now are thoughts thou shalt not banish

[Kelsey Gallagher]

His nightmare had been the burden of his life – he had tried his best in order to sleep and yet, the man couldn’t help but to stare up at the ceiling, his mind running a thousand miles an hour. He wished that he could escape his nightmares and yet the man couldn’t. He could see his brother within them, the one brother who had perished from these lands about a year ago. It was not something that he wished for and yet, he had to deal with it. Forcing himself up and out of bed, he made his way towards his closet, pulling out clothes and throwing them upon the bed. His mind was buzzing when he turned his had away, looking at his clothes. Smiling lightly to himself, he grabbed his clothes and got dressed before reaching for his jacket. He threw that on as well, followed by his socks and boots. There were things that needed to be done today and he would have to do it. After reaching for his scarf and gloves, bundling himself up before making it down the stairs. His eyes looked about the room, as though expecting to see someone standing there, watching him. There was no one there and therefore, he continued onwards, towards the front door. After reaching for it, he grabbed it lightly and pulled it open, his eyes greeted by a heavy snowfall. He didn’t care – it was something that he couldn’t care about. He had business to do. And with that thought within his head, he had something to do. So without a second thought, he made his way outside and onto the streets, allowing his form to disappear into the heavy snowfall and headed towards the place that he needed to visit. It had been awhile since he had visited him.

He needed to visit his brother.

Once he reached the cemetery, he took a quick look around, ensuring that no one was following him. He had heard rumors about this place at night, had heard the rumors of the howls and those who were driven mad. Kelsey didn’t believe any of them, which is why he continued onwards, trudging through the snow while his eyes looked for the familiar gravestone. It had to have been here somewhere – he knew this place within his mind. After walking a few distances, he stopped, his eyes landing upon the stone. With a deep inhale, followed by the steamy exhale, his eyes just stared at the grave before him. Making his way towards it, his movements slow and steady, he reached a gloved hand up towards the stone. With a gentle motion, he rubbed off the snow that clung to it, revealing the familiar name that had haunted his dream. Sidney Gallagher. “Hello Brother. It had been a while..” The words were etched with ice, his eyes just staring at the stone before him. He had things that he had to do – things that he man had to show him. There things that he needed and say and tonight, he was going to say it. He would let him know. “I bet you are wondering why I am here, talking to a figure who is.. no longer with us. Often, I wonder the same thing and yet, you have called to me. I don’t know the reasoning for it but you have decided to capture my attention in my periods of rest, haunting my dreams with your damn image. Now what do you want? What foolish nonsense do you wish from you? You have my attention, now let me know what the hell you want from me..”

If anyone was watching, he knew that it was a foolish attempt, knowing that that person would probably have thought of him as mad and crazed. He didn’t care, he was here for a reason and that was because of his brother. Yet, even though he was expecting some sort of respond, there was nothing at all, nothing but the howling of the wind. He had felt foolish, standing there speaking to the gravestone, trying his best in order to gather someone’s attention and yet, along with that he could feel his anger rising. Raising his hands upwards, he slammed a fist upon the stone itself, feeling the sudden pain that lingered throughout his hands. His breathing was heavy as he held onto it, trying his best in order to control everything that was occurring within him. There were so many emotions and yet, one seemed to overcome him more than anything else. Without a word, the man took both of his hands and rested it up against the stone, his eyes closing lightly while his head was bowed down, trying his best to think of things to do. He could feel the snowflakes clinging to his body, collecting on him as he blocked the stone of his brother. Kelsey could have cared less, for there was no reason not to think of. So many thoughts were lingering within his mind, especially with everything that had been happening. One of them including the people in his life. There were so many, so many people that he had pushed away from him and forced them away and yet, he didn’t know the reasoning for it. He had pushed each of those people away when each of them had tried to help him out and yet, he had no reasoning for it.

Why did he have to do it?

