You Gave Up On Love

[Elena Greyback]

Morning of December 19, 1883 | Espina Residence

On the eve of her wedding her mother had given Elena a gift. It was a drawing Elena had drawn when she and Odin were children; it was a drawing that depicted her brother as an angel holding her hand. Odin was leading her somewhere. “You always told me he was taking you to a better place.” Lovisa had smiled as her fingers dragged across the page. “You always were so fond of him, even when he was away traveling.” It had taken every last drop of Elena’s will power to not go running to her brother then and there.

“I knew what kind of person he was. We didn’t have to be together, Odin was my brother.” The word brother felt foreign on her tongue - when was the last time she mentioned Odin in a conversation? “He was always my guardian angel.”

Elena had spent the whole night fighting off the dreams of him; his lips urgent against her own, the feel of his hair in-between her fingers, his skin feverish against hers. The dreams (or were they nightmares?) were becoming less and less frequent as time passed, though the bride-to-be knew they’d never leave her completely. Odin would always be imprinted on Elena’s skin; she’d always compare her lover’s touch to her brother’s. There would never be any sort of relief from the confusion, the heartache, and the anger. It would forevermore be a part of Elena, and such facts frightened her.

She had sat outside and watched the winter sun rise. The bright orange rays soon encompassed the skies and threatened to melt the thin layer of snow that had fallen throughout the night. Hogsmeade was likely covered in snow by now, just like it always was around Christmas. The children would be having snowball fights, the lovers would be taking quiet strolls whilst holding hands, and the married couples would be cuddled near a warm fire. Would her children ever know the pure joy of snow? Or would Xuan relocate them to Spain following his single year as a Hogwarts’ professor? Elena had so many unanswered questions, so much confusion rattling her brain that when her mother came in to fetch her Elena had stared at Lovisa with tears threatening the corners of her eyes. “O-Odin. I need Odin.” She stuttered and collapsed into a heap on the floor. “I need my brother.”

Elena wasn’t sure what Odin would do to help the situation. She knew Odin being invited to the wedding at all was extreme kindness on Xuan’s part, as Xuan had no warm feelings towards his soon-to-be brother-in-law. Odin might even beg her to run off; to say no to this charade of a marriage (even if Elena was growing attached to her fiancé); to make amends to the relationship they’d both so carelessly thrown away. Odin was the giant wild card of the day, and she was nervous to put her faith in him. She needed him to tell her what she was doing was the right thing. She needed him to pick her up off the floor and guide her out the door. Elena needed Odin to give her his blessing.

She needed his blessing more than anything else.

“Please, mother. I need my brother.” Elena stated again as hyperventilation began to settle in. What was she doing? How could she do this? To Xuan? To Odin? To herself? This wedding wasn’t fair to anyone. Xuan deserved to be in a relationship with someone who he didn’t know carnally, and Odin deserved to be with someone who would dance to his songs and compliment his vanity, and she deserved someone who would love her unconditionally. They all deserved things none of them could ever have. “O-Od-Odin.” She breathed and struggled to focus on her breathing. It wouldn’t do well to faint on her wedding day, now would it?

  

[Odin Greyback]

He'd only been back in Spain for two days and he had already realized that it wasn't really home to him anymore. Flitting around the globe like he had had changed that. He had missed the sun, the heat, and the smell in the air, and saying he hadn't would be a boldfaced lie but... no longer was he home was he was there. Odin supposed that that was the smallest thing that had changed, a rueful smile on his face as he was welcomed into his future brother-in-law's familial home. It was a small miracle that he was smiling at all, and a huge one that he'd even decided to show up.

The invitation had sat on the table in the kitchen, unopened and untouched, having been brought in by a house elf, for at least a month. When he finally opened the thing, it was so carefully that one might think he was scared something would be released from inside. The words Xuan Espina and Elena Greyback and marriage, all embossed on the same page, struck him all at once, and he had left it there for another week. Before he could overthink himself, Odin had owled back an RSVP with his name and a 'no, I will not be taking a guest'. (Perhaps isolation was not the best for heartache, but it certainly was the result of it.)

