Dear Bentley

[Elsie Beauregard]

4th January 1885

Dear Bentley,

It's ruined. Everything is ruined. I can't even tell you what it is exactly, but whatever was going on between Tyb and myself, it's over. I thought, for once, that something might be going my way, how naive of me. I didn't want it to end and I especially didn't want it to end like that. We'd never even had a chance to discuss what we were going to do- just floating along in a happy little bubble and now it's burst and I'm not sure if I can fix it.

It's my fault, naturally, I manage to break everything. There are reasons behind why I think I'll never marry, why spinsterhood is probably best for me. Grip left me, Mr. Parker simply dropped everything and while I was never in love with either of them, doesn't it say something to the fact that I am the common factor? I've never been a pessimist, you know this, I just don't think I'm meant to have Adella's fairy tale ending.

I would have liked to think we could have worked things out- mum would have come around, eventually. I hoped anyway. Now it all seems irrelevant thanks to those ridiculous letters I'd been getting. I'd been tossing them, writing back and trying to rebuff the advances as graciously as I could, but I've run out of patience and niceties. Unfortunately there was one in my pocket, as it had arrived at work and I'd completely forgotten about it- until it fell out just before Tyb and I were set to go skating. Once I saw what it was, I over reacted, because I'm an idiot and everything just spiraled downhill from there. Tyb was upset, naturally and I failed to convince him that they meant nothing. They mean nothing but that look on his face, I can't even begin to describe how much it hurt.

And now I don't know what to do. I can't research the answer, I won't find it in any book; I don't know what to do and it's harder than I would ever care to admit.

Love,
Elsie