[Lenore Van Tassel]

Once a month. That was how often she visited the graveyard. It was always the same trip - apparating in the dead of night, when no one would be around. She would bring flowers, of course. And then she would walk. She had no loved ones there, not really. Perhaps some long forgotten relatives, but no particular soul she visited. That wasn't what these trips were about. Not her own pain. These trips were for everyone else. All the lives that current medical discoveries weren't able to preserve. All the mothers, father, and children that had been lost to one disease or another. She came to pay her respects to the people that she lived for, that she lived to help. Perhaps it was a silly tradition, but it was one she refused to let die. And every night she would pick a grave and sit by it for awhile, sometimes talking, sometimes not.

This time, however, she had company. perplexed, she watched a man kneel down by a gravestone. Who came out at this time of night? Besides herself, of course. But she knew. The second he spoke, she knew who it was. And his sudden dismissal of her the other day was explained. This was who she had unwittingly asked after. His brother. Her heart broke for him.

She let him have a moment, waiting for him to stop talking before approaching him slowly, not wanting to startle him. She lowered the hood of her cloak so that he would be able to recognize her.

"I'm sorry for your loss," she stated quietly. "Truly."

  

[Kelsey Gallagher]

There was someone approaching him – he didn’t know who but the man could hear the crunching of the snow. As curious as to who it was, he himself had decided not to turn his attention away to look at her. The figure didn’t need to know who he was at the moment, who the man was protecting the grave of his brother. If the person wanted to make an argument with him, then he would certainly fight for it but as of now, it was not something to be worried about. Instead, he just listened to the crunching of the snow underneath the figure as they moved closer and closer. There was this fear and questioning that lingered within his heart, the man ready in order to fight back if he had to, to deal with the person that was there and yet, it was only then that he heard the words of a familiar voice – the words of a woman who seemed to have been curious. She apologized for his loss, for the loss of the brother that happened what felt with ages before. His mind was at a lost. How he wished that he could have said something to her, to let her know about the conditions that he had faced. He didn’t need her here and yet, he remained still, the man covered in snow thanks to the blockade that he had made with his body. No words were spoken to her, his attention just listening to everything that was happening at the moment. He wished that he could have said something and yet, the man know what else there was that could have been said. Perhaps that was the reason why he didn’t even dare to look at her. He didn’t need for her to see his face for she knew who he was. And that was something that he couldn’t control.

Lenore knew his better than what he would have wanted.

With a heaving sigh, followed by a chilled cough, he forced his eyes open. His vision was slightly blurred from the small amount of tears that had lingered there. Yet, he ignored them, speaking to the woman who had come here and had decided to interfere with his visit. “Why is it, Lenore, that we always find ourselves bumping into each other? It seems as though there is someone who wished to see us together.” The words were soft, his eyes never turning to look at her and admire her figure. He was here in order to see how much he could toss at her. Apparently, it must have been something for the woman had proven it to him. Without knowing if he should of not, he forced himself up upon his feet, his figure somewhat wobbly after kneeling for so long. As though to help him up, he held onto the gravestone, not wanting to leave it. As for the snow, it continued to cling to him, causing a visible chill to escape him. His body was shaking from the cold, from the period that he had been out here and yet he ignored it. He had his reasoning to be here – a reasoning just like the woman herself. Yet he pondered her reasoning, as though questioning what the true motives of her actions were. He wished that he could have figured out her own reasoning but the man did not. Instead, he turned himself to look at her, his eyes landing upon her face. It was the same imagine which had haunted him at times, being in that hospital and watching the woman with the most mild of interests. She had captured his attention and tonight, the two of them were along, amongst the graves of those who had perished before their time.