And then he'd proceeded to botch up every experiment he tried at work that week, nearly losing his job in the process, and all because he was so distracted. It didn't help that he had a good reason to be.

Everything he did had connotations. People like him, with sharp wit and quick intellect, always saw things in relation to another. Oh, yes, that paper on the source of magic he'd read before he'd gone off to support Elena at an audition; these trousers were some that he'd found abandoned in her room when she left; this tune he was humming as he worked was one that she used to dance to, day in and day out as was her way. It seemed like ages that they had been Odin & Elena, a unit, a relationship as siblings and friends and bitter rivals and, later, lovers, that was to inextricably entwined in his life that her rapid removal, like pulling a cancer out of someone's body, could only have cut out the good things it was tied to, as well.

It was this inability to move on that had him drinking like... well, like he never had for the first time in his life. The good Russian brews his friends had left him from his travels, sometimes, but mostly mead and firewhiskey and things that one could literally drown your sorrow in because it was so cheap. He had ended up on Marceline's doorstep - Marceline, for God's sake - late in the evening and distraught and probably babbling and -- that was something he wanted to put so far out of mind he would never think about it again, but since when had he ever been good at that?

The point was, he'd had months to think about what he could possibly say to her to change things, to heal old wounds, to fix something, anything, of what they'd had before he'd worn his heart on his sleeve. He hadn't used any of it. All these feelings pent up inside, and now he was going to see her walked down the aisle with their father by her side, into the arms and heart and soul of another man. Of a rival, if it wasn't bad enough!

Pleasantries were falsely given and elaborated on. Everyone mentioned how pale he was compared to the sun-kissed complexion of full-blooded Spaniards, and he laughed stiffly to relatives and family friends and complete strangers. He was numb to anything but the turmoil going on in his head, the 'what if's and 'what should i say?'s. How could he have shown up in Spain, so far from his new home, just to see the woman he loved become a wife and officially unattainable. His sister. That itself should have made her unattainable but... He loved her still, no matter how many nights he'd tried to convince himself that everything was just a sinful mistake.

With relief, Odin was greeted hurriedly by his mother, who plucked him out of the crowd and rushed him to another set of rooms with considerably more privacy. She explained that Elena wasn't feeling well, that she was asking only for him. That was enough to get his attention, and despite being glad to see Mother, worry creased his brow and, before he knew it, he was on his way to the room she directed him to. Elena wanted him, (and he knew the consequences of not being somewhere she was would). The concern a brother felt for a sister was overshadowed by the deeper concern of a lover felt for their lover. A last nod in his mother's direction and he ducked into the room.

Odin didn't know what to expect walking in on Elena wearing a wedding dress, but he certainly should have expected something more than he apparently had. Her dress was a pale blue that suited her tremendously, and she looked... He didn't have words to express it, though everything was dimmed down by the weight that seemed to be crushing them both. This extra tangible evidence that wow, she really was going through with it. With marrying Xuan.

"Our mother told me you wanted to see me." he said by means of greeting. The words were artificially cold, and just as distant as he was bodily from her, standing in the doorway. What else could he say? She had distanced him, and he hadn't given her a reason to trust him, to believe what he actually had to say. The fake smile on his face just a few moments before had melted away into a schooled expression of apathy that was only skin deep, if that. Elena could always see right through him. Plus, it wasn't even apathy as much as despondency, if you looked closely enough.

Having realized he was standing in the doorway, Odin shuffled forward awkwardly and shut it behind him, gaze moving about so that it was anywhere but those familiar, ice-blue eyes. The door locked on it's own, though he made no attempt to stop it. It had been good foresight of him to shave and put on the right type of clothing for a wedding, because he didn't want her to see the rock bottom he'd hit. He didn't want her to see what the tatters of his life had become. But it was Elena, and he couldn't lie to her if she asked him the right wrong questions. Though lying was perhaps the thing that had driven them to this point, with her in a wedding dress and him a helpless guest at the thing.

