16 March 1885

[Daily Prophet]

March 16TH 1885

Man Stabbed on Ides of March Coincidence or Something More Sinister?

Yesterday, if you did not know, was the Ides of March. On this day a large number of years ago, Julius Caesar was betrayed and murdered. It is often considered an unlucky day, because people are idiots who think that days can be unlucky. Also yesterday, a man by the name of Harold Crapper was stabbed and later died of his injuries. He was forty-five years old. In response to the question above, I can inform you that it was... ... neither. Mr. Crapper, very kindly, has come back as a ghost, and was very happy to tell me his story. He and his friend, Mr. Oliver Toy-Lett, 39, were reenacting the scene in a production of _____________________________________________________________

Shakespeare’s Julius Caesar. Unfortunately, Mr. Crapper was truly stabbed (due to some reason I could not discover). “I don’t mind that much!” Mr. Crapper told me - his enthusiasm all too obvious - “I continue to carry on with my acting! Now I’m a ghost I do not need to eat nor sleep, so I do not need money! Now I can act all day long and night, forever! And I am sure all theatre owners will want an actual ghost to play parts of ghosts in their plays! Mr. Crapper’s mortal remains will be buried on this coming Wednesday with the exception of his head. Mr. Crapper is donating his skull to be used for productions of Hamlet. AUTHOR: Gulliver Doran

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