“You look warm – comfortable, that is..” The words had escaped him, trying his best to brush off the fact that the woman had heard it all, had heard his pleading and angered whispers. He had tried his best in order to find something else to talk to her about and yet, the only thing that the man could think about was her cloak. And that was something that he didn’t know if he should have or not. Shifting his weight, he crossed his arms before his chest, his eyes just watching her curiously, pondering what she thought about this whole situation. Kelsey looked tired and worn, his hair was within a jumbled mess on top of his head and yet here, standing right before him was the woman who he had grown fond of, dressed rather well for a stroll in the cemetery. “And tell me this, do you always dress like that when you go to a cemetery? Perhaps it appeases the dead.” He was trying to make a joke, trying to avoid the conversation being brought up about his brother but it was a failure. His tones were dead in comparison to most, his eyes never wavering off the attractive woman. She was his company tonight – none of the dead would ease his soul. “I will admit though, it is rather cold outside. If I would have known, I would have avoided coming out or would have at least dressed a bit warmer. Apparently, I should pay attention more.” He felt clammy in his opinion but it was not something that he would address to her. Knowing how Lenore was, she would coo over him, treating him like a mother would a child and ensuring that he was of good health. It was a strange idea but a rather appealing one. Perhaps, for once in his life, the man wished to have someone to care for him and in return, care for her?

No, that couldn’t be the case!

[Lenore Van Tassel]

Yes, they did seem to bump into each other rather often of late - not that she was complaining. And she never planned on it. It just... happened. Wherever she went, it seemed he would inevitably be. If she were him, she might wonder if she was a stalker. An avid fan, perhaps? She cringed at the thought. She was a fan, surely, but not of the crazy variety. She simply went about her business. Was her fault that that business would invariably lead her to him?

When he asked after her dress, she raised an eyebrow. What exactly was she supposed to be wearing? Rags? She was simply dressed in her everyday clothes - a switch from her Healer's robes, perhaps, but nothing too outlandish. She was certain every other lady in the city donned something similar when they were out of home. Save for the upper class, perhaps. They may have a few more bells and whistles to accompany their costuming.

"I always dress properly no matter my destination," she stated. "And I expect the dead do not care one way or the other."

She considered him for a moment before stepping over to the grave he was still standing beside and laying down her bouquet in front of the headstone. Straightening herself once more, she stepped a proper distance away from him and smiled wryly.

"Did you expect it to be warm in the middle of the night, in the heart of winter?" she mused. "If you don't start taking better care of yourself, you'll end up in the ground much sooner than Quidditch will have put you there. Perhaps you should retire for the night. And avoid making my job more difficult than it needs to be."

She was mothering him again. She couldn't help it. The man refused to take care of himself! It was almost as if he wanted to die. Or at least to be miserable.

  

[Kelsey Gallagher]

There were things that the man wished to say to her, thinks that he couldn’t help but to admire. The woman, as much as she didn’t want to admit it, was someone who had captures his attention. He wanted to smile and allow himself to admire her a bit longer and yet, he knew better than that. The woman would have wished to say that she was dressing up for a proper reasoning as yet, it was something that he couldn’t help but to do. The man just needed to stop being confused with her and the other woman he had known. With her words, he couldn’t help but to blink, that confusion forming upon his face. There were so many things that he wished that he could have said to her – so many things that he man wished that he could have said. Instead, the man couldn’t help but to take in a deep breath, allowing a quiver escaping his body. “I guess I never would have thought that you would have worn anything other than your work robes. Excuse me for my belief.” The words escaped him quietly, his eyes watching her as he have her a small yet pleasant bow of his head. Oh but there was one more thing – one thing that he really couldn’t have helped at all. “I do admit that you look lovely however, I am just not used to seeing you like. Maybe I would have thought that you would be walking around in robes and.. Well now, this is embarrassing.” The words were softly spoken as he turned his attention away from her, his eyes looking over the other headstones as his mind was wandering, trying to figure out what could have been said. There were plenty of things though, at the moment, he just didn’t know what to do.

This had just gotten interesting for him.

When he heard movement happening at his side, he turned his head to look at her, his eyes watching as the woman had placed the flowers at his brother’s grave. It was painful for him, considering the fact that there was things that he wanted to say to her. His mind was roaming, his attention lingering on the fact that, deep within his chest, there was pain that would never move away from him. He had lost his brother and as much as they were not close, it didn’t mean that he didn’t love him. That was far from the truth. Blinking slowly, he smiled at the woman, that soft and gentle smile, his eyes looking at her as he tried his best to figure out what could be said. “I need to thank you, for you have been so kind to me. If it wasn’t for you, I really wouldn’t know what to do.” His mind was so complicated, especially with the situation at hand. He was outside within the cold and yet, the woman had seen him. She had seem how cold the man had gotten whenever it came to her. It was strange that she had warmed up within his heart, something that he couldn’t help at all. The man wanted to control his emotions and yet, he was getting worse and worse at it. Kelsey was becoming one of those men who seemed to have been unable to control his emotions as of late. Each of them were complicated. It seemed as though ti was full of randomness as well as the way that his emotions from her. There were so many things that he could have said to her and yet, the man had known better than to allow those words to be said. Kelsey had decided to stand there in silence, his eyes looking at her as he tried his best to figure out what could have been said.

