Sophie: Volume I

[Sophie Hathaway]

owner:Sophie Hathaway
start date: 29 March, 1885
end date: TBA
other information: n/a

  

[Sophie Hathaway]

Julius instead that if I am to become a hermit and never set another foot outside that I at least make an entry everyday. He instists that it will help with my mental state of being. I don't believe he knows what he is saying, but perhaps it will.

For the past few years I have been through more than anyone should go through before they turn sixteen, or even in their life.

I am fifteen, and expecting my second child. My first one, my son, was stillborn. I do not even remember what he was. Was he half-vampyre? Part wolf? Or would he have grown up, to be wizard? Would he have gotten into Hogwarts, unlike his mother? He would have been a bastard child-- society would have looked down on him, that I am sure of.

Will they look down at this child, my unborn child, who seems to grow everyday? Will they mistreat her due to her only being fifteen, nearly sixteen, years younger than her mother?

Would my sisters accept this child even if I hadn't been disowned? Or would they be horrified at the things I've done, the things I've had done to me?

  

[Sophie Hathaway]

It's difficult, to put my emotions into words. How can one say today is worse than yesterday, when they where both equally as hard? The next months, and perhaps the rest of my life, will be difficult. My child's life is going to be hard, and it hasn't even been born yet.

I can't eat, not that this child won't let me-- she's been deprived of nutrition as much as I have. Her stomach may not be used to it, and even if it was, I doubt she'd enjoy the food I do have access too.

We both haven't regularly eaten; I don't want to know how hard it will be once it's born. Will it even survive? Will it be stillborn, like it's brother, or will it live out its life, to the fullest? Will I be able to protect it, or will it suffer the same fate as I have suffered?

  

[Sophie Hathaway]

Settling back into society is difficult; you have to learn all the social ques all over again. Perhaps it is my urge to run whenever someone so much as glances my way.

My child shall, hopefully, be born sometime in the next few weeks. It will be difficult, to raise a child. I get the feeling that Julius would rather not help raise a child-- one that is not his own. It'll be up to me, but perhaps I should give it to my parents-- even though they disowned me.

I have a feeling, I don't know how, that this child just might be Magical.

  

[Sophie Hathaway]

I have found this diary after almost a year of searching. I do not remember where I had put it, or how it even came into my position again.

My child was born on April 15, 1885. She grew everyday. After she was born, Julius didn't want her to stay in his house, didn't want either of us to stay, really.. I didn't want to give her up. She should have stayed with her mother. But she's better in the home she's in now; never to know that she was born of a Squib who hadn't been able to take care of herself, let alone a child.

I don't know where Julius placed her, but he said it was a safe enough place. 

I haven't ventured out into society much; I have grown accustomed to not seeing the changes. I want to go home, to my family, but I wouldn't want to drag their social status down to my level, even if Mother deserves it.

  

[Sophie Hathaway]

Today, I found old letters between myself and my older sister. They weren't all that old, but they went from hate and disgust to concerned.

She did love me when we where kids, in her own way, but I'm unsure if I can forgive her or my family, for it was them who chased me away for not being like them; for not being magical. Mother will see, in ten years, that there was magic in me... Just not the same kind. 

Magic that Witches and Wizards can do aren't exactly the same as what Muggles can do; but we all have the potential to have magical children.

I'm positive my daughter, wherever, whoever, she may be will be going to Hogwarts.

  

[Sophie Hathaway]

I didn't sleep well. Nightmares have haunted me for a year, but they where never this bad. I don't remember what it was about, I just know I woke up in sweating.

  

[Sophie Hathaway]

My days seem to go in a pattern. Sleep, write, eat a little, maybe look outside and long to go out. I wish I did not feel like this; I wish I could got out and not feel suffocated by society.

  

[Sophie Hathaway]

My daughter and her new family walked by today. They look like a perfect family, and I don't think anyone will think she's even mine. They look so a like, like the mother could be her Biological mother. I wonder if she'll ever be told that her first few days were spent with me before being taken to them. I wonder if they'll ever tell her that they found her, on their doorstep,  late at night. I wonder if, in twenty years, if she'll know the truth, if she'll be hunting for her Biological Mother. 

She's got to be magical,  I know it, I felt it when she wasn't even born. Maybe that's how all mother's feel. Did mine know I didn't have magic, yet tried to deny it until she couldn't anymore;  until I didn’t get an acceptance letter to Hogwarts?

  

[Sophie Hathaway]

It is difficult to continue staying where I am. I want to go out and be free, maybe in a different time it could happen. Maybe in a different time I could... be free.

  

[Sophie Hathaway]

October 31, 1887
It feels weird that a year ago I ran into a vampire named Lisa and never thought to mention her in this book until now. I had thought about asking her to kill me, but I never did and I'm not sure that's what I want anymore. I'm glad I never gathered the courage to ask, because knowing my luck I'd end up a miserable vampire.