Incorrect Charming Quotes

[Benedict Sterling]

Yup. Incorrect Quotes Rabbit Hole.

GABB EDITION:
@'Imogen MacFusty'
@'Elsie Beauregard'
@'Elias Grimstone'

Ari: Ben should take some of the credit. Turns out he's not always entirely stupid.
Garrett: Is that a compliment?
Ari: Don't tell him, whatever you do. I'll never hear the end of it.

Ben: Am I right, Garrett?
Garrett: I’m almost certain you’re not, but to be fair, I wasn’t listening.

Baxter: Do you want to be honest or do you want a girlfriend?
Ben: Girlfriend, please.

Garrett, Baxter & Ari: Ben, you look like hell.
Ben: Yeah, I just got back.

Ben: You were right. Again.
Ari: That’s not important.
Bax: How many times does that make that?
Garrett: Who’s counting?
Ari:
Ari: Three to four...hundred.

Garrett: Maxton. He was my dog growing up. You never forget your first.
Ben: Your first what?
Garrett: Pet.
Ben: That is never what people mean by that.

Bax: I’ve got a five-year plan
Ben: Five years. Cool. I’ve got the next 2 ½ hours planned, and then there’s darkness...possibly some dragons...

Bax: Weren’t you frightened
Ben: Frightened? Baxter, you’re talking to a man who’s laughed in the face of death, sneered at doom, and chuckled at catastrophe. I was petrified.

Ben: Would you call me selfish?
Garrett, Ari, Baxter: No, not to your face.

Ben: Sorry, I was being sort of a dick.
Ari: I wasn't going to say it.
Garrett: I was.

Baxter: I can’t believe you left Ben alone!
Garrett: He’ll be fine. He’s the Head Auror
Ari: That’s just what he’s called, doesn’t mean he actually knows what he’s doing!

Ben: I'm really sorry about faking my death and keeping it a secret.
Garrett & Bax: Oh, we can't stay mad at you!
Ari: Yes, we can.

Ben: If anything goes wrong, fake a heart attack.
Baxter: What are we thinking the classic Angina, or something sexier like a Myocardial Infarction?
Garrett: Just drop on the ground and wiggle.

Garrett: Who prints out an itinerary for a night out?
Ari: I'm an organized person!

Ben: Okay so I just had a really great idea-
Baxter: No.

Ben: You guys don’t think I’ll be alone at 50, right?
Garrett, Bax & Ari: Aw, come on. You’re not gonna make it to 50.

Garrett & Baxter to Ari after Leap Year's Disaster of 1886: Where have you been?
Ari: Emotional hell.

*NSFW EDITION*

Ben: Nice hands, Ari.
Ari: Uh, thank you..?
Ben: I bet they'd look even better wrapped around my-
Baxter: BIBLE! WRAPPED AROUND THE BIBLE! PRAISE THE LORD, AMEN.
Garrett & Aurelia: PLEASE REMEMBER YOU'RE IN OUR HOUSE AND WE HAVE CHILDREN NOW.

BENARI EDITION:
@'Ari Fisk'

Ben: [in a patronus message] DRUNK FLYING
Ari: Please message me if you survive
Ben: [later] LAND HO BITCH

Ari: Ben, we need to talk.
Ben: Okay. If this has to do with the rug, though, I just wanted to tell you that I had nothing to do with it.
Ari: What about the rug?
Ben: I’m gonna go now.

Ari: Maybe we’re jumping to conclusions.
Ben: I like jumping to conclusions. Makes me giddy.

Ari: Are you out of your mind!?
Ben: Honestly, maybe. I feel a little dehydrated.

"He’s like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgement."
- Ari Fisk about Ben Sterling

"I think misery doesn’t even think of me as company anymore. I’m an unofficial roommate."
- Ari Fisk

Ben: Am I in trouble?
Ari: Have a guess.
Ben: No?
Ari: Have another guess.

Ari: You know those moments when I tell you something isn't a good idea-
Ben: -and then I ignore you, yeah

Ari: Why is your back all scratched up?
Ben: [Flashbacks to when he got Garrett drunk and they drunk-chased Ben's horses after Ari and Baxter told them not to]
Ben: I'm having an affair.

