Issue #131 - The Great Debut: Part Deux!

[Witch Weekly]

  

[Witch Weekly]

Van Helsings Make An Attempt At Conventionality The Van Helsings are somewhat notoriously a very unconventional family. Since moving to Hogsmeade in 1882, they have made headlines numerous times, often in quite undesirable ways. Of course everyone will remember Miss Artemis Van Helsing's illegitimate offspring, for which she was disowned. Mrs. Imogen MacFusty, nee Van Helsing, caused quite a stir when she eloped with Mr. Malcolm MacFusty in 1884. This is in addition to the fact that most of the Van Helsings have taken up the family occupation of hunting down and killing (some would claim murdering) vampires, including the young women! Given their family history it is perhaps unsurprising that the four non-disowned daughters of Abraham Van Helsing have not fared well in the marriage department. The oldest, Miss Sophronia Van Helsing, sees her twenty-seventh birthday this summer, and seems to have no intention of doing anything other than hunting vampires. Misses Corinne, Roxanne, and Valentine are faring no better. It was quite a surprise for us at Witch Weekly to learn that the latest Hogwarts graduate, Miss Persephone van Helsing, appears to have more respectable plans! Miss Persephone will be enrolled at Mrs. Pendergast's School for Young Roses for a year, then will debut in the 1888 season. Can Mrs. Pendergast's acclaimed finishing school really hope to put much polish on a girl already marred so extensively by her family history, or will Miss Persephone Van Helsing end up bound for spinsterhood, like all of her older sisters seem to be?

Miss Persephone Van Helsing will debut in 1888, following a year of instruction at Mrs. Pendergast's School for Young Roses Miss Sophronia Van Helsing, the oldest Van Helsing daughter, appears bound for spinsterhood.

  

[Witch Weekly]

Discover your destiny!

What Kind of Spinster Will You Be? Question 1: It’s your birthday! How many cards will you receive. A: It’s my birthday? I had forgotten B: None, but I’d rather not be reminded of my age C: 1 or 2, but sent by a secretary on behalf of my siblings, or nieces and nephews. D: Plenty, my social circle is pretty active Question 2 You are visiting Gringotts, how well stocked is your vault? A: Vault? I don’t have enough to bother getting a purse never mind a vault! B: A few Knuts, little more, but I don’t really care for worldly possessions C: I have a small allowance, not enough to get by on my own, but enough to afford my WW subscription D: I don’t know because I’ve never sat down to count, I can’t see the back of the vault – so I guess a lot. Question 3: You are still a debutante, and at a ball! What are you doing? A: Sitting on my own, scowling in a corner B: Sitting quietly with other ladies, indulging in proper conversation C: Dancing, but only with my brother, I wouldn’t be permitted to stand with anyone else. D: I’m the life of the party, but most young men bore me, and I’m such a good storyteller everyone wants to talk to me. Question 4: A young man, of reasonable fortune, and decent family has asked you to marry him at 18, you say no….why? A: I’m already pregnant with another mans child B: I think I can do better, and men freak me out C: My father wouldn’t approve of it, as I am needed at home to look after the younger children. D: There are too many things I want to see and do in this world to settle for being someone’s wife! Question 5: A young man writes to you. How do you respond? A: You don’t he is beneath your notice B: You don’t, it wouldn’t be proper C: You write back but tell him that all correspondence should go through your father D: You write back, all of your correspondence is above board, you are witty and engaging. Mostly A: The saddest case, you will live in a garret, and do washing for your neighbours who will think you are strange and smell funny. You will be found 3 weeks after your death, partially eaten by your cat and owl. Mostly B: You will end up in a muggle nunnery, doomed to spend your life without magic and in almost absolute silence. You will, at least, be buried and have a proper funeral. Mostly C: You will taken in by kindly family members, and live in their home, as little better than a servant, if you are lucky they will pay a modest allowance in exchange for taking care of the children. You will be allowed to sit with the family at Christmas Mostly D: You have siblings who love you dearly, or no siblings and so you will inherit. As such you will become a successful authoress, or other acceptable female profession. Your death will be mourned.

