Issue #164 - Handsomest Professional Quidditch Players

[Witch Weekly]

  

[Witch Weekly]

Health Corsets: Elastic or Boned? Woman have worn corsets for not just decades, but rather centuries! It is easily a solid choice for a fashion staple, in times when fashion changes so fast. Just as over time our dresses have changed the shape and material, so too have corsets. And it might be due time for another change soon. This past weekend, I tried a new style of corset called 'the health corset', and I wore it for exactly a week in lieu of my normal, steel boned corsets to see if you ought to try it as well or if it is a growing trend you ought to avoid! I went into this experiment with a lot of questions. How could a corset made without all of the different types of boning actually provide any shape? The first day I tried it, I was put off. I could feel it bend and shift in a way none of my others did - still, it was stiff enough and I could feel the fabric pull everything in. Before I started the experiment, I had read that the corset was supposed to prevent damage to a woman's body caused by tightness. As the week progressed and I adjusted to the corset, I actually found myself liking a few things about the health corset. One of the nights I wore it, I was invited to a ball hosted by one of my cousins. The lack of hard elements in the corset made it far easier to dance in. I, surprisingly, did not get quite as winded and felt far more energetic throughout the night without the use of a Pepper Up potion. In the long run, after having tried the Warner Brother's Coraline Corset for a week, I am still unsure if it would be something I would wear every day. I couldn't decide if it would be something I would recommend for another woman to make the swap. However, two things did strike me throughout the week. The first being I would most assuredly be wearing it to my next dance and the second being that the health corset would likely make a wonderful starting corset for younger girls, especially those who tend towards the tomboy like nature. If any other witch has tried a heath corset, we invite you to write to us here at Witch Weekly with your opinion of it! Will you convert or no?

Dr. Warner's Health Corsets

  

[Witch Weekly]

What patronus suits you best? Often taught during one's NEWT years in Defense Against the Dark Arts, the patronus does not seem to have many uses but even so, they are quite a marvel. Patronuses are also said to match the personality of the caster. Take our quiz and see which patronus suits your personality! In Hogwarts, where could you most often be found? a) Library b) The Lake c) Common Room d) Great Hall Which personality trait do you value the most? a) Intelligence b) Unique c) Kind d) Social Which of the following would your friends say about you? a) "She is quite the intellectual, always working to improve herself." b) "She is quite the eccentric and paves her own path in life." c) "She is quite the open soul and I can talk to her about anything." d) "She is going to take over the world someday." Pick a color: a) Red b) Purple c) White d) Emerald How are you at social gatherings? a) I am often involved in deep conversations. b) I am often making sure that everyone is having a good time. c) I am often found giving advice to younger women. d) I am often being the belle of the ball and making sure that I have spoken to everyone of importance. Which is your favored spell? a) Expelliarmus b) Lumos c) Protego d) Stupefy

Which Hogwarts Class was your favorite? a) Transfiguration b) Alchemy c) Care of Magical Creatures d) Defense Against the Dark Arts Pick an object: a) Broom b) Sorting Hat c) Wand d) A Golden Snitch Your best friends suitor stops courting her. How do you react? a) You give her advice on how to improve herself so that he will either come back to her or she can keep her next suitor interested. b) You simply listen to her woes and provide your comfort. c) You provide your sympathetic ear but refrain from actually saying anything about your personal opinions on it just in case word gets back to him. d) You move in on him and take him for yourself. a) Magpie Those with a magpie patronus possess impressive minds and are very perceptive. They take in information through observation of the world around them. People with magpie patronuses have a willful nature and a need to constantly improve themselves. b) Thestral The thestral is a very rare patronus and tends to come to those who are considered to be unusual. They are gentle at heart and kind to those around them. They are very understanding and make for great friends with their excellent ears for listening. C) Doe Those that possess a doe patronus tend to be gentle, observant souls. They also tend to be quite timid and stay back from confrontations. They also tend to have a strong maternal instinct and make for great mothers. D) Mink Mink patronus holders tend to be quite witty and fun to be around in a social gathering. They are also tricky, ambitious and cunning. They do absolutely anything to reach their goals and don't let anyone else stand in their way.