  

[Elena Greyback]

Her hyperventilation had turned to anxious pacing during the time it took Odin to find her room. Each step brought on a new worry; each shuffle of her feet reminded her of a certain aisle she was supposed to be walking down upon. False snow fluttered in the air above the guests’ heads and disappeared before landing on them. Early winter flowers were everywhere. Xuan was waiting for her there. Her fiancé, who cared enough to still marry her despite her impurity, was standing amongst his family and friends waiting for her. And whom was Elena waiting for? Her brother, her former lover, her best friend.

The heavy door swung open and slammed against the wall to reveal Odin standing there. It was the first time she’d seen him in months, the first time she’d even asked for him since leaving that night. “Odin.” Elena said breathlessly and nearly flew into his arms once the door was locked securely behind him. “I’m so sorry, Odin. I couldn’t do this without you here.” She clung to him desperately, as if he’d disappear if she let go. All the months of silence, the fights, the urges, overwhelmed her in that one moment. “I needed you here. I – I need you.”

With her head against his chest, Elena struggled to avoid the silent tears of longing which threatened to fall from her eyes. Lovisa had done her makeup already, and crying would only ruin it all. Crying would pull Elena from the act she ought to have been doing to the one she wanted to be doing. Odin would see her tears, comfort her, plead with her, and she’d go with him. Going – no, running – away with Odin was the only thing Elena could think to do.

She didn’t give a second thought to the fact that he’d been so cold in his greeting. Regardless of everything else Odin was still her best friend. He’d never push her away, or tell her “no”. Odin would do everything he could to ensure her happiness, and if such happiness required Elena hugging him for all she was worth and pleading with him to forgive her then she knew he’d give it to her. It was what they did. Elena gave up Russia for Odin. Odin had given up any chance of a normal life for Elena. The pair did these things almost unconsciously, as though caring for one another was their most natural instinct.

Once her breathing calmed some, Elena released her death tight grip around his waist and took a slight step back. Her clear blue eyes met his for the first time in months, and for the first time Elena saw Odin. She saw the cut of his jaw, and how he missed a spot while shaving. She saw the weariness behind his eyes, could basically smell the liquor oozing from his skin (even if he had smelt wonderful while she was holding him). “Oh, Odin. I’m so sorry.” Elena looked up towards the ceiling and blinked in effort to not fall apart. Their mother didn’t know what had happened between them, but she’d certainly have questions if Elena was a blubbering mess ten minutes before getting married. “That night – I’m sorry. I – I … I shouldn’t have left.”

  

[Odin Greyback]

It was instinctual to wrap his arms around her despite how much like an ambush her embrace felt. Was she crying? He couldn't tell with how quickly she'd rushed over to him and buried her face in his chest. He had been stupid to think he could maintain his calm demeanour, even after three months. Three months. That was quite possibly the longest he'd gone without seeing her in the last three years, at least. This Elena, though, was not the one that had left him. What had he thought he was doing, walking in here alone on the day of her wedding? The words he had tried so desperately not to think about came anyways. Run away with me. Don't marry him. The worst ones yet: marry him, be happy, forget.

"Odin." she said, whispering as if speaking louder would frighten him away. What frightened him, though, were her next words. Forbidden things she spoke of, things he let himself want for only in his dreams. In the morning he would wake and think long and hard about why his dreams had to stay that way. But he would be a fool if he'd have thought letting go would be easy, and Odin was no fool. (Except maybe when he was.) In this moment, though, with Elena in his arms once more and telling him that she needed him, something he'd always admitted of her if not to her, he allowed himself to hope like one.

She was fighting her own battle. That much was obvious. His words had completely left him, but he held her tighter in his arms in an attempt to reassure her. She needed him, and he was there. Did he really need to say anything quite yet, and ruin this one moment?

Once Elena stopped breathing so heavily and trembling, he tentatively relaxed, moving a hand to the small of her back before she relaxed enough to release him from her grasp. She took a step back and stood there looking at him, really looking, for what lasted a moment but felt like eternity. He took this opportunity to note that she hadn't actually been crying, but her eyes were red and wide and - Merlin, what did he look like to her? What did she see when she looked at him?

