Texts from Last Fortnight

[Frederick Humphrey-Mavis]

someone to freddie cause he doesn't work and who wouldn't want to get high with a lion?

(310):

one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.

The following 1 user Likes Frederick Humphrey-Mavis's post:1 user Likes Frederick Humphrey-Mavis's post
   Cassius Lestrange

[Katharina Grey]

Jack, "tony" is more than likely Freddie;

(949):

I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
(714):

???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences

Iskra

(986):

He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?

(217):

He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.

Someone to Nick, the boy doesn't have any sense.

(978):

You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.

  

[Cassius Lestrange]

(217): Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?

Possibly future!ellen to @Leah Beauregard

(715): I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL

#Lestranges

  

[Annette Fontaine]

(519):

How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..

(1-519):

Not very gracefully, that's how.

Gertrude to Anne then Anne's response after she's been complaining about her night out.

(480):

Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life

Freddie to Jack after his first night out

  

[Cassius Lestrange]

(760):

I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?

Arthur to probably-Fitz.

(661):

GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!

Art to everyone.

  

[Jacques Michaud]

(540):

Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.

This one makes me think of Joz.

(609):

I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively

Jacques

  

[Ursula Black]

(989):

I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.

Tessa.

(607):

I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.

Also Tessa.

(651):

Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.

Coriiiinaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

(502):

I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.

Definitely Modern day Ursula. Definitely.

  

[Annette Fontaine]

(912):
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos

Really any of my women.

(626):

Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.

Drunk!Zak

  

[Jacques Michaud]

Both Tristan/Rasmus and Jacques/Ozias basically.

(815):

He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.

this too

(630):

We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.

  

[Thom Pettigrew]

(858): How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?

Thom to Leon.

(231): ... drunk me broke the coffee table?
(616): STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.

Seems like a conversion Angie and Eli would have.

(434): Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.

Probably about how Thom found out Art was out of jail last year. "Is that him on the Pitch? Oh. Fine."

  

[Cassius Lestrange]

(604): I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already

This is a text Arthur would receive.

  

[Oliver Trask]

(847): I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.

Atticus.

(219): It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety

More Atticus.

(240): I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.

LEONID.

(562): Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?

I feel like this would be Modern!Hannah to Tomas.

(425): We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.

Hannah and Carrie vs. The World.

(518): We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?

This is definitely Callie and Hamilton's first date.

  

[Abraham Aesalon]

(805):

That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....

abe at some point probably.

(217):

Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.

thad.. just...thad

(231):

... drunk me broke the coffee table?

(616):

STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.

i feel like this is art and amalia's friendship in a nut shell.

(843):

Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.

this is so opal it hurts me

(802):

I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters

abe if abraziel weren't married with kids

(530):

I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!

aoife probably (most likely when she and regan started actually BEING LEGIT)

  

[Tristan Michaud]

Modern!Tris about the night he met Rasmus.

(917):

He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.

  

[August Echelon-Arnost]

(613):

I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games

#aunnah

  

[Ozias Lovegood]

This is totally to/about Oz.

(778): You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil