But Dreams Come Slow And They Go So Fast

[Patience Rutledge]

Patience clutched Valour’s last letter tight to her chest. Months had passed since his urging to run off and elope, months and months had gone by where Tensy refused to defy her father’s wishes. Charles might’ve been a horrible excuse for a man, but he was her father. He was her provider and he was responsible for her; how could she possibly do anything that would reflect badly upon him? How could Patience defy the man who’d cared for and loved her for all these years? But what if she didn’t? Valour certainly wanted her to do so. He wanted her to run off with October. He wanted her to be happy.

So why did she keep putting it off? Why did Patience hide from Toby when he was only trying to offer her comfort? And why had she fought with him when he was only trying to help? Why? Their relationship was already complicated enough and there were already enough obstacles for them to navigate around. Why had she gone and screwed everything up further? Sometimes it almost seemed as though she enjoyed all this torment. Certainly someone who pushed the most important person to them in the world away enjoyed at least a little bit a pain. But such wasn’t the case. No, not at all. Patience only wanted happiness for them both.

If she only wanted happiness, though, what did her father matter? Valour saw it. He saw the end game, the happiness at the end of the road. He’d gone off exploring for no reason other than he could and wanted to. It’d be an absolute dishonor to his memory to continue living as she was. Valour was everything good in the world. He was adventurous, and kind, and a gambler. He was, in most ways, Patience’s exact opposite.

The time had come to stop being his opposite and to start being his companion.

Starting with October. Starting now. Starting right this moment.

Patience hastily packed as many gowns as she could into an enchanted bag, everything October had ever given her and anything else she found important. By the time she was finished her room looked vastly empty, but such didn’t matter much. An empty room meant nothing to her if her heart were empty alongside it. An empty bedroom meant nothing if it meant being alone for the rest of her life.

With an audible pop Patience apparated from the inside of her bedroom to outside Toby’s apartment door and knocked thrice. Her bag was slung over her shoulder, Val’s letter tucked tightly in her hand. There wasn’t any more time for waiting. If they were to wait another second she’d be married off to some man she didn’t even know. If they were to continue on being stupid it’d soon be too late. Their time was now, it had always been now. Eight years of their lives had been wasted because they’d both been too stubborn and too stupid to realize it.

“Toby?” Tensy asked from outside the door. There was a chance he was working tonight, though she could’ve sworn his hours were mostly kept to daylight hours. He could be sleeping, too. But he’d hear a knock on the door, wouldn’t he? Toby wasn’t such a light sleeper that he’d sleep though their revival? ”Toby?” She asked as she knocked again. They were out of time. It was now or never, and Patience was really hoping he’d go for the former as opposed to the latter.

  

[October Hastings]

• What was he supposed to do?
  
  Toby had been asking himself that for weeks. He hadn't come up with a real answer, and nothing that he hadn't already tried. Save for marching to Irvingly and banging down her door, damned be the consequences.
  
  Give her space. It was the only action that remained to him - he was hearing it from his cousin Maggie too now, but it didn't make the thought any easier to digest - and it didn't feel much like action, or a solution, this doing nothing. Waiting and hoping. He'd never heard of anything so futile.
  
  He'd tried writing, but Tensy had given him no signs that she might ever forgive him. It had taken Toby some time to accept the fact that perhaps he was supposed to be apologising, asking for forgiveness rather than demanding her presence again - but October still wasn't sure what he had done wrong.
  
  Insensitivity was one of his flaws, he knew that. And he was sure his cousin knew this well enough, but she was attempting to be encouraging, anyway. He hadn't meant to confide in anyone. He hadn't, until now. But she hadn't missed the dullness of his eyes, the way nothing seemed to be going his way these days, the way he was floundering. He might as well be grieving for his own brother again, for all his misery.
  
  "I knew - I know how she feels, though," He burst out, for perhaps the fifth time that night, well and truly on the way to wallowing, now that the damn of silent suffering had been broken. "I just want to be there for her." Grief affected people differently, Toby was no stranger to that, and a part of him knew that she might need the solitude. But he had been there for her through every other ordeal, and she had for him, even unknowingly, with her letters drawing him out from the deepest abysses, like a chink of distant sunlight or an outstretched hand. And he loved her for it. He loved her. he didn't want her to suffer any more than she had to. He didn't want her to suffer at all.
  
