Dear Diary

[Beatrice Browne]

Dear Diary

December 25, 1879

Mr. Marlowe was here for Christmas dinner with my family. He bought me an elegant hair comb with sapphires embellishing it. It's a lovely gesture, but I know it's just another one of his attempts to win my heart. I do not know what to do with the gift. I can not allow myself to wear it, no matter how beautiful it is and how perfectly it would suit one of my best dresses. To wear it would be to give him hope that he could have me, and in the past year and some odd months I am still persistent not to wed him. Many people have commented that our courtship should have been dissolved. That if I was to be so stubborn they should just leave me to become a spinster. They say that Mr. Marlowe is wasting his time, but he is persistent in his chasing of me.

I'm so conflicted. My peers tell me that they would love to have a man as handsome and charming as Mr. Marlowe after their affections. And I do admit that he holds a certain appeal. But there is something in the very fiber of my being that tells me not to go through with it. It tells me that Caroline would be disappointed if I gave myself up to him. And I do not wish to disappoint my dearly departed twin. Oh I don't know what to do. I shall ponder my options further, but for now I must rest. My eyes grow tired.