just leave me to become a spinster. They say that Mr. Marlowe is wasting his time, but he is persistent in his chasing of me.

I'm so conflicted. My peers tell me that they would love to have a man as handsome and charming as Mr. Marlowe after their affections. And I do admit that he holds a certain appeal. But there is something in the very fiber of my being that tells me not to go through with it. It tells me that Caroline would be disappointed if I gave myself up to him. And I do not wish to disappoint my dearly departed twin. Oh I don't know what to do. I shall ponder my options further, but for now I must rest. My eyes grow tired.

Another birthday comes without Caroline. Mr. Marlowe is just as fervent in his chasing of me as ever. I made the mistake of letting a giggle pass my lips at a joke of his. He has taken this as a sign that he's gotten through to me. He's becoming overly familiar now, after nearly two years of courtship. The few moments when we are alone he calls me Beatrice rather than Miss Davis. I do not like the way my name sounds on his tongue.

I am starting to think that perhaps he is not as taken with me as a person as I had originally thought. I think that perhaps in the beginning he was truly smitten with me, but now he sees me as a prize to be had. A trophy to add to his collection. I'm nothing but a game to him now. My impetuousness has made the man that had fancied me see me as nothing more than a conquest. I do not know how I feel about this. A part of me enjoyed being wanted, but now it isn't me he wants anymore.

It is the third year anniversary of Caroline's death. The circumstances surrounding her demise still haunt me. It is strange to think that I've lived for three years without my other half. It is strange to know that this emptiness has become a part of me. That I've come to cherish it as a dear friend. I do not think I could continue on should this hollow feeling ever be filled. I have become too accustomed to it; to lose it would be to lose Caroline all over again.

I heard my father speaking to my mother. They wonder when Mr. Marlowe will stop playing games with me. They are eager to marry me off and have me leave the house. They do not understand why Mr. Marlowe has allowed me to lead him on for over two years, but they are grateful that he has. Because they fear no one else would want to wed me. I fear that no one else would want to wed me. I find myself thinking for the first time that perhaps I should give in to Mr. Marlowe. He could provide for me, and I know he would give me my hearts desire to the best of his ability. But something keeps telling me to wait...