josephine,
It seems that the distance between us multiplies by the hour, and I cannot remain silent about my disdain at this. I understand your grief and your sorrow, and your wish to deal with it as you want, but we are in a relationship - no matter how informal - and you should at least speak to me. How long has it been since we've seen each other? Since St. Valentine's Day, was it not?
All I ask is for you to put down whatever alcohol you're drinking as you read this and hear my words. I can help. I want to help. If I did not care for you a tremendous amount, you would know. You know that I do not bother myself with dalliances. This... whatever you want to call what we have... is serious. You are my fiancee, at least I think so since you still have the ring.
Don't do anything you regret. Or, rather, don't do anything else you regret. She may be gone, but you aren't and she wouldn't have wanted you to waste away over her, I'm sure. I don't want you to waster away over her. I'm not the same without you. You are the only one who understands me. I love you, and I know you love me, too.
hope to hear from you soon,
My Darling Jedidiah
I will not lie to you and say that there is not a half empty bottle of firewhiskey standing on my bedside table. It would not be fair of me to lie to you when you yourself are so completely honest with me. I have been nursing this bottle since yesterday so I'm fairly sober, but my love I will not tell you that my mind isn't at least slightly fuddled with the tingle of alcohol. I miss you as well, I hate going this long not speaking to you. You make her death bearable. With you by my side I know I can be strong once again. I will be strong again one day. I promise you that.
I promise you that one morning I will wake up and realize it doesn't hurt anymore. I will be able to say her name without wanting to lash out in a fiery pit of anger. I will be able to go to her grave and lay down flowers. I will be able to do these things because like you said I am living and she is not. But Jedidiah, that day is not today. I cannot say her name. I cannot wake up in the morning and be okay with the fact that my sister - the one person who used to be twice as close to me as I am to you - is gone. That I never got the chance to patch up the holes with her. The day will come. But it is not today.
That being said, I can't remember for the life of me if I told you that my family knows about our engagement (at least Finnick does, I don't know if he told the rest of them) when we saw each other last. (And yes we are engaged, I wear your ring proudly and look forward to the day when I can call you my husband) But yes, Finn knows. He near bruised my wrist when he found out and he clearly overreacted, but he knows. I can only imagine that he is waiting to hear that I am with child and that is why we are getting married without a proper courtship. I take great delight in telling you he will be severely disappointed.
There is always the future right? We have the rest of our lives to have children. And we'll have those lives together. I promise you my clouds will pass, I just need time.
|
![[-]](https://old.charmingrp.com/images/collapse.png)