When he looked, he saw his sin, his mistakes, his faults. He saw his past. He saw a woman who couldn't be more beautiful, more familiar, more passionate. (But could he see a future?)

Odin didn't know how carefully put together she'd been before he'd walked in, but he could see her resolve crumbling right in front of his eyes. A person like Elena was loathe to show weakness - she was strong and sure, always - but here she was, emotions written in her eyes even if they weren't spoken on her lips. "Oh, Odin. I'm so sorry." she said, and he wanted to back into the wall and hit his head against it, repeatedly. Did she not know how hard she was already making it to be moral, to be her supportive brother and nothing more?

"Elena..." You shouldn't have left? You're in a wedding dress, it's a bit late to tell me that. "I hurt you. Of course you left." And you were right to. He must have still been a little numb and detached because admitting to her that he'd caused her pain so matter-of-factly wasn't something he'd ever thought of doing before. He didn't sound that way to himself, really, but that he'd actually said it after three months of pining and drinking and thinking and hurting surprised him.

The loss of her arms around him was felt the most at this moment. He didn't know whether to reach out for her hand or not, so he hesitated, simply taking half a step forward. "Did you get my birthday gift?" he asked, meeting her eyes as if to see if she would challenge his change in subject. Everything would come back to that, he knew it would, but... But. It was her wedding day. Postponing that conversation another few seconds wasn't going to change anything, given that they'd already waited this long.

  

[Elena Greyback]

Odin's gift was sitting at the bottom of her trunk, waiting to be moved into Xuan's home with him. The sheet of magic was carefully protected by his shirt, both of which were (hopefully) somewhat hidden. Xuan would ask questions if he were to find them, and Elena didn't have the answers to such questions. Or, rather, she didn't have the answers she could tell Xuan without him publicly shaming her and her family. As it was Elena wasn't convinced he wouldn't do such a thing if she were to displease him somehow.

Perhaps telling Xuan she'd only been intimate with a man once had been a mistake. Or maybe her mistake was being with Odin as many times as they were together. Xuan deserved to be happy just as much as Elena did; didn't he deserve a wife who would only ever want him? They'd been together a few times since early December, and the lust between them was plenty, but when was lust ever enough? They needed trust, love, respect, and Elena wasn't sure if Xuan would be willing to give her those things.

"I didn't give you a chance to explain. I just - I just left." She confessed and studied him closer. The bags under his eyes might as well have been the size of the moon, and his tie was crooked. Had it been crooked when he came in? Or had the force of Elena's hug shoved it off balance? "You have to understand, though, another woman was claiming you loved her. Veela or not, how could I trust you? There wasn't even a week in between the time you were intimate with her and me. Not even a week."

Elena hadn't meant to blurt all her emotions out like that, especially not when Odin was trying so hard to change the topic. The topic was everywhere in the room with them though. It caused the tension to be so thick Elena was nearly blinded by it. There wasn't enough time now to resolve their issues. Their time had run out months ago when Elena had accepted Xuan's proposal. Their time was when Odin was holding her on the staircase and their skin was fused together. It was too late now. The clock had ticked down to midnight and now it was time for Cinderella to go home.

Stepping forward, she straightened out his tie and gave Odin a sad smile. "I need you to tell me you're okay with this." If Odin were to tell her to run now she just might listen. They could make it halfway across the world before reality would come crashing down on them. They could have a few more weeks of happiness. If only. "I can't do this without you. I need you to hold my hand for just a little while longer, our issues put aside for the time being."

  

[Odin Greyback]

"You did just leave. You didn't give me a chance to explain," he agreed, meeting her gaze hesitantly and holding it. He wasn't ready to have this conversation; he hadn't thought about how to react; he didn't have the heart to tell her the truth, either. What could he tell her about Marceline that would make her feel any better? Did Odin want to make her feel better? Wasn't her getting married today for the best? He hated that he didn't have the answers.

