Issue #170 - Americans: Corrupting Brits Since 1776

[Witch Weekly]

  

[Witch Weekly]

10 Reasons Why the Countryside is the Best Place to Settle Down! The countryside brings to mind images of vast estates with highly-decorated gardens and grand ballrooms. Those images, popularized by various novels during our time, paint the picture that the countryside is only available to the richest of the richest. To be honest, many of the reasons the countryside is seen as an expensive alternative to life is because of the traveling expenses — horses, carriages, etc. — that muggles have to pay to be able to get from place to place. However, the magical community is well aware of alternative methods of transportation such as apparition, portkeys, and the floo network. Today, Witch Weekly will be counting down five reasons you and your beau should move to the countryside to settle down and start a family! 1. Privacy. Many of the issues prominent members of society have dealt with is the lack of privacy in their lives. With speculation often rising about the content of their daily conversations and activities, gossip can easily spread. The countryside allows a family to go about their lives without worrying that about unwanted noses being stuck in their business! 2. The scenery. City and town life rarely offers one a look into the great, wide world around them! Hogsmeade, though preferable for witches and wizards who prefer to keep their wands on the ready without fear of exposure, is surrounded by a dark forest that rarely grants homebodies the chance to see the sprawling hills that the countryside offers! 3. Speaking of wands ... While muggles may live in bustling towns nearby, the countryside is so spread out that the chance of being seen with a wand while on an afternoon walk is slim! 4. Cleanliness! Due to the muggle insistence on using "machinery" to advance their civilization, the air and streets of cities like London are often polluted with waste and garbage — and that's not even mentioning the rampant death and disease! 5. Spaciousness. As mentioned earlier, living in cities and busy towns allows the opportunity to have your privacy infringed upon. The countryside, while offering ample privacy, also offers room to move around and not worry about disturbing nearby residents. Whether it's a country estate or a small cottage hidden behind a patch of woods, there's plenty of space for you to enjoy the outdoors and for your children to play!

Privacy is essential to peace of mind! Have you ever heard someone say the city was more beautiful than the countryside?

  

[Witch Weekly]

Your favorite drink can say a lot about your, including your ideal gentleman! Do not fret — if you have more than one favorite drink, you may find that your ideal gentleman fits both or either description!

Tell Us Your Favorite Drink and We'll Tell Your What Your Ideal Husband Is! It's not too uncommon for young ladies to try to learn their futures through divine means such as Divination, but there are other non-magical ways which tell us more about ourselves! Today, Witch Weekly will be exploring your ideal husband through nothing else other than your favorite day drink! Black Coffee You are a simple woman with simple needs. For a man to win your affection, he needs to do nothing more than present himself as a practical choice for a partner. Your ideal husband will undoubtedly come across as plain upon first sign, but prove dependable, supportive, and provide your with protection when necessary. He may not be the type to show outward affection, but you will never have to worry about irresponsible behavior or unwanted scandals. Popular Teas (Congou, Bohea, Pekoe) You are a conformist by nature, and may be frightened by anything that goes against your idea of "normality". You may seek for a gentleman with all the qualities written about in etiquette handbooks, and may be unwilling to accept a man's affections if he does not fit even the most specific expectations. Your ideal husband is charismatic, charming, friendly, yet not boring. He is capable of providing for you both emotionally and financially, and will not embarrass you by lacking in social skills. Cocoa You are a woman who enjoys comfort beyond anything, and the same could be said in your ideal gentleman. He is warm, friendly, and presents himself as a trustworthy and compassionate confidant. Your worst fear is receiving judgment for voicing your emotions and concerns, and your ideal gentleman is just the type to sooth your worries. Wine A woman of fine tastes, your ideal gentleman is one who will without doubt boost your societal standing and reputation. He may hold an influential job in politics or he may have accumulated a mass of wealth through inheritance and smart investments. Despite this, he does not let his influence define himself, and instead strives to make connections with others who may prove useful in the long-term. He comes across as subtly flirtatious and witty without doubt.

  

[Witch Weekly]