Ben: Ari, look, I'm melting butter.
Ari: That's great, Ben. You now have the cooking skills of a hot day.

Ari: You kissed me.
Ben: Yes, I did.
Ari: Should we?... I mean, there's a discussion that we could have... if you wanted to have one?
Ben: Ari, I kissed you, with tongue, and I plan to do it again and again - get used to it. End of discussion.
Ari: Okay.

Ari: Oh, no. You're getting an idea, aren't you?
Ben: Yeah.
Ari: Is this idea gonna get me in trouble?
Ben: Maybe.
Ari: Is this idea gonna cause me physical pain?
Ben: Yeah, definitely.

Ben: I wasn’t injured. I was lightly stabbed.
Ari: I’m sorry, you were stabbed?
Ben: Lightly stabbed. I didn’t want to frighten you.

The following 4 users Like Benedict Sterling's post:4 users Like Benedict Sterling's post
   Cassius Lestrange, Elias Grimstone, Elsie Beauregard, Garrett Wallingford

[Imogen MacFusty]

Incorrect Quotes: Immie + Immac (and some Immaclets) Edition!
@'Cassius Lestrange'
@'Elias Grimstone'
@'Elsie Beauregard'
@'Aurelia Wallingford'

Immie: Where's Findlay and Brendan?

Mac: They went out.

Immie: They're grounded.

Mac: ...Are they not supposed to be let out when they're grounded?

[set during one of Immie's pregnancies]

Immie: I keep having this recurring dream that I'm in a restaurant and I have to go to the loo, but I take a wrong turn and walk into the kitchen where an Italian chef is talking and gesticulating and the knife he's holding stabs me and the baby.

Mac: ...

Immie: Y'know, because Italian people talk with their hands.

Mac: Immie, where are you? This place is fancy, and I don't know which fork to kill myself with.

Mac: [knocks on the bedroom door]

Immie: You can't come in!

Mac: Why not?

Immie: Because, uh, Amelia is naked!

Amelia: What?

Immie: Well, I can't tell him I'm naked. He's allowed to see me naked.

Amelia: Why does anyone have to be naked?

Immie: Alright, from now on we're going by code names. I want you to call me "Eagle 1". Shawn, you'll be "Been There, Done That". When we refer to Mac, he'll be "Currently Doing That". Elias, you're "It Happened Once In A Dream". Amelia, you'll be "If I Had to Pick a Girl". And Rue,.. you'll be "Eagle 2".

Rue: Oh, thank Merlin.

Immie: Okay, I want to say something to my girls. Amelia, you're a softie, but inside you're a straight-up boss. Rue, you're the exact opposite. Y'all inspire me, and I love you.

[I sort of have this headcanon that when the twins enter their 3rd/4th year, they're constantly fighting all the time.]

Immie: So, how's school?

Finella: You're the worst!

Findlay: You sicken me!

Immie (clearly used to it): I see.

Findlay: I hope you go bald!

Finella: I hope Pride of Portree places last this year!

Findlay (and majority of the household): YOU TAKE THAT BACK!

Izzie: Okay look, how about you both agree to say 'i'm sorry' on a count of three. One... two... three...

Findlay: ...

Finella: ...

Izzie: See, now I'm just disappointed in the both of you.

Brendan: I have three brothers and three sisters. We steal each other's stuff, sabotage each other's exploding snap games, set each other's clothes on fire... There are no rules.

The following 3 users Like Imogen MacFusty's post:3 users Like Imogen MacFusty's post
   Cassius Lestrange, Elsie Beauregard, Tilda MacFusty

[Cassius Lestrange]

@'Edmund Grimm'

Ed: I didn't realize we were having a competition in poor decision-making skills.
Jon: Well, how else can we explain the last decade?

@'Elsie Beauregard'

Cash: do I look straight?
Angie: Not in the slightest.
Cash: No, I meant my parking.
Angie: Oh, in that case, yes it's fine.