Elena didn't give him a chance to start his pisspoor explanation, launching straight into the conversation he'd been trying, and failing, to avoid. For a moment he was sure he'd winced away from the verbal onslaught. "I... She... Elena, you have to know I never planned on us being intimate. I was trying to move on... with her, and I didn't know you would find those letters and you were going to leave and..." Honesty was never something that came naturally to him. He said what he had to to save his own skin, and that was just the way it was. Spilling everything now for her was more difficult than it was to even show up to this godforsaken wedding, but here he was.

Odin realized now that it wasn't that he didn't have answers for her, it was that he didn't have the answers she wanted to hear.

"You know how I am about letting go. I... I loved you, I love you," he continued, catching her hand as he fixed his skewed tie. He wanted to kiss her, he wanted to hold her in his arms and whisper plans of escaping this wedding and their lives and being together, but he didn't. These three months had taught him that what he wanted wasn't always what he needed, and he had already known for a fact that if Elena stayed with him, he would only be holding her back. This didn't stop him from hugging her almost carefully, like if he held her too tightly he would never let go, and kissing the top of her head. "You're leaving me again, but you're moving on with your life. And I... I have to accept that." Even though he didn't want to, he really didn't.

"I'll be your big brother always," he said as he pulled away, a somewhat real, warm smile on his face. His heart ached for her and his head was pounding as he tried to wrap his head around their entire situation. What a mess they were! "- and everything will be okay." He was sure that his words couldn't convince her: he couldn't even convince himself! But that was the way life was - people thought that the world was ending one second, and, eventually, fresh wounds healed into old scars and the bleeding hurt felt as everything was crashing down dulled into a familiar throb.


{muse music}

  

[Elena Greyback]

"I loved you, too." Elena mumbled into his chest. There wasn't a single point in her life where she hadn't loved Odin. He hadn't been around much throughout her childhood, but when he did come home it was as though the sun was shining ten times brighter. When they were on the shore of the lake and he was holding her against the cold she loved him. She loved him on the very first day they moved in together and danced across the attic floor. Elena loved Odin every time he cooked her dinner and encouraged her to go to more auditions. And now, she wasn't supposed to love him, and everything felt strange.

She was clinging to Odin again - memorizing each and every detail as she heard the pounding of his heart. Soon she'd have to know a different pattern, a different scent, a different person all together. Soon she'd walk down the aisle and marry a man who most certainly did not love her. "I love you, too. It's just...I just...I don't want to accept that." Every single doubt she'd had suddenly made sense. The reason why she so desperately needed to see Odin was crystal clear. "I don't want to walk away from us. I don't. I was scared and what would Mom say? What would we do? What if I got pregnant this time around?"

Marceline was one thing, but Elena? She couldn't get pregnant, not unless she was married.

Pulling away from him once more (both physically and emotionally) Elena began trying to shut down her head. Panicking on her bloody wedding day about whether or not she should run off with her brother was mad. Xuan deserved better than that. He deserved her to be jittery with nerves. And see the broad smile on her face. And to have her father grin as he gave her away. Xuan didn't deserve this. But neither did Odin.

"Odin - I - we ... - I can't do this. You should go. I'll ... I'll be - I'll be out in a minute." Elena's hands were shaking and she could no longer meet Odin's gaze. "I have to get married today. I left for a reason, and no matter what I - we - want, it doesn't matter. We can't matter. I'm getting married. I'm in a bloody wedding dress! The time to freak out was yesterday. I - I just need a minute. I'm sorry. We're siblings. Nothing more."

  

[Odin Greyback]

Odin heard her say she loved him and thought that maybe that would be the last time she'd say it to his face like that. He pressed his lips together to keep from saying something stupid in return - he'd promised himself to stop saying and doing stupid things after he'd bloody apparated into Marceline's front parlour. And by 'something stupid', he meant 'something he desperately wanted to do, but knew deep down would make neither of them happy', hence the avoidance.

He sighed and drew her tightly to him again, feeling the familiar, slow rise of her chest against his. They would dance this close all the time, though not for long because he'd mess up a turn and she would scowl at him or punch him playfully in the chest and tell him to stop being such a comemierda and to pay attention, for once. And he would try and fail until Elena was somewhat satisfied with the result and until Odin started to whine about not feeling his legs, which was not an excuse in her book.