  But he had started to feel as though he were only adding to her agony. October was another cause of her sorrow. All he had ever done was cause her pain. He wouldn't blame her if Patience never spoke to him again. Cut her losses all at once.
  
  "I'm never going to see her again," He moaned, trying to disguise the half-strangled sob that had risen to his dry throat by taking a hefty gulp of firewhiskey. He'd had so much he could barely feel the burn of it anymore. And it wasn't making him feel much better. Neither was Maggie's company, for all she was trying. Toby couldn't even meet her gaze opposite him.
  
  And he was almost sure he was hearing things when he heard knocking. Was that his name?
  
  "Is someone there?" He mumbled. Being this pathetic in front of his cousin was one thing, but anyone else and he might never live it down. "Will you get it?" He half-pleaded, half-hissed to Maggie, squeezing his eyes shut, fighting the throbbing of his temples.
  
  Tensy. What if it was Tensy?
  
  Disregarding the fact that he had already asked Maggie to do it, Toby staggered up and paced to the door, nearly numb with hope and dread. Fumbling with the latch, he pulled the door open, dumbstruck. "Tensy?" He couldn't conjure any real words. What was she doing here?
  

  

[Patience Rutledge]

"Marry me." Tensy said as soon as the door swung open. "Tonight, tomorrow, next week. I don't care. Marry me." A life without October was unimaginable and unbearable. A life where she couldn't be Sadie, he couldn't be Lawrence, and they couldn't live happily ever after wasn't a life Patience wanted to live. She wanted to be happy, Valour had wanted her to be happy. Valour had urged her to get away from their father, to breathe someplace outside of the family. It was now or never, there was no more time for waiting.

"I know it's sudden, and we haven't spoken in months, and I said some pretty horrible things to you in the past. And the letters. I read them all. I wanted to talk to you, but I couldn't - I couldn't think of anything to say that'd make up for all I've done. I'm sorry. But I was rereading some of our letters and I - I found this." She offered him the piece of crumpled parchment in her hands. "And then I realized I - I don't want to live without you. And -"

A girl - a pretty girl stepped from behind the wall just then into Tensy's line of sight and she froze. October looked positively frazzled, and this blonde woman wasn't any better. Was she - where were her proper layers of clothing? "Oh..." Tensy said looking frantically between Toby and the blonde woman. "I-I'm sorry...I...I didn't mean to interrupt."

Two months she'd been gone from his life. Two months since their last argument, and already he was in bed with some.....slattern. This wasn't supposed to happen! He was supposed to wait for her! He was supposed to let her work through her issues and do just what she came here to do. Instead October went to bed with some other woman. He had fallen in love with some other woman.

  

[October Hastings]

• Though his jaw had dropped open, October fell silent as soon as she started speaking. He was so astounded that she had suddenly turned up outside his door again that he wasn't sure what she was saying - the alcohol had dulled his ears, it must've, and his head was feeling heavy already and his eyes were aching with dryness - just listen, Toby, listen. Focusing on her more determinedly, watching her lips allowed him to catch the tail end of marry me. Well, that was obviously wrong. He couldn't lip-read, and his ears were deceiving him. It was a sorry. A forgive me. Maybe?
  
  She could be delirious. Or drunk. Perhaps she'd turned to drink in the wake of her brother's death, and perhaps she'd come over in a fit of lightheadedness. No, no, Tensy wouldn't do that. But what if she were ill, what if grief had had terrible effects? She was pale (whether she was paler than usual or not he couldn't tell, not in this dim lighting or from the rare occasions he'd seen her face to face before) and trembling and if she wasn't eating - Sadie had always been prone to illness, she had a weak immune system. October may work in the creature-induced injuries department, but he knew enough to be concerned for her health.
  
