Charming is a Victorian Era Harry Potter roleplay set primarily in the village of Hogsmeade, Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, and the non-canon village of Irvingly. Characters of all classes, both magical and muggle — and even non-human! — are welcome.
With a member driven story line, monthly games and events, and a friendly and drama-free community focused on quality over quantity, the only thing you can be sure of is fun!
"Are you always this forward?" He asked teasingly since it would be a very short thread if he just ignored her entirely. — Tobin Cartwright in Take A Peek
Did you know? Churchgoers and worshippers had to endure a foul stench during prayers due to the amount of bodies often stored within the vaults of churches and chapels.
I don't know if I'm setting myself up for heartache by doing this, but I need to do something. I need somewhere to get out what's on my chest and in my head. A new journal seems like something to try. I don't want to burden anybody with this, that's not fair. I don't want anybody to know how much of a mess I am, though I'm probably not doing a very good job of hiding it.
It hurts. You're gone and it hurts. The funeral was two days ago, it's over and you're gone. I don't think I've really realized just how gone, even though I watched them put a casket in the ground and the headstone has your name on it. I still feel like a letter from you could arrive at any moment, that when I go home for the Christmas holidays that you'll be there with a smile on her face and arms open for a hug. It won't happen, I know that, but part of me is still hopeful.
Daddy gave me your pocket watch, you know the one I bought you for your graduation? They found in the ash, just a little charred, your initials on the back like Daddy had engraved. The metal is discolored and I don't think it will work again, but other than that it looks fine. It's stuck on 5:13. Ben what were you thinking at 5:13 on October 2nd, 1883? Why did it have to get stuck on my birthday numbers? Why couldn't you have left work a little late? Why did you go straight home? Why didn't you need to stop at the store for something? Why did you have to see the building on fire and rush right in? Why couldn't you just let somebody else take care of it?
It's not fair. It's not fair that you are were such a Gryffindor, brave enough to try and help people out of a burning building and I'm nowhere even close. If I was more of a Gryffindor I wouldn't be hiding in my room from all of the glances, the whispers and everything else that keeps reminding me you're gone. I went to class today and just stared straight ahead, I took notes and I left. I can't take it.
It hurts and I can't take it. I just want to curl up in bed and cry it all out over again. I have and it just never seems to be enough. I don't know what to do, I don't know if this is helping, but I think I need to be done for tonight. Thinking about it too much just makes me even more of a mess and I have work to make up from last week.
Somehow I feel like these first few entries are all going to be similar, but let's see if I can't make it through this one without completely breaking down like I did last time. I almost threw out the last page because it was so tear-stained.
Mum sent me a new chain for your pocket watch. The links in the last one were far too damaged to be useful. This one's a bit softer because I told her I wanted to wear it. Harvey helped me find the right spell to shrink it a little bit so I can wear it as a necklace. I would lose it if it was in my pocket. So now it hangs right under Daddy's locket. I can't open it any more though, the irony of the time it's stuck on hits far too close to home, though I haven't told anybody else that yet.
I did manage to venture down into the common room for a little bit today, not for very long; I fear my friends think I'm turning into a recluse, but thankfully my roommate knows I haven't died up here. It's just hard to ignore all the looks of sympathy even though I know they're meant to be kind and comforting. Unfortunately all it does is remind me of what happened.
I thought I would be writing in here every day. Turns out getting back to normal isn't taking as long as I anticipated. Of course NEWTs are quite time consuming. I can't say that I mind. It's nice to have something familiar to occupy my time as well. Concentrating on things I'm good at or things I can put more effort into are a good distraction.
I've been spending a lot of time at the piano lately too. It's been a while, but I miss it. When I don't have anything else to do, I just like to sit and play. I wish I hadn't given it up back in third year, having one class that didn't have any impact on my future, but it's too late now. Did I ever tell you I want to teach? I honestly can't remember. I think I'd like to start as a governess like mum and maybe eventually come back to Hogwarts. That's at least a few years off, but I think it'll all come full circle. I never thought I'd feel quite so comfortable here, leaving at the end of the year is a little daunting, or at least it's becoming so the more I think of it.
Sebastian asked me about the Coming Out Ball the other day. I couldn't even give him a solid answer because there's no way I'm going to have any success with it, but I suppose as long as I don't fall down the stairs I'll be alright. It's not like I'm ever going to get married anyway, so what's the big deal? I wonder if I ever told you that either. I don't think so. I don't think I've told anybody that. Is that sad? Is it strange that I only have career goals and no personal goals? I don't anticipate getting married or having kids like Adella does. Maybe that's not normal, but I guess I just don't think anybody would ever want to. I'm turning introspective, I suppose that's enough for tonight.