When the woman had mentioned something about the fact that he was cold, he couldn’t help but to allow a smile to form upon his lips. His mouth had opened, trying his best to figure out what could be said. There were so many things and yet, he had decided in order to allow a chuckle to escape his lips. His eyes admired her beautiful face, his mind trying to figure out what could be said. The words that he did mention was something which he could have related to everyone that he had seen. “We all must die, sometimes before our age.” He offered her a small smile and coughed into his hand, trying his best to avoid the oncoming illness that was affecting him. Kelsey wasn’t ill at the moment but instead, he just spoke calmly. “This cold might be brutal however, I rather enjoy the weather. As for me getting ill, if I do, then I will become ill. It is not something that can be helped. Illness is something that everyone gets and cannot be helped at times..” He shrugged his shoulders for a second but instead, he had decided to turn her questions back upon her. The man wanted to ensure that she was fine. “The same could be said for you. You worry about my health but without you being, the hospital will be down one healer and you can imagine what might happen.” He couldn’t help but to allow a small chuckle to escape his lips, his eyes looking at her as he tried his best to figure out what else could have been said. He wanted to ensure that the woman was happy but again, she was her own person. There were many who could have argued with that fact but again, it was something that the man considered to be important.

He wanted to ensure that she was as healthy and happy as could be.

[Lenore Van Tassel]

Was that... a compliment? He paid her a compliment. An actual compliment. She was stunned, but incredibly pleased. So pleased that her cheeks flushed a little, making her complexion slightly rosier. He wouldn't have seen this, however, because he turned away just after he said she was lovely, his eyes scanning the gravestone nearby. Her expression softened. Here he had been, mourning his brother's loss, and she was standing there like a fool, preening under his compliments. He must be in so much pain... No wonder he didn't mind the thought of dying, if only it could bring closer to his loved one.

And there he went again, talking of how death was unimportant, that it happened to them and who cared when? She did. She cared. What he said was far from the truth - about no one being able to help growing ill. There were ways to prevent it in most cases. Like wearing a blasted cloak when it was snowing outside. That helped. Washing your hands. Staying well-nourished. Taking care of your body was a great way to ensure it would take care of you. He was just being silly.

And when he fussed over her, she almost laughed. She was healthy as a hippogryph. And wearing a cloak. And she didn't play a sport that threatened her life on an almost daily basis. Unlike him, she did her best to remain in good health.

"You may not always be able to avoid getting ill, but you can certainly avoid helping illness along," she stated. "By wearing the proper winter apparel, for one thing. You really should get out of the cold, Mist - Kelsey."

She had almost referred to him by his surname before she remembered he didn't appreciate it. It was habit, though, and it would take a little bit to break herself of it.

"Why don't you walk me home?" she asked, thinking it would be the best way to convince him to leave - societal duty. Surely a gentleman wouldn't want a lady walking the streets so late unaccompanied?