Americans: Corrupting Decent Brits Since 1776

Most are aware for the reputations Americans have as brash, ill-mannered hooligans, even if you have not had the opportunity to meet one of these specimens in person. Often laden with new wealth obtained from dubious industries across the sea and utterly lacking the grace and skill associated with it, Americans have a reputation for being frequent but rather unsavory guests at social events across Britain. But what dangers might you be inviting by including an American on your guest list? Those familiar with the esteemed Crouch family will likely have many good things to say either about the head of the department of International Cooperation, Aldous Crouch, or his younger brother, who recently mounted a campaign for Minister of Magic. Even their sister, November Malfoy nee Crouch, has managed to overcome her own flaws of personality in order to marry well and produce several heirs. Most would overlook the youngest Crouch brother, Reuben, as he has become something of a black mark on the family; he is known for being frequently drunk, associating with his social inferiors, and making exactly nothing of his life. His unfortunate turn for the worst seems to have begun when he spent time in America, where he met one Una Walsh. Miss Walsh recently appears to have followed him back to Britain, arriving in 1887. Aside from her rather unladylike career as a magizoologist, Miss Walsh has also been rather unwilling to integrate herself into the British social scene — and why bother, when most are convinced she has come for the sole purpose of seducing Mr. Crouch once more? She was spotted in his company under the mistletoe on Christmas Eve, but unlike so many other instances of victims of the magical trap, Miss Walsh initiated the interaction with a rather improper embrace, and was at the time traveling without a chaperone. It does not seem a stretch in the slightest to imagine that she use the mistletoe traps to her advantage, and may have even planned them from the start! Miss Una Walsh is frequently seen without a chaperone and has been speculated to have her eye on a certain wealthy, pureblood English gentleman, who would be considered far beyond her reach through any respectable methods! More worrying still is that what we know of Miss Walsh's indiscretions may in fact only scratch the surface: as a metamorphamagus with apparently few, if any, morals, she has the leisure to run about as she pleases disguised as anyone at all! Who could possibly say what she's been up to while wearing a different face? Particularly if going about unchaperoned and embracing gentleman is something she feels no qualms about doing undisguised!

The influence of Americans on our society can, unfortunately, not be said to be limited strictly to the social scene. Who can forget the American who attempted to throw his hat in the Ministerial race, much, some would argue, to the detriment of other conservative candidates who were actually qualified to run the country. Whichever side of the political spectrum you fall on to, however, it can be agreed that the mere attempt was almost certainly a first step towards Americanizing our country by seizing control of the government, much as other Americans have attempted to do by infiltrating social spheres and the business world with their new money and complete lack of manners. Mr. Barnabas Skeeter, an otherwise respectable gentleman whose past seems marred by questionable decisions! The influence of Americans can not be limited only to those who manage to cross the pond in order to inflict their ways upon us, as we have also noticed marked changes in behavior whenever a British citizen is obliged to spend any length of time abroad there — as if the brash impulsiveness of the Americans is infectious, taking in large doses! Mr. Barnabas Skeeter, as our readers will remember, has made a dubious (and perhaps drunken) decision to tattoo an ivy branch in a rather unrespectable place, and it is rumored that this occurred not long after his return from America! At least Mr. Skeeter's impulsive mistake can be seen as a relatively minor one, as the bulk of the wizarding population can only speculate as to what he may or may not have tattooed in any unmentionable areas. The same cannot be said for Mr. Thom Pettigrew, who spent an unfortunate six months in the country during 1886. Upon his return, Mr. Pettigrew immediately became engaged without even the benefit of a proper courtship, something which raised more than a few eyebrows, as did his choice of bride. His marriage with Mrs. Hannah Pettigrew nee Echelon has been rumored to be troubled from the start, and it's little wonder when it had nearly no foundations — not to mention her family history! With such examples to learn from, it is clear that any self-respecting British citizen who wishes to retain their self-respect ought to steer well clear not just of the country itself, but also of potentially corrupting American influences who have infiltrated our society. No hostess ought to allow an American guest at her party if she has any choice in the matter whatsoever, and view any social invitation you receive from one with a very critical eye, indeed! Under no circumstances should a lady who is not yet married by persuaded to travel to America, and even our more ensconced male citizens may desire to steer clear!

@'Una Walsh' @'Reuben Crouch' @'Barnabas Skeeter' @'Thom Pettigrew' @'Hannah Pettigrew'

  

[Witch Weekly]

One cannot help but wonder how Mister Lockhart would feel about his sisters acquaintance with a certain Puddlemere player!

Heard Around Town! This week's most scintillating gossip hot off the press! Stay in the loop with Witch Weekly. "I was getting some things for my owl the other day and can you imagine? I saw Miss Fortuna Lockhart - the sister of Chudley Cannons beater, Magnus Lockhart - being quite friendly with a certain Puddlemere United chaser. Could there be a possible courtship blossoming? That would certainly make for interesting family gatherings!" ~ * ~ "I was shopping in Denbright's when I heard the most terrible ruckus. And wouldn't you know it? It was the littlest Mohr girl having quite the tantrum. Those children seem to be as horrid as their mother!" ~ * ~ "I was in Irvingly the other day and happened to be sitting by a group of Pendergast Rose girls. I overheard one of them say that they were quite charmed by a well-to-do man that works in the Ministry. I am quite certain the young lady has her sights set on him!" ~ * ~ "Has anyone heard a thing from Mister Mathias Beaumont? Since his wife died, he is like a ghost. One would think that he had died as well but I am told he is alive." ~ * ~ "I saw a man - I am not quite sure but I think it could have been Mister Lorcan Byrne - flirting quite outrageously with one of the tearoom girls. Is he there to be a healer or to try and get girls to be improper with him? How daring of him!" ~ * ~

@'Fortuna Lockhart' @'Rufus Bixby' @'Threnody Mohr' @'Edward Mohr' @'Mathias Beaumont' @'Lorcan Byrne'

  

[Witch Weekly]