Lucinda: Hey, what are you doing this weekend?
Ruth: Having my day ruined with whatever you're about to ask me to do.

The following 5 users Like Cassius Lestrange's post:5 users Like Cassius Lestrange's post
   Edmund Grimm, Elsie Beauregard, Imogen MacFusty, Ophelia Dippet, Tilda MacFusty

[Howell Merrick]

Howell: A real friend is someone who has a picture of you that might ruin your future and reputation.

The following 1 user Likes Howell Merrick's post:1 user Likes Howell Merrick's post
   Cassius Lestrange

[Cassius Lestrange]

@'Leander Grantham'

Killian: Do you want me to talk to your mother?
Emma: I don't even want you to talk to me.

@'Ellory Pendergast' @'Tiberius Lestrange'

Ellory: You guys will never believe what I just found on Tiberius' facebook!
Cash: A friend?

The following 3 users Like Cassius Lestrange's post:3 users Like Cassius Lestrange's post
   Ellory Pendergast, Leander Grantham, Thom Pettigrew

[Tristan Michaud]

Howell: A relationship with someone would be nice but I'm already in a relationship with alcohol and bad decisions.

The following 1 user Likes Tristan Michaud's post:1 user Likes Tristan Michaud's post
   Thom Pettigrew

[Hadley Sinclair]

-Sephey deeply into completing notes after coming out of Transfiguration-
Hadley: Stop!
-Sephey stops-
Hadley: Look.
-Sephey looks. There's a trash can in front of her that she was inches away from running into-
Sephey: I don't remember that being there yesterday...
Hadley: Yesterday you came from the other way, so you missed the bin but almost took out that group of first years.

@'Persephone Van Helsing'

The following 2 users Like Hadley Sinclair's post:2 users Like Hadley Sinclair's post
   Cassius Lestrange, Imogen MacFusty

[Imogen MacFusty]

In my procrastination...

Cora: You're not programmed to feel joy.
Sephey: Yes, but my software is due for an exuberance upgrade soon.
Cora: You know, when you play along with the robot jokes it kind of ruins my enjoyment of them.
Sephey: -smirks- Yes, I know.

@'Terpsichore Van Helsing'

Mac: Honey, it's really muggy out today.
Immie: If I go outside and all of our mugs are on the front lawn, you're sleeping on the couch tonight.
Mac: -sips coffee from a bowl-

@'Cassius Lestrange'

Aurelia: You're late.
Garrett: -in his most charming voice, carrying a large bouquet of flowers- You're stunning.
Aurelia: You're forgiven.

@'Tilda MacFusty'

Annnd because an incorrect quotes post isn't complete without some GABB...

*set during school*
Ari: Are you going to class today, Ben?
Ben: I- I don't know if I'm emotionally ready.
Ari: For Merlin's sake - it's just a haircut!
Ben: Just a haircut! JUST A HAIRCUT?! Those strands were my friends!
Bax: Aren't we your friends?
Garrett: We don't help him land girls, Bax.
Ben: WALLINGFORD GETS IT!

@'Elsie Beauregard' @'Elias Grimstone'

The following 5 users Like Imogen MacFusty's post:5 users Like Imogen MacFusty's post
   Cassius Lestrange, Elias Grimstone, Elsie Beauregard, Ophelia Dippet, Tilda MacFusty

[Cassius Lestrange]

@'Elsie Beauregard'

Angie: Cash, you look anxious.
Cash: It's the anxiety.

@'Thom Pettigrew'

Thom: I didn't drink that much last night.
August: You were flirting with Hannah.
Thom: So what, she's my wife.
August: You asked if she was single and cried when she said she wasn't.

@'John Humphrey-Mavis'

Jack: Look, Zelda, you have to treat a broom like you treat a woman.
Zelda: *raises eyebrow* Go on.
Jack: ...No. I sense I made a mistake of some kind.