  

[Witch Weekly]

The Great Debut Approaches: Lovely Ladies Joining Society This Season (Part Two)
There are simply too many beautiful ladies set to join society this season for us to have covered them all in our last issue. Make sure to keep an eye out for the following new debutantes at the Hogwarts Coming Out ball, as well! Miss Socellia Morzolla comes from a family of pureblooded Italian transplants, and they seem to be hedging their bets as far as her eventual marriage is concerned; Miss Morzolla already debuted in Italy over the Easter holiday and will also be partaking in the Hogwarts Coming Out as an introduction to English society. Any man interested in her must be rather fearless, for between her family (her oldest brother being an Auror) and her own rather intimidating height (a staggering 5’7”--are the Morzollas truly pureblood, or do they have distant giant ancestory?) there is plenty to scare off a timid suitor--though hopefully her older sister Mrs. Umbria Montanari, who will be handling her society introductions, will prove a less daunting figure for enterprising young gentlemen. Miss Petra Sleptova, the youngest daughter of Hogwarts professor Nikolai Sleptov, will join her older sister, Miss Eva Sleptova, in society this year. Miss Petra Sleptova undoubtedly starts the season at a disadvantage, after her rather public injury in a dueling tournament in 1884 left her with one false eye. Will Miss Eva Sleptova, also rather young and in the midst of preparing for her own wedding, be able to smoothly transition her sister into society? This remains to be seen. Her vision is also reportedly still very much intact (if perhaps impaired), so Miss Petra Sleptova might not be an ideal choice for any particularly ugly men looking to find a wife who won't much mind. Miss Lycoris Dempsey is the youngest Dempsey lady, joining her three older sister under the societal wing of her mother, Mrs. Lowri Dempsey. With none of her sisters yet married (or, from what we can tell, even with very serious prospects), it seems likely that the youngest Miss Dempsey will have to vie for her mother's attentions, particularly if Mrs. Dempsey is invited to any parties with limited guests lists. All the more reason to make her acquaintance at the Hogwarts Coming Out Ball--who knows when you may have occasion to see her again!	Miss Socellia Morzolla, Ravenclaw, comes from a line of Italian exporters. Miss Petra Sleptova, Ravenclaw, has been fitted with a glass eye since her unfortunate accident. Miss Lycoris Dempsey, Gryffindor, will join her mother at their estate in Ireland following the debut.

  

[Witch Weekly]

We really do enjoy receiving your letters here at Witch Weekly

Letters From Our Readers Witch Weekly, While I definitely do not take the content of your articles too seriously, it is truly annoying to see that your writers and editors are completely incapable of fulfilling their duties! In this week's The Great Debut Approaches article, two of the young ladies had their names completely butchered! Miss Annabelle Scrimgeour was listed in two separate places as 'Anabelle' and 'Arabelle' (undoubtedly a result of combining both sister's names), and Miss Ottaline Moody had her name listed as 'Ottiline'. Not only that, but poor Miss Moody had her house listed as Slytherin and Gryffindor in two separate places. I can inform you that she is most definitely a Slytherin. A real writer would surely get the most important details correct. Surely you must have a bunch of amateurs writing and editing your articles each week! Perhaps this would be a good time to replace the incompetent workers with more diligent ones. Miss Miffed Dear Miss Miffed, The spelling of Miss "Scrimgeour's" name is hardly a matter of great importance for a girl raised in a muggle slum amongst the illiterate and uneducated, are we even sure Miss Scrimgeour can spell her own name? Is Miss Scrimgeour really even Miss Scrimgeour? It was really very good of us here at Witch Weekly to include a girl with such dubious beginnings amongst the best and brightest of society's incoming debutantes. I am sure Miss Aidsworth wouldn't mind me doling out some advice on her behalf when I say that nobody likes a know it all, someone who writes in to Witch Weekly with a couple spelling corrections clearly has too much time on their hands and surely spends their days correcting their poor friends' (assuming they have any left) grammar and spelling. Perhaps Miss Miffed ought to take a job as a governess in her apparently abundant free time and make better use of her pedantry. Sincerely, Witch Weekly

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   Odira Potter

[Witch Weekly]