Taking a Shit While Shit Is Getting Real

[Cedric Humphrey]

At a boys' bathroom. April 1st.

Ced had just finished taking care of his natural needs when screams from the corridor started reaching the boys’ bathroom. It was hard to figure out what they were for, at first. For all that Ced knew, it could be first years that were chasing each other around the corridor. Or a bunch of douchebags that threw water balloons at people.

But then, the word ‘axe murderer!’ reached his ears. And he didn’t feel scared per se. But he did feel surprised. Confused.

“The hell?” he called out, as he exited the toilet cabin that he had been occupying.

  

[John Humphrey-Mavis]

Jack had been on his way to the bathroom to wash his hands when the ruckus started. Just as he was about to enter the bathroom, some girl ran screaming by and he just started after her with a what the fuck sort of expression on his face.

Shrugging at it, Jack entered the bathroom and proceeded with washing his hands just as Ced came out of the toilet cabin he had apparently been in.

Jack shrugged, he had no clue what was going on. "I don't even know. Something about an axe," he said, since he hadn't been paying much attention to what the girl had actually been screaming about. Or was still screaming about.

  

[Cedric Humphrey]

Someone entered the bathroom, but it was no axe murderer. Or some girl seeking a place to hide. (Which would have been incredibly awkward if it did happen.) Only Jack.

“Thanks, that’s so informative. I would never have guessed,” Ced replied with a light snarky tone, one that he often used around Jack and he knew that his cousin wouldn’t object to. That was all the girl had been raving about.

  

[Oliver Trask]

Oliver had been on his way down to the Great Hall for lunch when the corridor was suddenly plunged into darkness. A stampede of horrified, screaming students filled the hallway, running who knew where, and Oliver was swept into their torrent until he managed to slip into a side corridor which was somehow... not pitch black?

The mass panic over an alleged murder was enough to set him on edge, however. Where were Ced and Zelda and the rest?

He ducked into the bathroom to gather his wits, sighing in relief when he saw Ced and Jack.

"Thank Merlin you two are all right, at least," he said, leaning against the wall to catch his breath. "It's a madhouse out there. Have you seen Zelda or Frank today?"

  

[John Humphrey-Mavis]

"Glad to be of service," Jack quipped. They were as clueless as the other, it seemed like. He was about to say something else when Oliver came into the bathroom. Jack found that highly amusing and by now wouldn't be surprised if any of the others showed up.

"Why wouldn't we be?" Jack asked, wondering what was happening for Oliver to assume that they'd be anything but all right. "Last time I saw Frank was at breakfast." He was so helpful. It couldn't really be helped though perhaps someone else who knew more would come into the loo.

For now, the smart thing seemed to be to stay put, just in case there really was some moron with an axe. Though really, how dangerous could an axe be against three somewhat capable wizards?

  

[Cedric Humphrey]

Soon enough, he and Jack were joined by Oliver. It was amusing, really, that in such a huge castle the three of them would end up in the same bathroom. Without previously agreeing to meet at that particular spot. It was as if their years of friendship had given them a sixth sense of sorts.

“I’m sure they’re both alright,” Ced agreed. Even though Oliver’s words indicated that someone wasn’t alright. Had Oliver actually seen whoever had been murdered?

No, of course he hadn’t. He’d hardly be that composed if he had.

“So did anyone actually die?”

  

[Oliver Trask]

The other two boys seemed perfectly calm, but they hadn't seen the hysteria that had infected the student body. Well, strictly speaking, Oliver hadn't seen it either, which was perhaps even more disturbing.

"I don't know -- I mean, I didn't see anything. But the main corridor down to the Great Hall is completely blacked out, and everyone was screaming about a murderer and running around like chickens with no heads. Someone probably will get hurt, if they don't calm down." He hadn't seen his sister today, either -- where was she?

  

[Zelda Fisk]

Zelda had been seriously considering just heading down to the common room to take a nap when some goliath of a third year shoved her to the side of the pitch-black corridor sent her careening into the nearest boys' bathroom. She collided with Oliver's back as the door swung shut behind her.

Zelda took a step back and leaned against the wall. "Ugh," she said, wrinkling her nose at the boys, "Axe murderers. Or something." Zee doubted it. Hogwarts was a pretty safe place, and also she was generally nonchalant about chaos, but -

"What the hell are those"?

ooc: those are urinals. they existed.

  

[Alfalfa Tinker]

"GUYS GUYS GUYS THERE'S AN AX MURDERER." Alfalfa was very proud of his announcement as he came skidding into the bathroom — and then he glared at Zelda. "What's she doing in here? This is the boy's room."

  

[John Humphrey-Mavis]

Jack hummed under his breath as he considered the information Oliver had provided. Then Zelda came in and Jack wasn't even surprised. Next thing you knew, Alfie'd pop up.

"Urinals. What else would they be?" He commented in answer to the question he thought obvious.

Then Alfie came skidding in and Jack had to laugh slightly. Leaving the question to one of the others or Zelda herself to answer, Jack settled onto the floor. Standing around was getting tiring.

  

[Cedric Humphrey]

Ced was somewhat taken aback when Zelda came into the room, but that still didn’t stop his Protective Friend instincts from kicking in at Alfie’s comment.

“Well you said there’s an axe murdered on the loose, I don’t think anyone looks at the doors’ signs when they’re looking for a place to hide,” Ced replied, his tone easy enough. He didn’t really believe in this whole axe murdered business but if there was actually one in the loose, he’d hardly expect of Zelda to go hide in the ladies’ bathroom instead and potentially get herself killed on the way!

“I do not suppose we should barricade ourselves in here, or something? Unless this axe murderer is a lady with more manners than our Miss Zelda?”

  

[Oliver Trask]

Oliver glanced around, somewhat relived that Alfalfa and Zelda had found their way here unharmed. In less serious circumstances he might have been experiencing horrible second-hand embarrassment at Zelda being in the boys' restroom, but now was hardly the time to dwell on that!

"There's not much to barricade with, is there?" he said, brow furrowed in thought. "Unless we conjure some things..."

  

[Zelda Fisk]

Zelda glowered right back at Alfalfa. "And I'm sure that shouting will do a really good job of keeping the murderer away," she said, voice thick with her usual sarcasm, "What else do you want to do to announce that one, set off fireworks? Start screaming? Maybe we should start a choir!"

She sat down on top of the sink. She still didn't know what a urinal was, but that might be a question for when she wasn't too busy being snarky. She pulled out her wand.

"We're N.E.W.T. students," she said to the boys, (and their stalker, she supposed,) "He has an ax. Four and a half wands win unless you're completely useless."

  

[Alfalfa Tinker]

Ever the picture of maturity, Alfalfa stuck his tongue out at Zelda. "He'll go after you first, because you're a girl."

  

[Cedric Humphrey]

Oliver had a point and so did Zelda. They could conjure up some chairs, or maybe charm the door so it sealed. Maybe cast a protective barrier in the room, so even if the murderer managed to open the door, he'd be unable to touch them, or not see them at all.

Not everyone was as practical as him and Oliver in this situation, though. The child opened his mouth to say something stupid again and this time Ced couldn't help himself.

"Can you just shut it and stop acting like a bloody child, for once?" he snapped at the younger student. He kind of regretted it almost immediately, and yet part of him felt some satisfaction.