  Pay attention, Toby. In the midst of his frenzied fretting, he heard that she'd read his letters. It drew a sigh of relief from him, even as he remembered that his tone had gone through an arc - even angry at one stage, he recalled - and had become desperate, and then defeated. She hadn't wanted to see him. He couldn't be there for her. She wanted to be alone.
  
  I don't want to live without you. October took the parchment but didn't look down at it. "You really mean -"
  
  He stopped as she stopped, eyes widening in confusion as Tensy changed tack completely.
  
  "You’re not interrupting."
  
  He had drawn the door open wider as if to let her in before, but glanced back at Maggie over his shoulder, feeling Tensy’s eyes on his cousin as well.
  
  "You’re not interrupting at all." He said, and this time he was protesting, jerking a terse hand through his hair that was positively dishevelled. His clothes were tired and creased, too, he hardly looked like himself. He hadn't been expecting more company. He hadn't been expecting Patience.
  
  They didn’t need an audience for this. Ignoring Maggie - ungrateful as he seemed - he stepped out, forwards, attempted to pull up the door slightly behind him. This was not the usual sort of hallway conversation, either, but Tensy had already launched into enough of a speech outside his door that Toby already felt mired in deep, unable to pull himself out of this sinking quicksand.
  
  "What - what were you saying?" He added after a drawn out silence, wracking his brains as if there was a way he could be sure he hadn't hallucinated all that she had said. She'd put him off as soon as she'd stopped speaking. But he remembered, the next moment. It was not the sort of sentiment you could just forget. "I - I don't want to live without you either, Tensy. I -"
  
  

  

[Patience Rutledge]

October might as well have been speaking gibberish for all Patience heard. She wasn’t even seeing her russet haired love; all Tensy was the lovely blonde woman standing behind Toby and her constant fidgeting. The intruder would brush away a strand of hair here, fix a wrinkle in her dress there, all actions made seductive by Tensy’s overactive imagination. Toby and she had obviously just been doing something; Tensy wasn’t even all that close to him and she could smell the alcohol oozing from his pores. What was this slut doing to her love? Toby was supposed to be her’s. They were supposed to get married…that’d never happen now if Tensy had to compete for his love.

She stared at him as if struck. How could he? He was supposed to wait! Hadn’t they waited eight years to even meet because of all the issues attached? October couldn’t wait another month or two? He couldn’t bear a month or two of silence from her? Tensy’s brother had just died. Valour was gone, dead, never to be heard from again, and October was being an insensitive prat. Why had she even come here? They were obviously never going to work; he was obviously never going to be her love. This was all pointless, so completely, one hundred percent pointless.

”Who – who is she?” Tensy asked viciously as she snatched the note back from Toby’s hands. She’d come here with all the hopes in the world for their future, and he hadn’t wanted anything to do with her. ”Why is she here? You – you were supposed to wait for me. Why didn’t you wait?” With each and every word Tensy’s voice was getting more and more desperate, and with each and every word Tensy could feel her heart closing up more and more. She ought to just listen to her father, accept the arranged marriage without a question, and just somehow forget about these past eight years.

Toby, Lawrence, whatever his name was didn’t matter. It was likely he’d never had.

Moving past him towards the blonde, Tensy raised her hand as if she’d hit the thief but quickly thought better. October wasn’t worth this. He wasn’t worth her grief and fury, and neither was the slut of the hour he’d chosen. ”You two deserve each other.” She said more to the woman standing before her than her lover standing a few feet away. ”He’s really good at making you feel important, and if he tells you he loves you take it at face value because this is what you’ll come to face.” The woman tried to say something, but Patience stuck her finger up and placed it on her lips. ”Have a – have a good night.”

Tensy turned to face Toby one last time with all the hurt she felt perfectly visible across her face. ”Stupid me, right? I should never have trusted you. Stupid me indeed.”

  

[October Hastings]

• He knew he was staring too, just gazing out at her as though he'd finally seen the light at the end of a long dark tunnel... but her stare had an awful blankness. Had she heard anything he had said?
  