I love you, I wish you were here to tell me I'm being silly.
I started writing a song, nothing with lyrics, but a simple piano piece. It gives me something to do other than schoolwork, not that I have a lot of time for it, but it keeps me busy. I have no idea how long it'll take me, if I even finish it, but I suppose it gives me something to look forward to. Who knows, maybe once I graduate I'll have more time to work on it. NEWTs are certainly going to inhibit my free time, especially come spring.
There's a Fall Festival at the end of the month. It seems like it will be a lot of fun, people are speaking of dressing in costume to go. I'm not sure I'll venture out. It is on our Hogsmeade visit day, though I think I will go home and see Dora, Mum and Adella. It's sad you never got to meet Dora, you would have liked her, she's a sweet love. Tyb and I found her on our last Hogsmeade day last May, just before my birthday. I probably told you about her. I was shocked mum let me keep her. Guess you don't turn seventeen every day after all.
Even if I did go to the Fall Festival I would never know what to wear for a costume. I suppose I'll have to think on it more. I cannot even decide if I want to go or not. I'll have to find out if anybody else plans on going, though I don't know why they wouldn't.
I think I've been coerced into going to the Fall Festival. At least I thought of a costume. Mum helped out brilliantly. She sent me an old cloak of hers with a spell to transfigure it red and it certainly came out red. It's going to feel weird wearing such a bright color after wearing black for over a month, but I'm not sure I mind. I realize the significance of the black, but it is awfully dreary and an unwelcome reminder every morning of why I'm wearing it. That's probably the purpose though.
Coming up with a costume wasn't as hard as I thought, I just went through my faery tale books. I should have thought to do it sooner. Then again I wasn't sure I was going. I didn't really decide to go either, I suppose. Really I chose to do something so that my friends don't think I've completely lost my mind. They've been so supportive this whole time and I think I owe it to them to at least try and be normal. Normally I would enjoy an event like that, so I may as well put on a happy face and give it a shot. It's not going to hurt anything, anyway. Harvey's going too. He informed me he and his best mate, Andren, are going to be leprechauns. I thought that was pretty creative. I wonder if Adella will venture out. I should owl her and as her to bring Dora.
Oh Bentley! I thought I was expelled for sure! I'm sure you would have never thought you'd read those words from me, but honestly it wasn't my fault. It wasn't anybody's fault, but I didn't learn that until today.
Apparently somebody cursed the tickets to the Fall Festival; I thought I was Little Red Riding Hood, for three days. Ben I was in the woods with Tyb for three whole days and I don't remember any of it! I know you'd be laughing right now, but even now I'm still waiting for them to expel me! It seems anything that happened while under the curse is being forgiven, but I have all of these hazy memories that don't connect and I can't make any sense of them. I don't know if I want to make sense of them. None of connects to anything else, it's really as if they're somebody else's memories and I can't even tell if I dreamed them up or not. They're foggy memories but really vivid for dreams. I don't usually remember my dreams, but these keep floating around in the back of my mind, sneaking up on me when I least expect it.
I just hope I haven't made things too incredibly awkward for Tyb... it was a pretty compromising situation we found ourselves in... Oh Merlin, I'm blushing just writing about it. I can't.
It's been a week and there's a horrid rumor floating around school about me. Me! Of all of us, nobody would have expected a rumor about me! It's ridiculous. Thankfully it's just me as apparently nobody wanted to mention Tyb, which I'm thankful for, but honestly I hate it. I hate the rumor mill and the gossip ring, go study people! At least do something more productive with your time than question something you know nothing about. People are so obnoxious. It makes me so angry and embarrassed and I hope it fades quickly.
I feel like I've neglected to write for so long, but there's been nothing of note to write about. The holidays were somber and quiet and I didn't like it at all. We all missed you so much, but nobody could bring you up. I cried when I pulled out your stocking for the mantle. But I hung it and I don't regret it. I had to have something of you there to remind me of all the good times.
We went ice skating the other day, Harvey and Owen and I. Owen ran poor Tyb over, though I hadn't any idea he would be there I swear. If you were here to look at me every time I mentioned him, I know you'd have something to say about it, I just know it. I can't help it! He's my best friend. You're giving me that look right now Bentley, stop it. At least all of the rumors about me have faded and there was no implication following so I suppose I'm in the clear.
