A Mess Of A Wife?

[Belladonna Normanson]

A Journal - Belladonna Normanson

"For the thoughts I may have, I dedicate these pages. They may yet bring me peace, but I seek no resolve from them."

  

[Belladonna Normanson]

May 26th, 1886

Dear Journal,

While I may have thought this to be trivial before, mostly due to my stubborn nature to record my thoughts, I felt as though this was needed. Atticus can only take so much of my worry and fear - I feel as if he grows tired of my emotions running rampant. The inn has been my home for so long and I tempt fate when I fall victim to my husband's possible return - a return that has yet to occur, though one that will surely happen.

My constant thoughts of him still pester me... They corrupt my mind and being to the fullest capacity and I cannot rid them despite my attempts. My words may prove to be a self fulfilling prophecy soon enough and I can't expose my family to such atrocities. The fact that someone could do such a vile thing as defile a house elf... A creature who lives to serve with no choice beyond. It poses to be such a devious and defiling act and I can only predict that he may do the same to me in the future. This is why my thoughts culminate in fear. I have put everyone around me through enough and will certainly fight to keep us where we are.

[Belladonna Normanson]

July 27, 1886

Dear Journal,

The children seem to be getting along. There have not been any disappearances as of late, however I will not put it past any of them to cause me as much stress as young Gulliver. Raising young boys is quite the adventure and I truly hope gets easier from here on out. Luckily there have been no run-ins with the constable, so I can at least breathe a little easier at night knowing my children aren't causing any severe or lasting damage to the town. Here's hoping.

[Belladonna Normanson]

November 27, 1886

Dear Journal,

Despite my mind trying to conceal these thoughts, it has been apparent to me--through rumors, among other gossip about the inn--that Jonathan may be in search of me or the children. He, of course, couldn't have been gone for this long of a time, despite the heinous act committed. No man of such... decent standing prior could be treated so harshly. Or perhaps they could. My knowledge on such matters is minimal and, in all true honesty, I would prefer it remained so. I wish not to be regaled with stories of how Azkaban was, the people within the institution, or stories of how he "has a right" to be within close distance of his once loving family.

I cannot say that anyone is deserving of such treatment, but when the heart is tortured in such a way to evoke even a thought about writing down its feelings, there must be something done. The man that I had acquainted myself with at Hogwarts is no longer associated with fond memories. Only darkness runs through my mind when I hear his name or when I stumble upon a letter he had sent over the years. The pain he has put me through is irreparable and cannot be expressed to anyone or anything beyond the pages of this loosely bound pit of confessions.

  

[Belladonna Normanson]

December 21, 1886

Dear Journal,

A change of pace from my previous entries, I have decided to write about my beautiful children instead of the darkened cloud I claim is always following me. Jessa has been, presumably, doing fairly well at Hogwarts and that is all I can ever ask or expect of her. I do hope she is planning on returning home for the holidays, however I would not mind an extended leave provided she spends that time being productive or with friends. Who would I be to deny her that opportunity anyways? I had remained at the school for a few holidays myself, so any opposition on the matter would only make me a hypocrite. I mustn't interfere more than I already have. In fact, the more that I think about it, she may even be safer at the school and out of reach from the desperate hands of her father.

The horizon looks brighter each day the children present me with their gleeful grins and glimmering eyes. Their presence alone gives me meaning and keeps me thinking of the wonderful futures they will develop for themselves. My only hope remains that contact between us does not diminish, even if that turns into a letter or visit annually. While I have no doubts of this ever being the case, it remains a mother's wish to know how her children are doing at all times. As of now, they are all doing wonderfully.

  

[Belladonna Normanson]

January 17, 1887

Dear Journal,

Before writing this entry, I really had to take a step back to reflect on the year prior and think about every situation I was faced with, how I handled it, and where it’s landed me. Truly, I would wish to say the year went by like a breeze, however I don’t think that has been the case for some time now. My mind, if anything, caused the majority of my issues and remains a continuous problem I intend to work on daily. Besides this, the work at the inn remained steady—if not exciting at some moments—and the children kept me busy throughout the day. Jessa heading off to Hogwarts was definitely a huge shift, still one I am getting used to, but I do have high hopes for her to succeed and to show her siblings that we aren’t so abnormal after all. I even think Atticus is warming up to the idea of more magical family members under one roof, however I fail to see such a mindset continue for the immediate future. The wizarding patrons of the inn tend to give the rest of us a poor name. It’s a shame really, for our populations are marred by the few that think themselves above “muggle” fashions and regulations. I, at least, practice my ability out of direct sight and indirectly plead for my peers to do the same.

For this year, I want to keep working on myself. While that may present itself as a cliché, I find what one does with that sentiment over what they mean by it speaks volumes. As an example, if one works towards bettering their self-esteem, they could, in turn, feel much happier within their own skin. If someone were to, let’s say, buy themselves material objects to “feel better about themselves”, the meaning of the resolution turns in my opinion. While it still makes them feel better, I can’t say that it would have a long-lasting impact—it’s a temporary fix, if anything. I truly wish to create an environment that makes everyone feel at home and, hopefully, makes me comfortable and not worry so much. That is the expansion and extent of my version of the statement and I intend to bring it to reality.

  

[Belladonna Normanson]

March 30th, 1887

Dear Journal,

It has been a few months since I've visited you and I can honestly say I am proud of myself for staying at a distance. I have since reflected on my previous entry however and feel as if my thoughts since writing that page have changed immensely. I have become more open, so I believe, to the possibility of change and acceptance and know that not everything will be framed into a picturesque setting I've desperately imagined for several years now. Jessa is enjoying her time at Hogwarts; I couldn't be more happy for her. She is following in the footsteps of her mother and will soon take on a career hopefully of a higher standing than co-owning an inn. Not that this isn't a great place to work, just that I want the best for her and all of her dreams to reach fulfillment.

I must wait a few years to witness such an occurrence however. My children are growing so fast that I can barely keep track. Each milestone acts as another memory I will treasure for the remainder of my days and keeps this witch moving further and further down the road of success. I can now slowly begin to see a brighter future for my family and hope there are no large bumps along the way.

Here's to another few months and another reprieve from the pages of this bound book!

  

[Belladonna Normanson]

August 1st, 1887

Dear Journal,

I return to you to express my feelings on the recent disaster at the world market. Although tragedy avoided the family--most thankfully--I can't help but think what I would have done had one of the children, or even my brother, succumbed to the pressure of the rubble or ferocity of the flying beasts. The families that are now suffering due to this careless "accident" remain in my thoughts and keep me hyper vigilant, for I know not what may occur in the near future that could exhibit such destruction and devastation. Nor do I want to plague my mind with these imaginative, horrid thoughts.

Now, more than ever, I must maintain a close watch on the children to prevent their fates from being realized too soon. They all have lives they are destined to live and I will see to the success of this journey so long as my body allows it. While I cannot provide for them in ways other families can, my hope is that my love and dedication prove my worth both in their minds and hearts.