  Eventually, October realised what she had been concentrating on, and his brows knitted together in sudden consternation, nonplussed. He tried to uncrease them, to stand tall, innocent, not indulge Tensy's sudden distractedness and her accusatory expression, because there was nothing to this, and they had bigger issues to deal with, like her suggestion to get married. He shook his head briefly, but the parchment had already been torn from his grasp again and questions were flying from her lips -
  
  "What?" He started, "What?" He let out a sigh at first, glancing at Maggie half in apology, in part just to shrug uselessly, and a little just to wish her away so he and Tensy could have some privacy. But Patience was bounding ahead without him, absolutely unaffected by his calmness, and so his control swiftly began to disintegrate. With a measure of disgust on his face at her interrogation, October's own speech punctured hers at every available opportunity. "Who is she? Oh, please, she's not who you obviously think she is -" He scoffed, "- and I can't believe you'd actually think -"
  
  Why didn't you wait?
  
  "You think I wouldn't bloody wait? You think there could be anyone else? Tensy, I would wait for - " months, years, for as long as it took, but she had just pushed past him as though he were a ghost.
  
  "You're not stupid, no matter how well you're suddenly acting it," He shot back, having just watched her accost Maggie with vile words. He’s really good at making you feel important... Toby wasn't good at making anyone feel important, so that she thought anything he had said or done to her was false was more than a stab to the chest. She had just asked to marry him, hadn't she? Could that really have changed in a single moment? What did that say about whatever it was they had? Not much good. "Stop it! Stop and just listen to me. I don't know how the hell you've gotten whatever you think into your head but -"
  
  Beyond all his indignation, frustration, anger... her accusations hurt. He had been going to explain himself, reassure her, but 'she's my cousin' weren't the words that came out. "It seems as though you've never trusted me at all." If she trusted him now, still, ever, she would have paused to think, to wait for his explanation. She wouldn't have needed an explanation, because she wouldn't have jumped to any ludicrous conclusions in the first place. She would have had some semblance of faith in him. Because damn it all, he loved her, and she was supposed to know that.
  
  

  

[Patience Rutledge]

There wasn't any time to think and rationalize; didn't October realize that? Why couldn't he see how completely out of time they were? Tensy was engaged again, or she would be very shortly. There would be a wedding within months, and Toby would be out of her life forever. How could he not see that? They'd been postponing things for as long as possible, and he'd never once even thought to talk to her father, and now it was too late. Now there was no more time for waiting, but evidently Tensy had waited too long. Toby moved on, to someone prettier and Tensy's very own classmate for crying out loud.

"Can't believe I'd actually think what?" Tensy turned and shouted at him, momentarily forgetting Miss Magdelena Davis (how could it have taken her so long to recognize her classmate?). "That you wouldn't wait? You have a woman here in the middle of the night! You're drunk off your ass, and so is she, probably! You're not completely dressed, she's missing more than a few layers. Tell me how I'm not supposed to automatically assume the worst of you!"

Trust was something Tensy had always given October, even when they were Sadie and Lawrence. There were the few discrepancies along the way, but for the most part whenever Toby said something she believe it. And whether her now lack of trust was attributed to her grief, or seeing him with someone else, it didn't matter. "I'm engaged, Toby. Or I will be soon. And...and I thought that instead of marrying some arse my father picked for me, I'd marry you. My sister understands, she's in a loveless marriage, if anyone gets unhappiness it's her. And I'm so sick of being unhappy. And so I'm here. And I proposed to you. And you're already gone. You're sleeping with a girl I went to school with!"

She couldn't even look at him, and instead focused on the green eyes of her now enemy. "Leave." Tensy spat, her rage and utter disappointment swelling in her chest. Everything Toby said went in one ear and out the other. Nothing he said was making any sense, anyway, and Tensy didn't see the point in even trying to understand him. They were over, there wasn't any clearer picture than that. "Actually, no. Stay. I'll go. I'd hate to have interrupted whatever it is you two were doing." And with that, Tensy passed Maggie and attempted to storm past October on her way out...

  

[Patience Rutledge]

There wasn't any time to think and rationalize; didn't October realize that? Why couldn't he see how completely out of time they were? Tensy was engaged again, or she would be very shortly. There would be a wedding within months, and Toby would be out of her life forever. How could he not see that? They'd been postponing things for as long as possible, and he'd never once even thought to talk to her father, and now it was too late. Now there was no more time for waiting, but evidently Tensy had waited too long. Toby moved on, to someone prettier and Tensy's very own classmate for crying out loud.

