Still Sane

[Hannah Pettigrew]

Everything I say falls right back
Into everything I'm not
In the swing of things
But what I really mean is
Not in the swing of things yet

@'Valeria Greengrass'
@'Odessa Pettigrew'

Out of all the responsibilities that came with being Thom's wife, Hannah thought that the children was the one she had been least prepared for. Miss O'Fannon took excellent care of them, as far as Hannah could tell, but while the nanny saw to most of their day-to-day needs, Hannah still needed to be a mother to them. She was trying to be just that, but the trouble was she wasn't, not really. Hannah wasn't sure how much Odessa remembered of her birth mother, but she didn't delude herself into thinking she could fully replace the woman. 

She hoped it would be easier, come more naturally, when she had her own child.

Hannah sat in the rocking chair in the nursery, watching Odessa brush the hair of her doll, pensive. Thom knew, now; it was time for her to tell the rest of the household, including his children. Her hand rested on her stomach, her thumb trailing little circles just below her navel.

"Odessa, dear. How would you feel about having another brother?"

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   Ellory Pendergast, Thom Pettigrew

[Odessa Pettigrew]

Odessa had been quite content in the nursery with or without her step-mother present. Her doll had given her enough pleasure out of life for the moment that she had hardly paid attention to the woman in the rocking chair. She had been busy brushing the hair of her doll when she was addressed by her step-mother. Odessa was still painfully aware of the newish presence that Hannah nee Echelon had over the household and Odessa was stuck in a place to be completely blunt and honest or to willfully feign enthusiasm. She opted for the first option.

"No," she said simply. She narrowed her eyes and her doll soon changed to the color green. Her eyes widened and she looked at the other woman. "Change it back!" she cried. "I want things the same!" Odessa stood up and offered the doll to her step-mother. She waved the now fully green doll in front of Hannah more vigorously. "Please!"

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   Thom Pettigrew

[Hannah Pettigrew]

At first Hannah thought the girl was demanding for things with the family to go back to how they'd been before she had joined the household, and a pang of disappointment and resignation echoed through her. She might have suspected that the girl felt that way, but to have it confirmed so bluntly was a blow in and of itself, even if it was from the mouth of a child. But then Odessa thrust the newly green doll in her face, and Hannah realized what she must have meant -- was that her first act of magic? It felt like the sort of thing Hannah should know -- if it was, surely Thom would want to hear about it, but Hannah was having a hard time feeling particularly enthusiastic about the milestone given the conversation she was attempting to have.

"All right, all right," she chuckled, a little nervously. She wasn't at all sure she could change it back; unfocused magic like this was temperamental at best, so who knew if the usual counterspells would work? Hannah took the doll in one hand while she reached for her wand with another.

"What about a sister, instead?" Maybe Thom had been right in that regard, though Hannah wasn't going to hold her breath on that count.

  

[Odessa Pettigrew]

Her temper tantrum was on the verge of exploding into full-on meltdown. Surely Hannah did not sign up for this. There were nannies for this behavior. Odessa didn't even want to socialize with Hannah and yet here here new-mother was here. Odessa didn't even know what to call her because mother was most certainly not it. "No!" she exclaimed, stamping her foot. It hurt and that caused hot tears to well up in her eyes.

Odessa crossed her arms, pouting and looking rather silly. "I want Mama and Alexander and for nothing to have changed." It was true that Alexander was... different... but Odessa, still four, had no idea he had been replaced. She just knew he was not the same. The tears slowly rolled down her face. Odessa hated change. And she hated the possibility of having to share her hippogriff. Odessa hated sharing more than she hated change and she hated that Hannah hadn't fixed her doll. "I want my dollie!"