  

[Kelsey Gallagher]

She was concerned for him. It was something that the man couldn’t help but to wonder about. There were plenty of times that the woman had seemed to hate him, muttering things about him which he didn’t know the reasoning why. Today however, it was completely different for as the man stood there, just watching her, he couldn’t help but to smile. She was showing empathy for him, something which caused him to question her abilities in order to keep a straight face. The woman was trying her best in order to force some logic within his brain - not that he didn’t have any – and ensure that everything would be alright. It was something that he had wondered about her and yet, he kept his silence in check. He knew that I was best not to mutter a word to the woman and to allow her to actually do what she wanted. If there were words that needed to be spoke then certainly, he would allow them to occur. As of now however, he had kept quiet. As the wind had blown, sending its chill, the man ignored it completely, not allowing himself to give into the instincts to shiver. Kelsey was not here in order to prove the woman wrong, to ensure that she would get the satisfaction. Instead, he just allowed for the silence to linger about him, his eyes admiring the woman as she worked. He knew better than to argue with her, it was not the way that he was. Instead, he had known that it was best – at least within his perspective – that he had kept his mouth shut and decided not to say anything at all. It was the best thing that he could do at the moment without insulting anyone and for him, that was a big accomplishment, at least for him.

He thought that it was an accomplishment.

She had wanted him to go, wanted him to leave his brother behind but yet, that was something that the man couldn’t do. Unfortunately, he had felt as though he needed to see him, as though the man had been waiting for his brother to appear once more, alive and well. It was something that he had hoped for and yet, he was certain that it wouldn’t be the case. The man wanted so much in order to smile at his brother, to see him once again and to hear his voice. He might not have been close to him, but that didn’t mean anything at all. It only meant that he had dreams, just like the rest. Of course, it had become apparent that the woman also had dreams as well. When he had heard her words, he couldn’t help but to close his eyes, to think about the situation that she had thrown at his feet. “Why do you think of me as a weak man? I have grown so used to the things that have happened within my life, making it difficult in order to hurt me. You think of me as a figure who does not know what he is doing but I shall assure you, I am of good health. Do not worry about me, Lenore..” That was something in which he knew that he shouldn’t have done to her and yet, she had something up her sleeve. Before he could actually say something else, she had spoken to him once more, this time giving him an option in which he wouldn’t be allowed to turn down, due to the properness of his nature. She wanted him to walk her home. It might have been an excuse to get him out of the chill that the wind had created however, it seemed to have worked. The man could not deny the fact that whenever a lady needed help and guidance, he would be there.

With a sigh escaping his lips, that annoyed look forming upon his face, he allowed his eyes to look at her, showing her how he felt about the situation. It was only then in which he offered his arm, eyes still watching her carefully. “I am surprised that you wish for me to walk you home when you have just came here and.. laid flowers on my brother’s grave. You are, to say it polite, a strange woman.” He shrugged his shoulders lightly, unknown as to why he should have been telling her this. There were plenty of things in which he could have said and yet, he knew better than to argue with her. For him, it was best just to work hard and to gain one’s attention. She had his attention and he couldn’t pull it away – not now nor ever. He had to ensure that the woman had gotten home safe from any danger that might be out there. With the news that had spread wildly about, he didn’t know what more could be thought up. Instead, he had decided to actually listen to her. “You are going to have to direct me where you live. That way, I can get you home safely.” It was only then in which he had begun to walk, not saying a word at all to the woman. There was this strange moment in which he didn’t know what to say, something in which the man couldn’t help but to question. Maybe he should have just stayed at home and not gone out in the cold. No there was a reasoning for it and it have become apparent that right now, he did have a reasoning for everything. This woman, delicate and alluring as she was, seemed to have known how to drag him away from any spots that may have been difficult for him. He admired her for it.

It proved she had brains.

[Lenore Van Tassel]

She nearly rolled her eyes at him - men and their pride. She hadn't been calling him weak at all. On the contrary, she found him rather... masculine. But that didn't mean she couldn't worry after his health. She was a Healer, after all. It was in her nature to mother people. Even big, strong quidditch players.

She watched his expression and saw the annoyance in it when she asked him to walk her home. Clearly he did not want to leave. She knew he wouldn't. But if he stayed out here much longer, he was liable to catch something and she didn't want to add that to the list of things she needed to treat him for. Not that she would mind seeing him some more, but she didn't want him to be ill to do it.

He eventually did offer his arm, however, and she took it, her lips twitching with a bemused smile. He was such a funny man. Not ha-ha funny, but strange. And he seemed to think the same of her, she found with his next words.