"Can't believe I'd actually think what?" Tensy turned and shouted at him, momentarily forgetting Miss Magdelena Davis (how could it have taken her so long to recognize her classmate?). "That you wouldn't wait? You have a woman here in the middle of the night! You're drunk off your ass, and so is she, probably! You're not completely dressed, she's missing more than a few layers. Tell me how I'm not supposed to automatically assume the worst of you!"

Trust was something Tensy had always given October, even when they were Sadie and Lawrence. There were the few discrepancies along the way, but for the most part whenever Toby said something she believe it. And whether her now lack of trust was attributed to her grief, or seeing him with someone else, it didn't matter. "I'm engaged, Toby. Or I will be soon. And...and I thought that instead of marrying some arse my father picked for me, I'd marry you. My sister understands, she's in a loveless marriage, if anyone gets unhappiness it's her. And I'm so sick of being unhappy. And so I'm here. And I proposed to you. And you're already gone. You're sleeping with a girl I went to school with!"

She couldn't even look at him, and instead focused on the green eyes of her now enemy. "Leave." Tensy spat, her rage and utter disappointment swelling in her chest. Everything Toby said went in one ear and out the other. Nothing he said was making any sense, anyway, and Tensy didn't see the point in even trying to understand him. They were over, there wasn't any clearer picture than that. "Actually, no. Stay. I'll go. I'd hate to have interrupted whatever it is you two were doing." And with that, Tensy passed Maggie and attempted to storm past October on her way out...

  

[October Hastings]

• She actually had been ready to believe that he wouldn't wait. He'd gotten mad, he knew, angry and frustrated and upset because Tensy hadn't felt she could count on him, even communicate with him about everything she was going through, but he was sorry for that, and he'd given her space. That was what she wanted. And now all of a sudden it was as though that had been his idea? That he'd leapt at the chance to grab the first girl he knew and move on.
  
  He gritted his teeth. His head bloody hurt. In his startled haze, Toby glanced around the room, back at Maggie, at the empty glasses, at his less-than-composedness. How had she not been supposed to assume the worst? "Because you know me, damn it! Didn't I just say? We're supposed to be able to trust each other -" He forced out the words in a low growl, falling silent to let her voice rise in shrill accusation before he finished his sentence in a shout, "And you've just proved that you obviously DON'T!" Perhaps their trust had never been tested, perhaps letters had not been the right breeding ground for anything lasting or permanent or good, maybe this had all been one terrible mistake that they would never be able to see for what it was.
  
  "She's my cousin," He cried now, trying to stop the tide of her words in its flow, but also feeling his fists clench up uncontrollably. Patience was engaged. She was unhappy. She had proposed to him. She was still clinging to the ludicrous thought that he was here forgetting about her. "MY COUSIN! And you think I ever wanted you to be unhappy? Well you know what, it wasn't as though I could ever tell what it was you actually wanted! I would have talked to your father months ago, I would have made my case, started being practical except, no, who never wanted to discuss the future? How was I to bloody know that you would even marry me when all we've ever done is fight? You won't even listen to me now!" His breaths came thick and heavy and his words kept getting jumbled in his throat, the fuse well and truly lit and fizzling through his gut with a lethal spark. October hadn't had the full picture - Tensy had been in mourning. He hadn't expected her to be getting married to someone else so soon. He hadn't wanted to rush her, not when they didn't even know each other properly. Not without doing things properly. She'd allowed him to think they had time, fucking hell. Time for him to save up some, buy a real house, meet her family, time for them to spend strolling and chatting and having dinner and stealing kisses, time to marry her one day at the right time, and have a life together, and be happy. He'd been under the impression they'd had a future.
  
