Dear Diary

[Beatrice Browne]

Dear Diary

September 1, 1877

The term has started. I was not named Head Girl, but I can't bring myself to care too much. My heart is still heavy with grief that Caroline has passed. The school seems to know what happened to her. They offer me condolences, look at me with pity in their eyes. But I do not want their pity. It doesn't bring my twin back, it serves me nothing. I continue to toy with the idea of joining her in the after life. Heaven. Whatever happens to us when we leave this weary world. But I remember that Caroline would not want me to throw away my life. So I continue to live for her. I will focus on my studies and duelling club this year. I will not give up on life. I will live with the consequences of what I've brought upon myself. It is my fault that she's dead.

Magdelena feigns grief for Caroline. But the two never got along. How dare she grieve for Caroline? It is an insult to see her act as she does; empty. She doesn't know the meaning of feeling empty. Her grief can't possibly compare to mine. She is weak and I wish she'd stop acting as though she truly cares about the loss of Caroline. She is probably jumping with joy internally. No more Caroline to trick her. No more Caroline to use her as a guinea pig. She probably rejoices in her death. Why couldn't it have been Magdelena to be found out? Why did it have to be Caroline? I can no longer write of this...my hand is too heavy, eyes bleary with tears. I must divert my attentions.