Sighing heavily, he willed himself to stop remembering all the good things, because it was already hard enough for him to let go. All of a sudden, she started fretting about too many things for him to keep up with, and then she pushed away from him, like she had three months ago, except this physical manifestation hurt ten times more.

As she spoke, he looked at the roof and tried to prevent himself from getting angry at her. Couldn't she have made up her mind moments ago, before she rushed to him and given him fluttering hope once more? Didn't she see that this back and forth wouldn't end here, wouldn't end until they both decided to grow up and let go and that that wouldn't be any time soon? Hands clenching into fists at his sides, Odin almost left the room right then and there. Whatever he said would just take them back to the start of this conversation again, round and round, because he wasn't going to stop loving her, even when she was in a wedding dress and he was trying to fix things with Marceline. Maybe that love would morph back into something platonic eventually, but... eventually.

And eventually, Odin would stop making heated decisions like making love to his sister, or what he was about to do now.

Taking a few steps toward her, he grabbed her by the waist and kissed her, hard, closing his eyes and already feeling how stupid he was being, already regretting it, already knowing that what he had to do next would be difficult but necessary in ways he didn't even realize yet. For a moment, even after he broke the kiss to take in a panting breath, he hovered there close to her, eyes shut and heart thumping in his ears.

"Elena... you go and get married. You're right. I should go. You're always right," he said with a sarcastic hum, stepping backwards away from her. "We were fools... lovesick fools," came out as a mournful whisper as he unlocked the door with a wave of his hand and threw it open, satisfied by the force he used, ready to leave and never, ever look back or at try to. "Nothing more."

  

[Elena Greyback]

(OOC: I HATE YOU SO MUCH ANDY OMG.)

Kissing Odin felt like the most natural thing in the world, as if their bodies were made to fuse together in bouts of passion. Her left hand came up instinctively to cup his cheek instinctively, her right fisted his shirt around his waist. Elena had never felt this way with Xuan. Their movements weren't natural, weren't designed for the complete pleasure of the others. Only with Odin; only ever with Odin.

Then, it was over. And Odin's face bore the same thought racing through her mind: mistake, run - run now. His words were bitter and cruel. 'Lovesick fools' shot at her heart like the crucio curse, 'nothing more' like the killing. Elena knew she was right - that he was right. "Right. Because you're a jerk who held my letters. You should've let me leave. Think of all the heartache we could've avoided! Think of how much better everything would've been had we not been involved."

There was a time for overreactions - where she could scream and curse and blame him for irrelevant things that weren't really at all relevant to their current discussion - but now wasn't the time. Now wasn't the time to try and viciously hurt him like she was hurting inside. Now was the time to get married, to distance herself from him, to move on from him. "If you hadn't been a prick who hid my letters I would've been married five bloody years ago and we wouldn't be having this issue." Elena was purposely leaving distance between them so that she wouldn't physically hurt him. Years and years of dancing had made her strong, and, while she was nowhere near as strong as Odin, Elena could throw a nasty punch.

"So because of you and your stupid actions I can't get married because I don't love him, and I'll never love anyone like I love you." Throughout all her raging, Elena hadn't once looked at Odin - her eyes flickered around the whole room, focusing on minuscule details and pretending the figure standing five feet away from her wasn't the love of her life - but she made sure to say those three words while staring directly into his. Maybe they'd never be together again, and maybe she was ruining whatever chance they had at a perfectly normal relationship with her pre-wedding breakdown, and maybe she was okay with hurting him like she was hurting, but she would not have Odin doubt the sincerity of her words.

Nothing felt genuine to her anymore. Everything felt false and shallow, as though there was a false bottom and one wrong move would send her spiraling down the rabbit hole. The only thing Elena was sure of nowadays was the undying passion she felt for her brother, and the disgusting nature about their love.

  

[Odin Greyback]

"Stop saying you love me!" he raged, slamming the door shut again as he turned around suddenly to face her. He hoped no one had heard her while the door was open, but they were in an emptier part of the house so it was unlikely. Still, she was so careless -- didn't she understand how destructive their involvement would be to each other, to the family? Hadn't she just finished ranting about how she cared what their mother thought? This capriciousness had him at his wits end, his heart in his throat and every muscle in his body tense with contained anger.