"I don't think it very strange to place flowers upon a grave," she stated as she began leading them back in the direction she had come. "Everyone is someone's loved one and they all deserve to be remembered. All these lives that were lost... They were people once, too. Which is why I come here once a month - sometimes more - to visit them. To remind myself why I'm a Healer. That isn't so strange, is it? No more strange, I think, than talking to a headstone."

  

[Kelsey Gallagher]

He didn’t know why he had fallen for the woman’s sweet and admirable words. Perhaps it was the way that she spoke to him, with that small amount of compassion lingering upon her lips. Maybe, it was the way that she had decided to look at him, granting him with those pretty eyes and lovely smile. She knew what was she was doing, knew how to grab the man and tug at the heartstrings that lingered within his chest. He wanted so much more to listen to her, to speak to her the words that he was feeling deep inside of his heart. Kelsey himself was struggling, was trying his best in order to control his manners and make sure that his mind and heart were on track. Yet it was hard with the woman before him, the one who was able to capture his mind and take it away from him. He didn’t know how he should have reacted to such a figure as her, which was the reason why the man had decided to do something for her. She wanted to be taken home, that was find by him. The man wouldn’t mind leading the woman home and figuring out things which could have been done. There was a lot and yet, Kelsey couldn’t help but to be proper. With the darkness that had surrounded them, he thought that it would have been best in order to take the woman home. He didn’t need anyone attacking her – did not need anyone who wanted to harm her to go after her. It was something that he couldn’t stand for the man had grown protective over her. What was the reasoning for this? How could he have become so carefully involved with the woman next to him? There must have been something which had captured his attention.

Something about her had made her desirable to him.

“I cannot believe I am doing this for you. There could be others who would be willing to bring you home and yet, here I am, brining you home. Tell me, what sort of fool am I? What sort of fool am I to follow your lead and listen to everything that you have to say? You should be lucky that your words are something that I admire, otherwise I will not be too keen on taking you home.”A sigh escaped him, not knowing how much emotion he should have thrown at her, knowing that it was something that he couldn’t help but to do. She knew how to touch his heart and what made it even worse was the next words that she had said. Lenore had mentioned something that he never thought someone would have before. She spoke to him about the flowers, about how everyone deserved to be remember. It caused him to blink slowly, to stop whatever walking they were doing and to close his eyes. His mind was trying to control the emotions that were lingering within his body. His brother was gone and therefore, the man couldn’t help but to figure it all out. It was a moment which really struck him and yet, the woman had brought it all out on him. He wanted to be alone and yet, had decided to be close to the woman. Kelsey did not know that while his eyes were closed that he moved his arm closer towards his own body. His breathing has also become shallow, as though trying his best to control himself. He wanted to stop everything from happening and yet, he would have to deal with it. Once he did end up controlling himself, he opened his eyes, allowing his eyes to look at her. “You didn’t have to lay flowers on his grave.”

At the comment about talking to a headstone, he snorted and sent a glare within her direction, not really wanting to hear something like this. He knew better than to actually say something to her. The man wanted to be polite and therefore, he would bring her home. Starting to walk once more, he kept himself silent, allowing his eyes to look over the surrounding area. The snow was still coming down, blowing around, causing the chill within the air to increase. He wished that he could actually keep the woman warm and yet, he couldn’t. It was best in order to keep quiet and to keep to himself. “Now where do you live?” The question was something that he needed to know at the moment. There were things that he need to make sure of and yet, he would make sure that this conversation would carry onwards. “I never would have thought that this weather would have been this bad. To me, everything should be calm.. Of course, stuff like this always seems to happen when people are least expecting it. I wish that it is a bit warmer outside then perhaps we wouldn’t have to deal with this weather. Are you cold?” He was concerned more for her than what he was concerned for himself. There were many things that he had dealt with and yet, caring for a woman who wasn’t his sister was far stranger than what it would have been. He wanted to feel for her and to protect her from whatever would have been thrown in her direction. This emotion, whatever he thought it was, had to be controlled in some manner. He wanted to see what could have occurred between the two of them but right now, he would not worry about such a thing as that.

He shouldn’t have to worry at all.