I'm so very terrible at writing lately. With NEWTs and Odira's wedding I feel like I've hardly had a moment to stop a breathe, let alone write. The wedding was beautiful though. All of the planning was well worth it. Odira was stunning and I was humbled to be a part of it. Considering I will only ever be in weddings and never have my own, it's nice to be included.
Now though, with that over I feel like it's all studying from here until May. I will unfortunately start worrying about the Coming Out Ball at some point too, like I need to fret over something else- stop looking at me like that, please. It's going to be a disaster and I know it. There's no ifs, ands or buts about it.
I'm in trouble Bentley. The Dread of the Debut has started and I feel like it's suffocating me. NEWTs I can handle- throw me all the tests and I will be fine- maybe not as good on the practical ones, but I will pass History of Magic with flying colors. This silly ball though. Is it weird I'm not looking forward to it? The closer we get, the more everybody wants to talk about about it and the more I want to avoid it.
Except it's unavoidable.
Even at home- Adella's making my dress and it's going to be beautiful I know, and I'm thankful she's putting in the time, but I'm going to ruin it somehow, I just know it. How couldn't I? I'm going to trip or fall down the stairs or fall while dancing, not that anybody will ask me to dance, but still! I wish mum was not so insistent. I wouldn't participate if it wasn't for her breathing down my neck about it. I love her, I do, but we're never on the same page when it comes to what I want for my life...
I know I should stop whining, she's just looking out for me, but it's hard!
It's tomorrow- NEWTs are over and I have no distraction. It's going to be an utter disaster. I wish you were here to be in the crowd, a friendly face I could pinpoint and use to help me calm down. I'll have your pocket watch on- hopefully it will be enough.
It may sound selfish, but these are the times I miss you the most- I need you to calm me down, to help me breathe and refocus. You were the only one who could ever do that and I miss you now more than ever.
I would have written yesterday if I didn't sleep half the day and then spend the other half trying not to look like one of those sappy storybook princesses pining over a prince. Except that's exactly what I did. Even Mother commented on it, she was so quick to catch on too! She asked straight away if there had been somebody who caught my eye and even though there was, I couldn't very well say yes! I lied a little while lie and told her I was just happy the whole thing was over- which I am, but that was not the whole of it.
I suppose I have to tell the whole story now- but I need to backtrack a little bit, even though I can't give you specifics. I feel like you have either gathered, or I should have said something sooner, but things have changed between Tyb and myself. I couldn't tell you exactly when it happened, only that it's been slowly happening for a long time, but I think I might be in love with him. I know you'd be going for your big brother pants right now, but he's my best friend. He puts up with my awkward blushing and poor judgement of jokes. We're complete opposites and for some reason it works. I knew it had to be one-sided, how could it be anything else? I was the silly girl who went and fell for her best friend. It's the plot of a sappy story everybody has read a hundred times.
Only it's not- it can't be.
The Coming Out Ball went about as well as I expected- I tripped on the very last stair and everybody saw. I knew it would happen, I was too worried, too worked up for anything to go my way. However- when I escaped the ball to the grounds, everything kind of fell into place. It very nearly didn't- I almost ruined it; I wouldn't have been surprised if I had- but it was far from ruined.
I'm blushing, I bet you can see it and you'd be laughing if you could, but after I fell, I went outside to catch my breath, but Tyb followed and it was immensely awkward. I thought, well I didn't know what I thought, all of the specifics from the beginning are a little foggy- I suppose a first kiss will do that to you. Now you're scowling, stop it. It makes me grin and blush like the school girl I used to be and it's embarrassing, but I don't even care. Stop scowling and be happy for me, please.
You probably think I'm ridiculous at this point, but I can't help it- when I'm not at work or helping out at home my thoughts have nowhere else to wander! I try not to think about Tyb too much, because I start to over think everything, as always. (It also elicits goofy smiles and unwarranted blushing.)
I should just enjoy it right? Except we're such good friends, now what? Where do we go from here? We're fresh out of school, and I may be the most reluctant debutante to ever grace Hogsmeade, but that doesn't make it any easier! Tyb's playing quidditch and traveling and I've got work. It's strange not seeing him every day, though I expected that change. What I didn't anticipate was the why behind missing him. We're friends- or we were, I don't know what we are now- and I would have gotten used to not seeing him constantly, but now, with all the wonder surrounding what we're doing, all I want to do is talk to him. Except I can't. Mother's in the process of hiring a chaperon, a chaperon! It would have been easier if I could just drag you around, but I can't! You would understand, but I can't begin to explain anything to anybody because I just don't know!
