That Awkward Moment When There's No Penis

June 16th, 1886.

U.

@'Thom Pettigrew'
[Sent June 17th]

RE: That Awkward Moment When There's No Penis - Thom Pettigrew - 07-24-2016

Ursula,

20 June, 1886

What's happened? Is something the matter? Has your husband discovered something, or done something? Is our child the baby alright?

By the time you get this whatever emergency has risen will surely have passed. I won't be home for another two weeks at least (this damned boat), but if I were a more confident Apparitionist I'd be at your side in an instant. You must tell me what's happened at once, and what you need--if something has happened with your husband, you are not without refuge. Gossip be damned, you can come to my house--the one in Lancashire, where no one should bother you--or to our little cottage. It's probably in disrepair at this point, but it would do to keep you safe, at least.

Tell me what's happened at once--or as soon as you're able, at any rate. Believe me when I say I shall hardly breathe until I hear your reply. I won't be able to write back until you do, though--they don't keep any owls onboard, so I'm keeping yours for my reply now. Please write soon.

Yours,
Thom

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RE: That Awkward Moment When There's No Penis - Ursula Black - 07-24-2016

June 24th, 1886

My Dearest Thom,

Nothing is the matter, nothing perilous at any rate. I am ever so sorry for worrying you, I had only wanted to let you know that our child was born and I could barely put the quill to parchment at the time.

You must let me know when you are back in the country so I may see you.

Ursula

RE: That Awkward Moment When There's No Penis - Thom Pettigrew - 07-24-2016

Ursula,

27 June, 1886

That's wonderful news! Of course I forgive you entirely for worrying me, though it was quite a fright--and with a new baby of course there was much to wory about. But you are recovering well? And he is healthy? You never said whether Phineas agreed to the name Regulus or not, so I shall assume he found no fault with it. I can't wait to meet him. Unfortunately I won't be back in the country until at least mid-July. We've run across a storm, I'm afraid, and though it's passed now (so they tell me), they had to navigate farther south than they otherwise might have in order to avoid the worst of it, and now we've two, maybe even three weeks before we're back on dry land. I suppose that might be for the best--it isn't polite to visit too soon after a birth and if I were in the country I feel sure I would be unable to stop myself from calling on you. But please, write and tell me everything you can about our son.

Yours Forever,
Thom

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RE: That Awkward Moment When There's No Penis - Thom Pettigrew - 07-24-2016

My darling,

19 July, 1886

I arrived yesterday. When can I see you?

Sinc.,
Thom

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RE: That Awkward Moment When There's No Penis - Ursula Black - 07-24-2016

July 19th, 1886

Thom,

Today, tomorrow, the day after? There is nothing I am doing I cannot delay.

Where?

Ursula

RE: That Awkward Moment When There's No Penis - Thom Pettigrew - 07-24-2016

Ursula,

20 July, 1886

I'll call on you; or, rather, I'll call on Phineas under the pretense that I didn't know he was out (he is out, isn't he?) Regardless, I want to see our little boy, so even if Phineas is in I'll call on you at home, and then we can devise a more private meeting later. I'm afraid your letters have been lost for some weeks now, and I couldn't write to you until I returned, so you'll have to excuse me for being wholly ignorant about the boy.

Thom

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RE: That Awkward Moment When There's No Penis - Ursula Black - 07-24-2016

July 20th, 1886

He may be out, I am not entirely sure of his schedule and he does not tell me when he is leaving for someplace. He is less predictable in the summer months.

I cannot wait to see you.

Ursula