The following 6 users Like Cassius Lestrange's post:6 users Like Cassius Lestrange's post
   Elsie Beauregard, Hannah Pettigrew, Thom Pettigrew, Tilda MacFusty, Tristan Michaud, Valeria Greengrass

[Imogen MacFusty]

Cora: Remember that time you dared me to lick a swing set?
Sephey: I didn't dare you to lick the swing set. Val and I said "don't lick the swing set" and you said "don't tell me what to do", and licked the swing set.

@'Terpsichore Van Helsing'

[when you've become domesticated with kids, and sorely out of practice partying after ball crawl]

Immie: Oh my Merlin, I'm so hungover. I can't remember the last time I was ever this hungover.
Mac: I feel great! I ran a 5k this morning!
Immie: Really?
Mac: No, I threw up in the shower.

@'Cassius Lestrange'

The following 2 users Like Imogen MacFusty's post:2 users Like Imogen MacFusty's post
   Cassius Lestrange, Tilda MacFusty

[Emma Macmillan]

I don't even go here but...

Ari: Ben is missing! He’s out there somewhere. Lost. Scared. So, so handsome. We’ve got to find him and bring him home!

@'Ari Fisk' @'Benedict Sterling'

Richardson any time he's on an auror trip with @'Javert de Montfault' and women are involved:

Richardson: Ugh.
Straight people.

Cash to @'Belphoebe Lestrange'

My father may have raised emotionally vacant children with anxiety and/or sociopathic tendencies, but he didn't raise quitters.

The following 6 users Like Emma Macmillan's post:6 users Like Emma Macmillan's post
   Apollodora Vablatsky, Benedict Sterling, Elias Grimstone, Ellory Pendergast, Ian Longstaff, Magnus Lockhart

[Lucinda Cavanaugh]

Lucinda, meeting Lock and Noah:
Listen. Ruth is the best person I know, so if either of you mess with her, I will come here and crazy murder you.

@'Magnus Lockhart' @'Noah Hatchitt' @'Ruth Lockhart'

The following 2 users Like Lucinda Cavanaugh's post:2 users Like Lucinda Cavanaugh's post
   Magnus Lockhart, Noah Hatchitt

[Cassius Lestrange]

August: It is 'whom' when it's the object of the sentence, and 'who' when it is the subject.
Leon: How did Thom use it, as an object?
Thom: As an object.
Ursula: Thom used me as an object.

@'Thom Pettigrew' @'Leon Lupin' @'Ursula Black'

The following 2 users Like Cassius Lestrange's post:2 users Like Cassius Lestrange's post
   Magnus Lockhart, Ursula Black

[Cassius Lestrange]

Leon: August is hooking up with the wrong kind of girl.
August: Clearly I'm hooking up with the right kind of girl, seeing as they don't 'lightly choke' me.
Leon: See, August is a meat and potatoes kind of guy. Thom and I, we're sushi -
Thom: Don't drag me into this.

@'Leon Lupin' @'Thom Pettigrew'

The following 2 users Like Cassius Lestrange's post:2 users Like Cassius Lestrange's post
   Magnus Lockhart, Ursula Black

[Arthur Pettigrew]

Art: This is why I got rid of my cell phone.
Fitz: You were denied a cell phone because you have the credit score of a homeless ghost.
Art: It doesn't matter how I got here.
Fitz: You weigh more than your credit score.

@'Fitzroy Prewett'

The following 2 users Like Arthur Pettigrew's post:2 users Like Arthur Pettigrew's post
   Lupus Jameshill, Odessa Pettigrew

[Imogen MacFusty]

@'Cassius Lestrange'
[fondly watching Mac do something silly from afar]

Immie : Do you ever look at your best friend and just, "Who the heck blessed me with this dork, I am the luckiest loser in the galaxy!"

@'Tilda MacFusty'

Aurelia: You don't think I can fight because I'm a girl.
Garrett: No, I don't think you can fight because you're wearing a ball gown. For what it's worth, I don't think Ben could fight in that dress either.
Ben: Perhaps not, but I would make a radiant socialite.

The following 1 user Likes Imogen MacFusty's post:1 user Likes Imogen MacFusty's post
   Tilda MacFusty