  

[Witch Weekly]

Handsomest Professional Quidditch Players As every respectable girl knows, or ought to know, Quidditch players on the whole make for very poor choices of husbands. The salary provided to someone who, in essence, plays a game for a living is often times barely adequate to support a man himself, and is entirely insufficient to support a wife or family. Even those who are self-possessed of a great deal of wealth and may not need the daily income ought to be avoided, because playing Quidditch as a career shows, in a man of wealth and breeding, an unnatural obsession with rough and ungentlemanly pursuits; while the wife of such a player may be well provided for financially, she will almost certainly not be cherished emotionally. That being said, it is a very well-known phenomenon that many young women (and not-so-young women, in fact!) develop infatuations with these players while watching the games. Readers may be familiar with the term 'broom bunny,' a woman who will fancy herself quite in love with a man after having merely seeing him fly! We cannot deny that there is an inescapable charm Quidditch players exude while in the performance of their duties. And so, with the admonition that our readers would do best to look, but not touch, here is our list of most handsome Quidditchers! Those with tickets to the Round Two finals matches this afternoon may be able to see some of them in action, as it were! Mr. Fitzroy Prewett has the traditional fair Prewett appearance, and also has a twin brother! #1. Mr. Fitzroy Prewett. A beater and Captain for the Chudley Cannons, Mr. Prewett is not only unspeakably handsome but also very charismatic, and charms almost every young woman who comes into contact with him. Unfortunately, he may be too much of a charmer; he married Mrs. Georgiana Prewett in 1886 on a rather suspiciously tight timeline. Given that the two welcomed a son into the world shortly thereafter, there has been some speculation about whether the marriage was entirely above-board. It's quite unfortunate, as Mr. Fitzroy Prewett, with his combination of family money and charm, might otherwise have been the one exception to our general rule against courting and marrying Quidditchers! Mr. Tybalt Kirke hails from a Muggle family, though has several magical siblings. #2. Mr. Tybalt Kirke. Mr. Kirke is another beater, from the Irvingly-based Hogsmeade Howlers. He is also the youngest player on our list, having only graduated Hogwarts in 1884. The very image of tall, dark, and handsome, Mr. Kirke could perhaps be cast a bit on the rougher side, given his frequently unkempt hair, though given his profession as a beater this ought to surprise no one. Unsurprisingly given his young age, Mr. Kirke has not, to our knowledge, expressed an interest in any particular young ladies, and probably will not be capable of supporting a wife for another decade at least - until he is old enough to have retired from Quidditch into a more respectable profession! The Bixbys are a well-known Quidditch family. #3. Mr. Rufus Bixby. Mr. Bixby is a chaser for Puddlemere United, and comes from a family of Quidditch industry professionals. As the oldest son, Mr. Bixby may be in a position to marry while still playing Quidditch, but certainly not for at least half a decade and probably not until after the deaths of his parents (both of which are still in very good health). With his short hair and more lean stature compared to the beaters, Mr. Bixby is a bit of a diversion from the rest of our list, but still quite handsome! Unsurprisingly, given his team sponsor's reputation as a host, Mr. Zavala can often be seen at social events. #4. Mr. Esteban Zavala. Another charismatic figure, Mr. Esteban Zavala is the Captain and keeper for Puddlemere United. Unfortunately, unlike Mr. Prewett he does not come from old money, meaning on a Quidditch salary he is likely unable to adequately support a young lady of character. Despite this, there were rumors of his interest in a young woman several months ago that were quite vehement, but such rumors appear to be short-lived as we could not even uncover the name of the girl now. He also is reported to have connections to some unsavory activities in London espousing and advocating radical political ideas - as such, this is a man best kept at a distance (though he is quite a pleasure to watch from a distance!) Mr. Magnus Lockhart quit Quidditch after marrying his wife, Ruth, but rejoined this season. #5. Mr. Magnus Lockhart. This Chudley Cannons beater is best observed from a distance; while he can be a delight to watch on the pitch his incredible height and rough manner makes him intimidating for any lady to be around in person. On the subject of the former, Mr. Lockhart was once accused of being part giant, and of note, he never refuted the claim! Perhaps his potentially mixed ancestry has something to do with his brusque manner, as well? Half-giants, after all, are hardly known for the eloquence! While Mr. Lockhart may have an impressively athletic build, he is also, regrettably, rather a case in point for our argument against respectable women marrying Quidditch players. Although Mr. Lockhart gave Quidditch up for several years to pursue a Ministry career, rumor has it that he and his wife have never quite overcome their initial financial struggles, and his frequent injuries this season have only left them more strained. Anyone tempted by the idea of a supposedly eligible Quidditch player ought to consider the cautionary tale of Mrs. Ruth Lockhart! With that we conclude our list, but will state again for the benefit of our readers that we do not advocate any pursuit of professional Quidditch players. A discerning young lady might take caution not to even indulge in too long an acquaintance with them, as she might damage her own reputation through the connection - but do enjoy the season finals!