It's extremely frustrating, you know how I feel about not knowing, but there's nothing I can do. I'd write to him, but I feel like this is something I should do in person, you know? Again, I wish you were here so I could unload all of this on you. The only other person I want to talk to about it is Tyb and that's unfortunately not possible right now. I'll figure it out, eventually. I hope.
I don't think Mamma is too pleased with me, but I really am enjoying my position at Whizzhard's. It's nice to see Odira and Luce on such a regular basis. Not to mention it's a bookstore, we know how much I love those. I do admit, I find myself distracted at work by new titles or things I never knew were there that catch my eye. It's a miracle nobody has said something about my pausing to read a few pages here and there. I am just making sure we're selling quality product after all!
Of course Tyb randomly stopping by is also very distracting. Pretending to find him a quidditch book he'll never read is highly amusing, if it's just a ruse to see him. I did tell you Mamma hired a chaperon right? It's so utterly ridiculous. It makes having a normal conversation so very difficult! Dell doesn't seem to mind, though she does keep mentioning a Mr. Calendar lately... She was always so easy going though, I'm so jealous that not much phases her! She just goes with the flow. Soon enough though Luce will be married though and maybe she'll be an agreeable chaperon! It will certainly be less awkward to have my own cousin in tow than one of Mamma's friends.
My NEWT scores came in! About as expected too. Os in Herbology and Charms, E in everything else, except for Defense, I only got an A. Mum says I shouldn't worry about that, a proper young lady shouldn't have to worry about that, but I could have done better. Fortunately I don't really need it- at least I hope I don't! I like to think I at least have enough sense to protect myself on the most basic of levels. I do suppose that's what Mrs. Haynes is for as well.
Tyb passed too, thank goodness. I felt like such an overbearing nag always dragging him to the library and pointing out he should be studying in the common room. I knew he was going to play professional quidditch after school, but after that he'd need to find something and decent NEWT scores certainly couldn't hurt! I'm just glad it paid off, I felt so awful always pushing him to study. I'm sure it was really the last thing he wanted to do.
It's all over now though. I feel like that was the big realization that I've graduated. The last test scores revealed. Oh! Harvey made Head Boy! Mum was over the moon about it. I'm not really surprised, he's very smart and much more outgoing. He's so involved with clubs and the quidditch commentating. He's very impressed with himself, if you couldn't only see the smug smile on his face.
You'd be proud of him too, I think he's grown up a bit. Losing you He's definitely more focused. I worried about him for a while, he keeps everything locked up so tight, but he seems to have come back around. We're all bouncing back in our own ways, even though we miss you more than we could ever express.
It's feels oh so very strange not to be heading off to school right now. I know seven out of eighteen years isn't even half, but school encompassed my life for so long it's hard to imagine what else to do! I got up and I went to work just like I've been doing all summer, but today if felt different. I suppose all summer I've just been feeling like it was an interim thing, but clearly that is not the case. I'm not going back to school, it just feels so odd.
I'll get over it, I know, but Hogwarts was just as much home as here. My bed in the Gryffindor tower just as much mine as the one here in the house. I know I was never a social butterfly, but I do miss seeing my friends every day, yes, even more than the library. I did learn more than academics at school, even if you wouldn't believe me. Having Mary around the house helps. Mother is very fond of her, which certainly makes things easier. I can tell Dell is happy to have us around too. I think it was hard for her when it was just here and mum, especially after everything happened.
The house is still pretty full even with Harvey, Owen and Lottie off at school. Oh Owen, I do hope Harvey keeps tutoring him. He won't make it past OWLs if we don't sit on him to study, I swear. He's such a good kid though, so resilient and intuitive. Unfortunately he's just not one for the books. I have high hopes for him though. Lottie's blossomed so well, though I worry about her for other reasons. I have to rely on Harvey to keep an eye on them, but like I said, he's doing so much better. They're all young- we're all young and everything will work itself out, I know it will.
![[-]](https://old.charmingrp.com/images/collapse.png)
![[Image: oTMsdz.gif]](https://cdnw.nickpic.host/oTMsdz.gif)
![[Image: 2emz8zq.png]](http://i41.tinypic.com/2emz8zq.png)
