Charming is a Victorian Era Harry Potter roleplay set primarily in the village of Hogsmeade, Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, and the non-canon village of Irvingly. Characters of all classes, both magical and muggle — and even non-human! — are welcome.
With a member driven story line, monthly games and events, and a friendly and drama-free community focused on quality over quantity, the only thing you can be sure of is fun!
"Are you always this forward?" He asked teasingly since it would be a very short thread if he just ignored her entirely. — Tobin Cartwright in Take A Peek
Did you know? Churchgoers and worshippers had to endure a foul stench during prayers due to the amount of bodies often stored within the vaults of churches and chapels.
I hope you finds this well and that you have no more hypothetical situations plaguing your time. I was wondering if you could take a moment to help me with a... situation if you would.
Though I can assume you will find this amusing, I find myself, well, somewhat involved with a gentleman and it took me completely by surprise. I have a continued acquaintance that I find myself running into now and then, not entirely unlike with you, that apparently has started thinking beyond friendship. I truthfully have never thought about this myself, with anyone! The odd thing is, the way I found this out is after a (very public!) argument in which he accused me of well I don't know exactly. He said something about a cuckold, what is that even? It was after he saw me dancing with a close friend of mine (a gentleman I work with) at a previous event and then I was gone for part of the summer and I don't know!
This is all so confusing! I don't know what to do! I was hoping for a gentleman's insight before I bring this to one of my female friends. What do you think?
Why would I find that amusing? The only strange part of this, in my opinion, is your choosing to write me when I'm sure there are many more qualified advisors on the subject, but since you helped me through my hypothetical I could hardly turn down a favor in kind.
Without knowing anything about the gentleman in question or the situation aside what you've written I would be hesitant to pass any very firm judgement, but it seems to me that you've made him jealous. (I would encourage you not to think of it as any fault of yours; men are jealous by nature, particularly when they care about something) If he is only an acquaintance, however, and he hasn't made any more serious intentions known to anyone, then he has no right (and, from what I can tell from your letter, no cause) to be jealous, and it was certainly out of line for him to have accused you of anything.
He certainly owes you an apology for making a public scene of what ought to have been handled discreetly, (and if you say nothing I imagine you'll have one sooner rather than later) and whether or not you accept that apology depends, I think, on what your intentions towards him are. If you've really never thought about it (which I find hard to believe, even if you aren't the sort of woman to run about at balls!) then I would imagine you've some thinking to do.
I hope this was helpful, and I hope your gentleman comes 'round and apologizes soon.
My choice of writing to you was a whim, but helping one another out seems to be a theme to our run-ins, so I rather thought I'd continue on with it. I'm also embarrassed to admit I am still woefully lacking in the friend department.
I am truthfully flabbergasted to think that I was able to make anyone jealous. What is there to be jealous of? I do suppose acquaintance doesn't quite cover it, though I have embarrassed myself in his presence far more than any other person I've ever met, I haven't really spent any more time with him than I have with you. We're friends, right? You aren't magically jealous because I was conversing with another man, right? Oh this is so odd and frustrating!
And I honestly have never thought of anything like courting or marriage. I always assumed I was a little too... wild for anything like that. Just me and my birds until a ripe old age, a traveling spinster if you would. I was okay with it! Now I don't know what to do! I do enjoy his company, he's very sweet and we generally get along very well. I can't say I've given this nearly as much thought as apparently he has, but frankly it scares me a little, but it's also exciting? Does that make any sense?
We've already sort of apologized in the moment, I was rather... argumentative on the beach, but at least he gave me time to think about it? This is all insanely frustrating.
I'm glad that he's sweet; knowing nothing about him except that he is apparently the type to pick very public fights with young women over overblown nothings was not leaving me inclined to feel very charitably towards your fellow.
I don't think I can explain to you why men get jealous; they just do, and it's very rarely over anything rational. And while we are friends and I won't be driven to fits of jealousy over anything you do, I can tell you that I've certainly experienced my fair share of it in the past.
Traveling around with hoards of birds doesn't necessarily preclude courting or marriage, but depending on what this gentleman wants from life if might preclude courtship or marriage with him. If you decide you want move forward with this, you'll have to take that into consideration--the aim of either is to build a life together, after all. If you're in agreement about what that life entails, you can overcome anything else, but trying to move forward with a relationship at the expense of what you want from life is just a recipe for unhappiness.
In my experience, though, it will always be a little frightening and a little exciting, whether you're making the right choice or not.
You bring up a lot of good points... ones I hadn't thought of! I would be loathe to give up my work, including my travel. I don't stay put very well for very long. It would make sense to, logistically, but I don't know if I could.
Would that be selfish?
This is a mess. How would I even bring that up? Realistically I will admit I'm not opposed to courting or whatever it is exactly that you all do here, but now you've brought up so many new points to think of. How in the name of Merlin's beard do people do this! This is exactly why I've never thought about it!
It would be far more selfish, in my opinion, to try and force yourself to give up things that are important to you. Were he to ask to court you (which he has not, so there is no need to panic over these things just yet) he would be doing so under the assumption that you want the same things out of life, and that pursuing you would be an avenue to getting them. Playing along only to end up dissatisfied and unhappy would be a disservice to yourself and dishonest to him.
I understand that it may be difficult to think of how to talk about such things, but I know from experience that things you don't want to talk about only get harder with time, not easier. When he approaches you with some sort of serious offer would be the time, I think, to have the conversation; in the mean time you can spend all the time you like thinking of how best to say it.
You're right. Of course you're right. That makes sense. That would not be the right way to start off. Obviously we're going to have to discuss this, I just don't know how it's going to go, that's the scary part! I will have to get my proverbial ducks in a row first, before going anywhere. I think I'll have to really think about what I want out of life after this. I honestly had never put much thought into it! Perhaps I'm a little too late to this game after all.
Thank you again for your help, you've been most insightful!
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