You've Exceeded the Human Capacity for Fucking Up

[Florizel Collins-Potter]

@Hannah Echelon
@Perpetua Collins-Potter
(if you live in the C-P house, feel free to pop in!)
7/31

Flory had forgotten that today was O.W.L. results day. Since it was summer and he'd long-since forgotten what day of the week it was - at least it was still July! - this was not particularly surprising. Still, if he knew that the letter was coming, he probably would have tried to prepare for it.

Feeling exceedingly self-conscious, and very aware that his mother was watching him, Flory pried open the envelope. He scanned the grades. His face went from a tiny frown to entirely blank as the test scores sunk into his brain.

"Um," he said, looking up, meeting his mother's eyes, "UM."

  

[Perpetua Collins-Potter]

Well, here it was. Perpetua had always known that Florizel was not the brightest of children -- and now that Cressida had graduated and was no longer present to help him muddle through, she knew not to expect great O.W.L. results out of her son.

The panicked look in his eyes, though, boded ill for the both of them, and Perpetua took a steeling breath that she hoped wasn't noticeable.

"They can't be all that terrible, dear," she said, gesturing for him to sit beside her on the couch. They could be, of course, but that wouldn't be at all helpful to vocalize. "Come now, let's have a look."

  

[Florizel Collins-Potter]

Preemptively grimacing, hands white with his grip on the grades, Flory walked over to his mother and sat down on the couch next to her. With visible reluctance, he handed the slip of paper over, jaw clenched, prepared to have to change his name and move to Australia.

  

[Perpetua Collins-Potter]

Florizel's expression did nothing to reassure Perpetua as he took his seat on the couch next to her. After wresting the slip of parchment from her son's grasp, she peered down at them with some small amount of apprehension.

That small amount of apprehension quickly grew into a veritable waterfall of mortification.

It was several seconds before Perpetua addressed her youngest son.

"Florizel," she sighed irritably, her eyes still fixed on the treacherous piece of parchment. Outright anger was hardly a solution, here. It wasn't as though this was wholly unexpected, and berating him over his grades was hardly going to raise them, but could he not have picked more useful subjects to pass? "And... what's the minimum number of NEWT courses, again?"

  

[Florizel Collins-Potter]

He was doomed. He was completely, utterly doomed. Flory tried to will himself to be swallowed by the earth while he waited for his mother to speak to him, but unfortunately no such mercy struck. Instead he settled for trying to make himself seem very small.

"Three," he answered, reluctantly, not making eye contact.

  

[Perpetua Collins-Potter]

Well, he had at least managed three -- but it hardly seemed worth it to send him back for two more years to earn just three NEWTs... Not when he would probably just fail them anyway.

"Ghoul Studies, Florizel? What on earth do you even do with Ghoul Studies?!" Perpetua sighed again, tossing the offending letter onto the coffee table before them in frustration.

  

[Florizel Collins-Potter]

"I think that Professor Keene hung out with vampires for a while?" Flory said in his most helpful tone. "And uh, ghost stuff. You do ghost stuff." He had never really considered career opportunities (or, well, his lack thereof) before.

  

[Perpetua Collins-Potter]

Perpetua stared blankly at her son. Was it possible to be more useless than Huxley? Perhaps Flory didn't deserve quite that much slander, but he was certainly in the running for the Most Useless Living Collins-Potter Award. There was a Spirit Division somewhere in the Ministry, she supposed, but she could hardly imagine Florizel thriving there -- or even functioning, really.

Merlin.

"You're not much of a researcher, Florizel," Perpetua said bluntly. "If you're not returning to school, you have to work, and I'm not sure three NEWTs would be worth the trouble."

  

[Florizel Collins-Potter]

Oh.

Well.

Uh.

He didn't know what to do with that. She was right, though. His mother was always right.

"I'm never going to have a job," he said.

  

[Perpetua Collins-Potter]

"You'll have to." Perpetua did not like having to be harsh on her children, but frankly if they weren't all so useless she wouldn't have to be. "While there aren't as many options as if you'd gotten your NEWTs, there are options -- perhaps if you're very lucky, one of the professional Quidditch teams might take you, even. Figure it out."

  

[Florizel Collins-Potter]

Whining did not get anyone anywhere with Perpetua Collins-Potter, but Florizel couldn't resist. "But I don't know how," he whined, pouting at her. Couldn't she help - didn't they have familial connections, somewhere?