Charming is a Victorian Era Harry Potter roleplay set primarily in the village of Hogsmeade, Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, and the non-canon village of Irvingly. Characters of all classes, both magical and muggle — and even non-human! — are welcome.
With a member driven story line, monthly games and events, and a friendly and drama-free community focused on quality over quantity, the only thing you can be sure of is fun!
"Are you always this forward?" He asked teasingly since it would be a very short thread if he just ignored her entirely. — Tobin Cartwright in Take A Peek
Did you know? Churchgoers and worshippers had to endure a foul stench during prayers due to the amount of bodies often stored within the vaults of churches and chapels.
I was worried last month when I didn't have my cycle. This month, it should have started a couple of days ago. I fear I may be with child...something that is simultaneously thrilling and frightening. I have an appointment with a healer on the eighth and hopefully by then I will be able to know for sure if I am with child or not. I don't know what I'd tell Sampson. I suppose it really shouldn't seem such a daunting thing...but knowing that I failed him with our last babe. That I was unable to give birth to the child he gave me last time...well it makes everything so much more daunting. What if I am doomed to forever experience my child dying in my womb? I don't know that I can handle that again, especially not so soon...
The day is coming to an end. I am with child and I'm still uncertain as to how I feel about this. I think Sampson is excited...he didn't seem put off by the idea of me carrying his child again so soon after I lost the other one. But maybe he's just putting on a show for my benefit. I am roughly two months along. I suppose it won't be long before I start showing. On one hand I'm excited to be given another chance...on the other, the possibility is very real that I am unable to bear children. How will I survive knowing that I can never give Sampson a child? Surely he'd want to rid himself of his defective wife. I know Sampson loves me...but would he love me even if I couldn't give him a child? He would be a great father, and I couldn't bear to live with myself if I were the reason he'd never get to experience fatherhood.
Oh I don't know. I don't know if I'm strong enough to live through this. I don't know if I could handle losing another child. Even if I don't...who's to say I won't be a terrible mother? What if I'm just not good enough? Sampson deserves better than me...I'm sure of it. But I love him, and because of that I will hold my head high and persevere. I will keep my doubts to myself.
It's astonishing how much I've grown in the past month. There can be no doubt that I'm with child now and to be honest it's a bit strange. I don't remember mother being so big at this point...then again, I was rather young. The dread of losing my babe is even stronger now, as I was about this far along when I lost my last child. Any unease I feel makes me fearful that it's happening again - that my babe is dying in my womb. The healers assure me that I am fine and that the babe is fine every time I go to see them, but I still worry. Luckily I have Sampson and Sir Cariad to care for me and sooth my worries. A woman couldn't ask for a better family than I have...and ifwhen (I have to believe that I will give birth) I have this child, it will be made the better...truthfully, when I get past my fears, I suppose I am rather excited at the prospect of becoming a mother to Sampson's child...
I've made it past the point where I lost my babe during my last pregnancy by nearly a month. It seems strange to me that my body has already changed so much in the short amount of time I've been pregnant. The healer says the babe should be due around April, but I am already obviously with child. It's frustrating because I've had to alter my clothes to fit me properly. Though aside from the protruding belly and swelling breasts, there haven't been any changes in my appearance. It's so amazing to me that my belly can be growing ever larger but I don't look slovenly. I can just hardly remember when my mother was pregnant and suffice it to say, pregnancy did not agree with her. I still feel anxiety about this whole situation, however. I worry every day that I'll become ill again and that my child will be lost.
Sampson is amazing as ever, though. I try not to bring up my worries but he knows me too well for me to hide them. He's assuring and loving and even as my body changes he still looks at me with the same amount of love and devotion in his eyes. I truly am lucky to have him and I can only hope that I will be able to birth him beautiful, healthy children. I find myself being rather domestic lately. As though all I need to be satisfied is the love of Sampson and the knowledge that I can provide comfort for him and our children to come. Oddly enough, I don't mourn my past ambitions very much. I am sure I'll still be independent in my ways, but not as much as previously. I like the thought of Sampson and I caring for one another. I never thought I'd be the type for these sentiments, but here they are. I suppose I've grown as a woman since falling in love with Sampson and I can't say that the change is a bad thing.
I find myself getting bored all too often. I'm too fearful to have a social life in my delicate state but I yearn for interaction with others. Luckily Cariad is here to keep me from going out of my mind completely. I look forward to Christmas celebrations, however. I believe Sampson and I are going to visit his family which will be a nice reprieve from the walls of our home. There's only so much needlepoint one can do before she's entirely bored and I seem to have read all of the books I own already.
I suppose I shouldn't complain. For all my worry that I'll lose this child, I seem to be healthy as does my babe. It's odd how big I've become and I wonder if that's something to be worried over. I can't see how that could be bad - isn't it a sign of a healthy, growing babe for my stomach to expand? But I still worry. I can't just forget about what happened before. That pain and sadness is not something easily pushed aside. But with Sampson's reassuring and Cariad's attention I feel at least a bit better. I just have to last roughly five more months. By springtime, I should have a healthy baby. I must believe that by then I will have a healthy baby...
Oh Magdelena is so infuriating! I'm sure such excitement isn't good for my babe but she can be so stubborn. I know I was never kind to her in my youth but I've changed and I want us to at least be on amiable terms. She is insistent upon never allowing that, however. On top of that, she is mistreating our parents while claiming that she is not. Her immaturity and spoiled nature is so irksome. But I must try not to think about such things right now. I don't truly hate her - she has every right to be angry with me - but she is still acting like a petulant child.
I also got a letter from my sister-in-law - Calliope. She will be unable to attend the get together I arranged for my in laws and a few friends. Her husband suffered an accident of some sort. I hope things will be fine with them and I must remember to send a letter offering condolences and any help she may need. Though in my state I don't see how much help I could be, but it is only courteous to extend the offer anyways. She is my sister now after all and I will help her out in any way possible. Regardless, I'll try not to let her misfortune effect the brunch I have planned. I am in desperate need of interaction and though my heart goes out to her I must look out for myself as well.
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