  Toby was too preoccupied and the rage was rushing through his head and he had no time to decide whether she'd heard anything he said - or god forbid, listened - before she was moving again, walking out on him, leaving, but no, she couldn't - he lurched forwards, fingers curling around her wrist, forgetting about gentleness in his sudden desperation to stop her leaving. "Tensy, stop!" He demanded in a near-yell still, ready to leap in front of the doorway despite how angry he was at her, despite the fact that this was not his fault, despite the fact that she evidently didn't want to listen to him. Because she had to. "Don't you dare leave. Tensy!"
  

  

[Patience Rutledge]

Everything was a mistake. Every kiss. Every stolen moment. Every screaming match. Every letter. It was all for naught, he was better off without her - Tensy saw that now. She didn't see that yesterday, or even an hour ago, but now she did. She saw it with such a startling crystal clear view that it was all she could do to keep her mouth shut as he screamed at her. Maggie would be a better match for October, or was she married? Tensy couldn't remember, but it didn't matter. Nothing mattered anymore, not about this. They were better off being over, getting married was a horrible decision for Patience to make. What had she been thinking? Married? To her? Toby would be miserable. It'd be all screaming matches and horrible misunderstandings.

And no one should ever have to live like that.

She must've known throughout the course of their entire relationship that she'd eventually come to such a conclusion. Why else would she have prevented him from talking to her father? Why else would she have stopped him from trying to better their future together? Tensy must've known back when they were still Sadie and Lawrence there was no future for them. There was no happily ever after. Only tears, sore throats, and feelings of absolute dread and misery. "We're better this way." Tensy said quietly, having not listened to a single word he said. Each time he shouted the words resonated in her head for a split second or two before slowly slipping from her mind. His words didn't matter anymore, they never had, they never would.

October's force on her wrist caused Patience to not only halt in her steps, but to turn and nearly collide with his chest. Her other hand was pressed firmly against his chest and she was staring up into his eyes with tears in her own. "Don't you get it? This can't work. It was stupid for me to come here and it was stupid for me to ask you to marry me. You deserve so much more than what I have to offer you, and this is all I have. I don't have anything else." Her hands were trembling, and she fought to get out of his grasp. To leave. "I'm engaged. I shouldn't be here. You deserve better. You deserve someone like Maggie. Pretty and not sick."

Valour was sick, and then he died. Surely such a future was in Tensy's cards as well. She'd eventually die of some violent cough or some stomach bug that didn't go away. Despite his being younger he was always leading the way, lighting the golden path for her to follow. And now he was dead. And the only path left for Tensy to follow ended in the comforting arms of death. "You don't deserve some harlot who is only good at stolen kisses and screaming matches." She was sobbing now. How could she have ever thought she could ever be good enough for someone like Toby?

Before she knew what she was doing, Tensy was clinging to him, her arms wound tight around his torso and her face facing his neck. This was the love of her life. This was the only person she'd ever feel whole with, and she wasn't good enough for him. "I'm so sorry. I'm sorry." She continued crying with her hands pressing him further against her. "I'm sorry."

  

[October Hastings]

• She didn't seem to be reacting to his rage and frustration and yelling... she just seemed blank. Deathly quiet, deathly still. Silent and defeated. She was right, then. The truth was hard to swallow. October could still barely believe that she'd come to ask him to get married. But what did it even matter? They couldn't get married, it was too late, she was already nearly engaged, and they would only regret eloping. They were all wrong for each other. All wrong.
  
  "You're right." He said conclusively. "We would never work." She would never really let him in, would she?
  
  His voice was flat, abruptly cool, a mockery of her defeated tone. Those were the facts, were they? He'd make her listen to those facts from his own voice, through her own ears, then. "We can’t get married. We can't even get along. Merlin's sake, you won't even believe Maggie's my cousin. We don't deserve each other, you have nothing to offer me...? Well, I have nothing to offer you either. I'll never be able to make you happy, never. No matter what I do. There's no making sense of this. There's no hope."
  
  She'd said it all too, and somehow she was still here.
  
  She hadn't left. He'd grabbed her arm, but she was so close now, as though gravity had pulled her in without Toby meaning it to. Consciously, he loosened his grasp, twitching his fingers away to see how quickly Patience would pull away. Would he ever see her again? Was this the end?
  