@'Fitzroy Prewett' @'Tybalt Kirke' @'Rufus Bixby' @'Esteban Zavala' @'Magnus Lockhart' @'Ruth Lockhart'

  

[Witch Weekly]

Was Minister Ross Involved in a Ploy to Rid of Herschel Dawlish? Our Sources Say "Yes!"

It was on the 31st of December that Chief Warlock Herschel Dawlish was last seen, and many have been speculation about where he possibly could have gone! Theories ranging from him fleeing to the countryside to avoid embarrassment surrounding his unsuccessful ministerial campaign to him having eloped with a loose woman have circulated in the past week, but many still remain unsure of his whereabouts. Luckily, sources close to the Chief Warlock have revealed what shocking truth about what actually happened to him: Herschel Dawlish was murdered in a political conspiracy linked back to none other than the recently elected Minister of Magic, Justin Ross! The Chief Warlock's values are in direct opposition to the agenda of Minister Ross. Many our informed readers know that the relationship between the Minister’s office and the Wizengamot have been tultumous in the past four years. With the election of former minister Balthazar Urquart, the public — including the many working class citizens who are now able to cast their vote! — has supported liberal-leaning policies that directly conflict with the interests of many of the conservative-leaning Wizengamot members, including the Chief Warlock himself!

Last summer, the Wizengamot pulled a controversial stunt when they held a secret meeting to outlaw interspecies marriage while the Minister was at his own wedding! Rumors began circulating that the Minister’s policies directly conflicted with their agendas, and many suspected that it would not be the last time the lawmaking body took advantage of the Minister’s absence to pass laws that he would object. After Minister Urquart resigned, the public made it clear that they still supported the actions and policies of the former minister by electing Mr. Justin Ross, Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement and close friend of Minister Urquart. With prejudice towards half-breeds still prevalent in society (as well as a the werewolf dilemma that lawmakers are conflicted over!), the source close to the Chief Warlock tells us that Minister Ross would do anything to make sure his proposed laws and policies are not blocked — including arranging a murder for the Chief Warlock himself! The source says that, while many may not believe his claims, that the truth come to light when the following events take place: the Chief Warlock will be announced dead, and the Minister will see to it that a new Chief Warlock — one that better aligns with his values — is elected to the highest seat on the Wizengamot. Where will this story take us? If true, how long will it be until Mr. Dawlish's death — and the true reason it occurred — is revealed to all of us?

@'Herschel Dawlish' @'Justin Ross' @'Balthazar Urquart'