23 February 1885

[Daily Prophet]

FEBRUARY 23RD 1885

MOO-SIAH? IS THIS THE SECOND COMING?

M r and Mrs Bray were left entirely puzzled on Valentine’s day when their cow Buttercup- the only one they keep- gave birth totally unannounced. According to the couple, they don’t keep a bull, nor do any of their neighbours, leading the local priest and village drunk to declare that this is proof of the second coming and that the rapture is innocent. “I personally thought she was just getting rather fat- a bit like the Missus.” Mr Bray commented rather jovially as he put up a sign advertising blessings by the cow and calf, named Daisy, for a knut each. “But now I have to wonder if the wife is pregnant too- but I suppose unlike the cow, she has quite the fondness for cakes.” _____________________________________________________________

Mrs Bray declined to comment but was seen shortly after us leaving hitting her husband with her rolling pin. The Daily Prophet would like to assure readers that this supposed immaculate conception most likely isn’t the marker of the beginning of the end of days and not to panic. It seems rather unlikely a cow would be taking part in any sort of rapture, though we will, of course, be the first to report on any sightings of celestial cities or headless horsemen. And as for Daisy and Buttercup- well, if nothing else, the attention seems to be suiting them. The cardboard crowns Mr Bray made are another matter. AUTHOR: GULLIVER DORAN

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