  She still hadn't left.
  
  Her arms wrapped around him. He could feel her heartbeat, practically taste the salt of her tears in the air between them.
  
  And then he couldn't pretend any more. Toby couldn't bring himself to do it. He couldn't hear her degrade herself like that, call herself a harlot, take all the blame, apologise over and over, even remind him how sick she often got, as if any of that would make the thought of losing her easier. He couldn't listen. He couldn't just accept the cold hard truth. The anger flared again in him, and he was lost.
  
  "Stop." He repeated vehemently. "Stop talking."
  
  And then she was apologising all over the place, the tears spilling over.
  
  "Don't say that! Don't say another word." October demanded, his fingers clutching at her shoulder, hanging on for dear life.
  
  "I need you," He said, because that was all that mattered to him. Not listening to reason, he leant in, pressed his lips to hers, silencing the next sorry with a determined firmness. Her body was still against his, leaving no room to breathe, and he barely pulled back to speak again.
  
  When he did, there was a touch of his earlier tone that mingled with the hot bitter rage at all she'd so callously been saying about herself, about them, as if she knew what was best for him. As if acceptance was the only way forwards. How could she make that choice? "Go on and leave, if you believe all that. If that's what you want." He snarled, but kissed her again before she could reply, more roughly, more desperately, a hand snaking around her waist, the other curling at the back of her neck, holding her close, her mouth to his. "Leave, then." She could try, but Toby wasn't sure he could let her go at all.
  

  

[Patience Rutledge]

Every harsh word October spat at her caused Tensy to sob harder into his chest. He was the best piece of her she had to offer the world. Everything that was good and positive about herself was because October knew how to build her up, because he was her love. Patience didn’t know how to live with the knowledge that October would be happier without her; how could she possibly? He’d been involved in her life for a large majority of it. How could she possibly make it through each day without his letters there to guide her, without his arms around her, without him with her?

She had to leave, though, this was for the best. This was what was best for October, and that was all that mattered. There was no hope for them, just as he said. Just as she said.

Still, her arms were locked around his waist and she was breathing in his scent as if he were the most incredible thing she’d ever smelt in her life. His heart was racing, his skin hot with drink. Patience barely even noticed how her tears were soaking through the linen of his shirt. ”You don’t understand. You don’t get it.” She mumbled through her tears. ”This will only hurt. Run while you can.” There’d be no recovering from him, Tensy knew that. She knew that for the rest of her life she’d steadily regret walking out his front door. She’d regret not fighting harder to make this work, but damnit! She was tired of fighting! She was tired of having to struggle just for a brief moment of happiness. And October deserved more than brief moments. He deserved an infinite amount of happiness, and Tensy only had a small finite amount to give him.

”Tob-“ She started to protest right as his lips crashed down on hers and it was as if the world froze. Her hands gripped the back of his shirt, pulling him closer. Her mouth moved against his perfectly in sync. Such perfection wouldn’t come easily with anyone else, it’d be impossible to find. Tensy knew there was only one person (per person) that one was made for, and very few people ever found that person. Very few people ever actually felt elated to just be near a person.

Like when Tensy was around Toby.

Her forehead leaned against his as they both panted, struggling to catch their breath. ”I –“ Tensy began and immediately faltered. She what? She had to go? She needed him? She wanted him? What did she even want to say? ”I need you, too. I need you, and I know I can’t keep you. I can’t – “ Rather than finish her anxious thoughts, Tensy leaned forward and heatedly kissed October once more. Maybe this wouldn’t work out long term, but who said they couldn’t have one another for just one night?

  

[October Hastings]

• This will only hurt, she said. "As if this hasn't hurt already," He accused in return, seeing and hearing and feeling her tears continue to drench him and trying to imagine anything worse than this constant stream of tears. "As though we're not used to it." Pain was nothing - nothing when it was physical, when it was temporary, when there was an end - but emotional distress seemed all the worse, grief and sadness and numbness and agony all at once, and there was nothing at all he could do to ease her sorrows. Because, Toby was sure, he was the reason for them. He'd left scars and she'd left scars on him and all they seemed to be doing was wounding each other more and more every time they met. He wanted to look back to happy memories, but they'd had so few, not since they'd met in person, given up on the letters and friendship of their childhood... and there it was again, that contemplation of whether he was supposed to regret ever having met her. (He didn't. But perhaps he was just a masochist.)
  