He wished he had the will to leave like he wanted to, to tell her they were done and to break her heart like she'd broken his. But, alas, Odin was weak-willed and heavy-hearted, and he stayed for a reason he would surely regret like he would regret everything he'd done to her during their immoral affair. The distance between them was the only thing keeping him from grabbing her by the shoulders and shaking her like he had when she'd left the first time, hoping that the action would actually shake some sense into her.

They would never be happy! They would have to leave behind their lives, their family, their home to be together! Didn't she understand that? He didn't want her to blame him for the rest of their lives of keeping her all to himself, of keeping her from being all that she could be by dancing like he had for the past years. He didn't want her to grow embittered that she hadn't known, that she hadn't left when she had the chance, that she hadn't loved someone who would have made her better - someone who was decidedly not him.

"Elena, we can't..." he said defeatedly, the fight going out of him in one breath. The way she looked into his eyes as if challenging him would fix everything or change their circumstances had gotten through to him enough to calm him down. Yelling at her wouldn't fix anything, either. "And don't you even try to bring Charlie into this. We are so far beyond that,"

His voice was still harsh, and he wasn't quite calm yet even though he was calmer than he'd been when he'd lashed out at her. Charlie had been a catalyst - at least his letters had been - but he had so little fault with the events that followed that it was comical of Elena to bring it up now. She had always been rebellious; if she had really wanted to leave the house and marry Charlie Gilmore, she would have found a way, any way, to escape Odin and their father. If that wasn't true, then he didn't know his sister at all.

"We're beyond all of this. You're getting married, Elena. You have people out there waiting for the blushing bride to walk down the aisle to fucking Xuan, and you did that! I didn't tell you to run off and throw your life away on the first man our mother tossed in your direction!" He'd thought he'd calmed down, but that had apparently been him lying to himself. That was beginning to become a problem. "You can't turn back now! Don't you see?" He was fuming and had subconsciously taken a few steps toward her. Being mad wasn't going to fix anything, but being mad was so much easier than being hurt.

Once again, he turned to the door, shoulders visibly rising and falling as he breathed deeply to regain a semblance of tranquility. Why had he even come here? There was only ever one way this sick relationship could end. "Goodbye, Elena."

"Goodbye... and good luck. I can't stay here and watch the woman I love... I just can't, and I won't. " With that, he wrenched open the door before she could say another word and shut it behind him. He walked a few yards away from the door quickly, before he could convince himself to turn back. Once he'd realized what he's just done he stopped in his tracks -- it was over. Really over, this time. The only thing that could stop him from apparating away right now was if she chased after him, and as the seconds ticked by, he stopped hoping that would be the case. Hoping only brought heartache.

  

[Elena Greyback]

In her rage, Elena hadn't even noticed the door open or the fact that Odin had been about to leave. What would she have done if he did walk out the door? Run after him? Shout for him? Let him go? "No." Elena stated sternly once the door was shut. "No. I won't stop. I won't." Why couldn't Odin see? He was acting as if their paths were diverging miles and miles apart when it was only mere feet. Their paths could just as easily cross again. They could make a life somewhere else. They could be somewhere else.

It was then Elena realized how foolish she was being. Their parents would disown them. They'd be publicly shamed. There would be hardly two knuts to rub together. Life would be hard, so hard. It was better this way; it was better that they break.

"Some blushing bride." She chuckled darkly. "Xuan knows exactly what he's getting. I have nothing to blush about." Xuan had sampled his bride-to-be several times, and even if Odin did walk away and Elena fled the scene, he'd shame her still. He'd tell her family their loved one was a bloody harlot and he couldn't be seen marrying himself to a woman of the night. Lovisa and Angelo would immediately cast their child out, question Odin (an interrogation was more likely) on the choices he made in caring for his sister, and probably discover all of Elena's skeletons. It was better not to include Odin in her sufferings. He could make some cute life with Marceline and raise the child Elena would never know. Odin's shot at happiness relied on her letting him go.

Even if letting Odin Erik Greyback go would destroy the very person she was, Elena had to do it. It was better this way. Everyone would be happier - everyone except her.

She bit down her tears and reached for him as he shouted. Her assumptions had been the downfall of them both. Her reluctance to disobey her family Odin had allowed for Charlie to spend all his time alone. Her actions had destroyed them both, and while Odin had his fair share it was mostly her fault. "No, you didn't. I did that all on my own. Just as you slept with a veela on your own accord. Just as you've likely seen her and have tried to make it right on your own accord. We do things when we're scared, Odin. We do things when we've been hurt or have hurt someone. And we know each other's actions better than anyone else." Odin didn't have to say a word about Marceline for Elena to know he had tried to fix it at least once. If she were still pregnant Odin wouldn't abandon his child. He'd fight for it, and would give it the best life he could. He was too loving sometimes, and too easily guilted.

But then, he was saying goodbye and he was leaving. And the hand she'd so carefully placed on his cheek slipped and fell with a thud to her side. The slam of the door caused her to flinch. The words he'd spoken were ringing in her ears. His footsteps rushing down the hall echoed in her too-large dressing room. Her hand lingered on the wand in her sleeve. She should just leave like Odin was planning to. He'd go home tonight or tomorrow, say goodbye to their parents, and would realize she was missing. He'd eventually return to Hogsmeade, but nothing would be the same. The steps to the attic would grow weak in their non-usage. The piano would gleam with dust. Her bars would be dismantled for firewood. He'd probably move somewhere else not long after.

Memories were evil like that.

Except, Odin was leaving. He was walking away. He wasn't coming back. He had said goodbye and walked away. He was giving up, and there was no time to formulate a proper response.

Elena was running before she realized it. She was saying his name without thinking of it. His hand was gripped in hers almost instinctively, though it was too tight to be a typical handshake. They were apparating to the beach where Elena had first realized how deep her feelings ran for Odin before she could count to ten. Once they were on the rocky shore, apologies began falling from Elena's lips. One after another in rapid succession. An apology for not letting him explain. An apology for the dates she ruined. An apology for being a confused person and never knowing what she wanted. If she could think of it, there was an "I'm sorry" attached to it.

She had made her choice, and now it was time for Odin to make his.

  

[Odin Greyback]

For a minute, he was thinking that it was better this way. They could never be what the other wanted. It was wrong. He repeated these words over and over in his head until they no longer meant anything to him -- it happened too quickly for him to even realize he was doing it.

Of course, he only had a few moments to himself before she called his name, ran to him - nearly knocked him over, more like - and forced her hand into his. She was taking him along with her, apparating, before he could say a word in protest. His head was still spinning when they reached wherever she had taken him. It was because of this, and because of her words - I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm sorry - echoing in his ears, that he didn't realize they were where he'd first felt that spark that was more. The lake, frozen over now.

His teeth were chattering as he pulled Elena to his chest both as an effort to get her to stop apologizing and to keep her warm, because it was bloody cold! Despite their summers spent in Sweden and living in Hogsmeade, he'd never taken kindly to the cold, and he was hardly dressed for it, either. "Elena, are you absolutely insane?" Odin actual forgot that he'd been so irrationally angry at her, more worried for the fact that she had just... eloped from her own wedding with her brother? What did one even label this scenario with?

From both the cold and her actions, he stayed in stunned silence for longer than he probably should have. What...? It didn't register that she'd chosen him, that she'd thrown her reputation out the proverbial window - and quite possibly his, too. All that registered was that she was in his arms, even though he'd been steeling himself to that never happening again, and that he was not letting her go. "Elena, shut up already. I love you... I love you, but I need some quiet to wrap my head around this, alright?" he sputtered incredulously, mumbling into her hair and unable to control the relieved smile that no one could see because it was only them.

Only them.

Them against the world, as it always should have been, and as it was for so long already. Perhaps change really was for the better, but change was inconceivable when what they had - toxic, revolting, wrong, scandalous - was perfect.