  Run while you can.
  
  His only response had been to kiss her. Her response to that had only been to pull him closer. What did that say, for the both of them? They were a hopeless, twisted mess, and there was nothing to be done about it. Forget solutions, their problems didn't matter so long as they were tangled up in each other, as long as they weren't talking. Nothing could go wrong like this, not until the moment ended.
  
  They could avoid an end to the moment, though. Let the illusion swell. Live in the dream for as long as they let themselves. Tensy needed him too, she said, she couldn't find a way to leave this so easily. Her I can't trailed off into nothing, and he smirked despite himself, despite it all, his lips curling until her mouth had crashed into him again. And she was getting under his skin again, more than she ever had before, and his whole body was itching, was burning... Tensy felt like she was on fire, but he couldn't let go.
  
  "I could run." He whispered, the damned shake of his head belying that completely. As if he could, really. He'd be doing no running tonight, unless it was from the truth. He could only hope Patience would keep a rein on her reason, but with the way they were kissing, he was hardly hoping. "You can still run." He suggested, between searing lips and ragged breaths, not meaning it at all. "But run tomorrow." The please, please stay didn't even slip off his tongue, but he supposed he was implying that well enough without words.
  
  

  

[Patience Rutledge]

Toby was right, they could both run. Tensy could get herself away from his grasp and run out the front door while she still had her heart intact. She could let this be their actual end, marry the man her father named for her, get this whole soap opera over with. It wouldn't be so simple to actually do so, though. Their hearts were entangled to the point where there wasn't a clear cut line to separate them on.

"I love you." She mumbled into his chest. "I love you. And I'm not going anywhere. Not tonight." Tomorrow Patience would get her wits about her and run out the door, and tomorrow she wouldn't feel the need to see him one last time. Tomorrow everything would be the way it was supposed to be tonight. Tonight everything would be the way it was in her dreams.

They were still up against the wall, and Tensy wasn't sure where Maggie had gone but she was no longer around. "I want you." Patience told him while looking into his eyes. They were both a bit breathless from the kisses, and her cheeks were almost definitely flushed. "Tonight I'm yours." Her father would certainly slaughter them both if he ever found out. Charles would pull them limb from limb and alert the world to his wrath, but somehow it didn't matter. Somehow Tensy's father's and Val's declarations and all the other outside influences didn't mean a thing. There was Patience and there was October. There wasn't anyone else involved.

She kissed him again, this time slow and gentle. Her one hand cupped his cheek and the other pressed against his chest. "C'mon. This should be done right."

  

[October Hastings]

• A part of him was still sure that tomorrow would come and this delusion would not have fallen away, that this wasn't a delusion at all, that for all their talk of running neither of them would be able to bring themselves to do so. Perhaps there was a way around the situations October had already constantly, ceaselessly told Tensy and told himself were hopeless; there was a persistence he just couldn't quite erase. No matter how he tried.
  
  But there was no need for any convincing to be done about their future when all that mattered right now was the present. She hadn't left and she wasn't leaving and instead this was everything he'd ever wanted and it was all too easy to forget how she'd been sobbing and shouting and an utter mess now with how she was pressed against him and looking into his eyes.
  
  Tonight I'm yours.
  
  That was permission enough. No holding back. His anger had all dissipated in a wisp of wind. Patience was the gravity in the room. He couldn't force himself more than a breath away from her. Couldn't force himself not to be touching her, whether he was deepening her kiss, soft and slow and steadily increasing the pressure and urgency; whether he was pulling away to lead her away from the wall and the doorway and the thought of her leaving; his lips breaking off to meet the bare skin of her neck, hands trailing down until they were around her waist and he still couldn't quite believe she was physically even here.
  
  Done right?
  
  "It will be," he promised. For the rest of the night, everything would be completely, perfectly right.
  
  And perhaps tomorrow would never come.